10 Things That Are Ruining Your Relationship Without You Realizing

Let’s just start with the uncomfortable truth: most relationships don’t implode because of one big dramatic thing, like cheating or screaming fights in the parking lot of Target.

You don’t notice until one day you're standing in the metaphorical rubble of “what even happened to us?”

So, yeah, this one’s gonna sting a little.

Here are 10 sneaky little things that might be screwing up your relationship without you even knowing it.

1. You’re Always “Too Busy”

Look. We’re all tired. We’ve all got 800 tabs open in our brains at all times. Work. Bills.

But if you keep telling your partner “not now” or “I don’t have time” every time they reach for connection—even just a “hey, wanna watch a dumb video with me?”—you’re training them not to reach out anymore.

And once that starts? That slow drift? Man, it’s hard to swim back.

The truth? You make time for what matters. Even if it’s 10 minutes. Even if it’s a voice memo. Don’t make your partner feel like an item on your to-do list.

2. You’re Waiting for Them to “Change”

Oh boy. This one. You’re not dating a project. You’re not dating “potential.” You’re dating who they are right now—mildly annoying quirks and all.

If you’re sticking around hoping they’ll magically become more ambitious, more emotional, more communicative, more...whatever—you’re setting both of you up for disappointment. That’s not love, that’s fantasy.

Can people grow? Sure. But only if they want to. You either love them as-is or you don’t. Waiting around trying to lowkey “fix” someone isn’t romantic. It’s manipulative. Sorry.

3. Everything’s a Competition

Who’s busier. Who’s more tired. Who initiates more. Who apologizes first. Stop keeping score, for the love of all things holy.

This isn’t the Olympics. You’re not trying to win against your partner. If you are, congrats—you both lose. Love isn’t transactional. It’s not, “I did the dishes so you owe me cuddles.” It’s supposed to be generous. Lopsided sometimes. That’s okay.

4. You’re Expecting Them to Read Your Damn Mind

I get it. It’s nice to imagine your person just knows what you need. Like, “If they really loved me, they’d know I wanted to be hugged right now.” No. No, they wouldn’t. They’re not a wizard.

Say it out loud. “Hey, I need a hug.” “Can you just sit with me and not try to fix anything?” Spell it out. It doesn’t make the love less real—it makes the connection more real.

5. You Let the Little Things Slide (Until They’re Not Little Anymore)

It starts with the wet towel on the floor. Then it’s the passive-aggressive texts. Then it’s “How did we become these people who just walk past each other like roommates?”

Don’t ignore the small stuff. You don’t have to turn every molehill into a mountain, but also—don’t build a mountain range by pretending nothing bothers you. Nip it early. Talk it out. Before the towel becomes a symbol of “you never listen to me.”

6. You Stop Touching

I’m talking about the casual stuff. A hand on their back while they’re cooking. A forehead kiss when they’re leaving for work. Legs tangled on the couch.

I once realized I’d gone a whole week without touching the person I loved, just because life got busy and we were tired and—ugh, that sucked. We aren’t just brains talking at each other. We’re skin and heart and warmth. Physical affection matters more than people admit.

7. You Complain About Them to Everyone But Them

I’m all for venting. Seriously. I’ve group-chatted entire rants complete with screenshots and timestamps. But if your partner doesn’t know what’s bothering you and your coworker does? That’s a problem.

Your best friend shouldn’t know more about your feelings than the person sleeping next to you. Just saying.

8. You’ve Stopped Having Fun Together

Remember when you used to laugh? When you did dumb stuff together just because?

Somewhere along the way, life gets heavy. Things get...routine. You become logistical partners instead of lovers. Coworkers in the business of keeping a household running.

You need silliness. Inside jokes. Bad karaoke nights. Dancing like weirdos in the kitchen. That goofy, electric stuff is glue. Without it? Everything feels like a chore. So go be ridiculous again. On purpose.

9. You Keep Pushing Stuff Off “Until Things Settle Down”

Spoiler alert: they never do. Life is chaotic and relentless and doesn’t care about your dinner plans or your couples therapy schedule.

If you’re waiting for a “better time” to reconnect, to talk, to take that trip, to go on a damn walk together—you’re gonna miss the whole thing. Love lives in the mess. Embrace it now, not later.

10. You Assume They’ll Always Be There

Oof. I almost didn’t include this one because it’s dark, but it’s real. Thinking someone will always be there is the fastest way to start taking them for granted.

We all do it, right? We get used to the good morning texts, the shared playlists, the comfort of “I’ve got you.” But nothing is guaranteed. Love is a choice—daily. Don’t sleep on that. Appreciate them out loud. Today. Now.

Conclusion

Relationships aren’t easy. They’re not supposed to be. They’re messy and human and full of weird habits and inside jokes and grocery list arguments. But they’re also kind of magical, if you pay attention.

So if you’ve been reading this with a lump in your throat or a pit in your stomach or just the sinking feeling of “…crap,” it’s okay. That means you care. That means you can fix it.