4 Years of Psychological Manipulation: My True Story

1. Boredom and the Desire for Change

My life once seemed stable and calm: a steady job, a caring boyfriend, and good friends. My days were predictable work, meet friends, and enjoy movies with my boyfriend on weekends. Despite this, I felt unfulfilled. Feeling misunderstood by friends and disconnected from my boyfriend. I longed for excitement before turning 30.

2. The Right Person at the Right Time

One day, while strolling through Facebook, I came across an architect's profile that fascinated me. His charm and knowledge intrigued me, and I started following his livestreams secretly. After an argument with my boyfriend and having had a few drinks, I messaged him with the intention of getting to know him and discussing design ideas. To my surprise, he responded right away, and we quickly grew close. I broke up with my boyfriend and began a passionate relationship with him, even thinking about marriage.

3. The Manipulation Begins

However, not long after, I noticed clear signs of psychological manipulation from him. He wanted to control every situation and gradually inserted himself into my life. At first, I felt uncomfortable, but over time, I began to rely on his opinions. I no longer felt in control of my own life. Over four years, I went from being a confident person to someone who was withdrawn and always felt like a failure. I lost my friends, and when he yelled at me about a presentation, I felt inadequate. I believed his words and started seeing myself as incapable. I enrolled in numerous courses to meet his expectations and completely followed his lead.

4. What’s meant to be will be

Eventually, he left me for someone else. This was a huge shock, as I couldn’t imagine life without him. I spent four years under his manipulation without realizing it. After our breakup, I suffered from anxiety, insecurity, and insomnia, needing medical treatment to recover. It took almost two years of hard work to regain my sense of self.

Lesson Learned

My story is a lesson in valuing simple happiness and not allowing boredom to lead you into toxic relationships. Boredom can be a form of peace that not everyone has. I didn’t appreciate the simple things before meeting him and paid the price with four years of robotic living and severe mental health decline. I don’t see myself as a victim, as I was the one who led myself into this situation. I only hope that others avoid individuals showing signs of psychological manipulation to prevent going through what I experienced.

Some signs to help identify a person with tendencies for psychological manipulation:

1. Creating Feelings of Guilt: They make you feel guilty about issues that are not your fault.
2. Controlling Decisions: They make decisions for you or insist that you follow their wishes.
3. Using "Emotional Roller Coaster" Tactics: They change their behavior suddenly to make you feel confused or unstable.
4. Fostering Dependence: They make you feel that you can’t live without them or that you can’t make decisions without their approval.
5. Overreacting to Criticism: They react excessively when you criticize or confront their behavior.
6. Shifting Blame: They redirect conversations to focus on your mistakes instead of addressing the main issue.
7. Using Emotions to Manipulate: They exploit your emotions to manipulate you, making you feel overly sympathetic or guilty.
8. Making You Feel Powerless: They make you feel powerless or incapable of making your own decisions.
9. Restricting Personal Freedom: They attempt to control or limit your daily activities.

What to do if you realize you're being psychologically manipulated?

1. Acknowledge the Situation: Recognize and accept that you are being manipulated. Understanding the signs of psychological manipulation is the first step toward addressing the issue.
2. Set Boundaries: Establish clear and firm boundaries with the manipulative person. Communicate what behaviors you will not tolerate and stick to these limits.
3. Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a mental health professional. Sharing your experiences can provide emotional support and practical advice.
4. Document Everything: Keep a record of interactions with the manipulative person. Note instances of manipulation and how they affect you. This documentation can be useful if you need to seek professional help or take legal action.
5. Self-Care: Prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that reduce stress and boost your self-esteem. Practicing self-care can help you regain a sense of control and confidence.
6. Educate Yourself: Learn more about psychological manipulation and its tactics. Understanding these techniques can empower you to recognize and resist them more effectively.
7. Consider Professional Help: Consult with a therapist or counselor who specializes in dealing with manipulation and abusive relationships. Professional guidance can help you develop strategies for coping and recovery.
8. Make a Plan: Develop a plan for distancing yourself from the manipulative person if necessary. This may involve changing your contact methods or, in severe cases, ending the relationship.
9. Empower Yourself: Rebuild your sense of self-worth and independence. Engage in activities that affirm your value and reinforce your personal strengths.
10. Stay Vigilant: Continue to be aware of any further manipulation attempts. Being vigilant can help you maintain your boundaries and prevent future issues.
11. Taking these steps can help you regain control over your life and protect yourself from further psychological harm.