9 Plausible and Ridiculous Relationship Deal Breakers Of My BFFs

Everyone has standards for the people they want to date. It's human nature to know what you want.

These are things we're willing to accept in our relationships and, conversely, the parts of a person we can't overlook.

It's not that we're nasty people, shallow or vain. It's that we know what we're willing to live with. Some people's attitudes to life don't align with ours. Why should we date people who don't share our views on life? It doesn't make sense.

They're our deal breakers. 

Some are normal, in that everyone can agree why someone might feel put off by someone who does this. 

Other qualities are borderline on the edge of ridiculous because of how specific these deal breakers are, and how agreeable they are to most.

My friends, James, GG and Sophia, are everyday people, like you and me. But their list of deal breakers never fails to surprise me. 

Here they are. And I'm dying to know if you share any of them.

1. Anyone who inhales

Sophia has never been one to experiment with drugs, alcohol or rock 'n' roll. You wouldn't say she's adventurous in that department.

But she reasons that being smart with your health, and choosing to abstain from all poisonous substances we consume, is sexy. 

She couldn't possibly support a person as they drank and smoked their life away, no matter their choice or apparent health benefits.

I've often felt like challenging Sophia on this, every time I see her shoving a Big Mac into her mouth most Friday nights. 

But I always find myself biting my tongue.

2. People who have procreated in the past

James doesn't want kids. He has never wanted to be a parent to a child he hasn't contributed to making, nor does he want to raise someone else's child.

His reasons are so deeply personal, because of his own terrible upbringing. I can understand his hesitation.

But people often see his inability to date anyone with children as a selfish and immature approach to life. People can't help having children, nor should we chastise them for wanting children in the future.

It's not that he hates kids. That's an assumption he constantly battles with this deal-breaker. 

In reality, he is protecting his heart and the feelings of everyone else. He can't be what other people want him to be, and he would rather them know this before emotions take over.

3. Anyone outside your postcode

Whilst I love James' emotional approach to life, he does have some slightly lazy deal breakers. The one on the top of the list is his need for a partner who lives no further than ten minutes from his house.

He didn't always believe this. 

He once tried a long-distance relationship and it failed miserably. Everything that could go wrong with a distanced relationship did go wrong, including cheating and the inevitable growing apart.

But when Melbourne, here in Australia where we live, dipped into an incredible lockdown where you couldn't move more than a 5km radius from home, postcode mattered.

If we ever found ourselves in this situation again, James didn't want to be apart from the people he loved. 

Or from guaranteed sex.

4. Any person who prioritises grooming

GG thinks we all spend too long in the bathroom. It's funny when she says that around my friends Sophia, who owns a skincare line. We all try not to take offence when she complains about our extensive beauty routines.

I would think most people would prefer a partner who makes their appearance and hygiene a priority. But not GG. She thinks it's a sign of bigger problems impending in the relationship.

She theorises it's a sign of incredibly high standards that no one can live up to.

She might have a point.

5. The lack of sexual exploration person

This is something I have to admit was one of my deal-breakers before finding my husband, and would still be a deal-breaker if I were looking for a partner. I don't want to be anyone's first.

I've taken someone's virginity. That sounds weird to say out loud. It wasn't an experience I want to repeat, especially now. At my age, pushing hard into my mid-thirties, I don't want to educate a partner.

I also don't want to educate them on how to be in a relationship either. I don't want to be the teacher in this scenario. 

But I also want to know a partner wants to explore sex and all it has to offer with me. I don't want them to make me feel weird to try things, or go to a sex shop and ask questions, for example.

It doesn't mean they have to be into specific things. I just want them to be open to a conversation about sex, possibilities and something new if the occasion calls for it.

If they haven't had sex before, I'm assuming the rest is a stretch.

6. People who read

Again, I try not to take this personally, but considering I'm not trying to date my friend Sophia, I'm not worried. One of her deal breakers is people who read.

Not the ability to read or not, but people who would choose reading over any other activity. 

She can't stand a romantic partner who would rather read a book than explore the world with her.

She's biased, much like we all when it comes to deal-breakers. Her last relationship ended because she couldn't stand the boredom any longer. Sophia blamed her ex's love of reading, which she believed was the root cause of his disinterest in life.

The two aren't mutually exclusive, but it certainly demonstrates the power of terrible experiences influencing future relationships. And dictating deal-breakers, too.

7. People who work the night shift

GG resented her soon-to-be ex-husband, a man with a high-powered career who often has to work at night. 

When she first told me about this deal-breaker, she didn't exactly clarify why she felt like this. I couldn't help asking; what was so wrong with someone who had to work overnight?

Did it mean they had a lesser position in life? But that didn't explain doctors. 

Did it mean they didn't have any ambition? But that didn't explain the guy working the late shift at the convenience store he owns, trying to feed his family.

But when the divorce happened, it started to make sense. When they first got together, he didn't work late ever. But as he opened up his own law practice, days turned into night into days.

It's also how her ex-husband carried out his affair with one of his staff members without any suspicion.

8. The person who doesn't tip

None of my friends really have this as a deal-breaker for them, but James is thinking of adding it to his list. 

Instead of finding someone who is pro-tipping people for their service, he's thinking of finding people who aren't tipping-centred.

This is a clash of cultural issues. In Australia, we don't tip. It's not in our culture and our wages, generally, have the tip built into the staff salary. 

But when James dated an American man, this guy dumped him for not tipping the waiter at the cafe on their first date.

It took the wind out of James. 

Surely this was a matter of education, rather than values. Cultural differences need understanding rather than ridiculing or writing someone off without hesitation.

9. The career-driven person

GG's experience with her ex has also made sure she rejects anyone who puts their career first. She loves people who are driven, who have dreams and goals for their life, but not someone who ranks their work over everything else.

I wish I could have told some of my exes to have more of the opposite; some drive at all. 

My last boyfriend made me feel like a freak because I worked longer hours than him, despite him earning more and being in a higher position. He found it weird that I would take time from my weekend to work.

Somewhere there is a balance. 

We're all searching for it.

Should we care about people's deal breakers?

It's going to be very tempting to judge me and my friend's deal-breakers. 

It's equally tempting to judge the deal breakers of the people you met and their reasons for rejection. What seems normal to us doesn't seem normal to them.

Here's what we need to learn about relationships; there is no normal. 

Everyone views life differently and we don't have to agree with their perceptive. It would help to respect their perspective though, but agreeing is not always possible.

We have to live with our deal breakers. If these are what we need to do to be happy, then do more of it. 

And if people don't like it? They don't have to date you.