10 Mistakes You're Making in Relationships Without Realizing It

Okay, let’s just get this out of the way: relationships are messy. They’re beautiful and exciting and can make you feel like you’re floating on the moon—but they’re also kind of exhausting, confusing, and full of weird little emotional potholes you don’t even see until you’ve already twisted your metaphorical ankle in one.

And the worst part? Half the time, you don’t even know you’re screwing something up until it’s too late. Like, “Ohhh... that’s why they stopped texting back. Cool cool cool.”

So here’s a list of sneaky little mistakes people make in relationships all the time. I’ve done a few (okay, most) of these myself. No judgment—just calling it like it is.

1. Expecting Them to Read Your Mind

This one’s almost cliché at this point, but holy hell, it still trips people up. You think you’re being obvious. You sighed loudly when they walked past the dishes. You gave them the "look" when they brought up their ex again. But guess what? People aren’t psychic.

Say what you mean. Like with words. Spoken out loud. I know, revolutionary stuff here.

2. Confusing Intensity for Intimacy

God, this one got me so bad in my early 20s. If someone makes your heart race and gives you butterflies and you feel like you’re on a rom-com rollercoaster every time they text... it might just be your nervous system in fight or flight mode. Passion doesn’t always equal connection. Sometimes it just means “my trauma recognizes your trauma and they’re having a reunion.”

Chill can be sexy too, you know?

3. Not Having a Life Outside the Relationship

Raise your hand if you’ve ever fallen into that vortex where your world starts revolving around them. Like, suddenly your hobbies are their hobbies, your weekend plans are their plans, and you kind of forget who you even were before you met.

Don’t do that. Seriously. Keep your stuff. Your friends, your routines, your weird little rituals. You need a you that exists independently of the we.

4. Weaponizing “Honesty”

There’s a difference between being honest and just being mean under the guise of “keeping it real.” You don’t have to tell them that you hated their haircut or that you “never really vibed with their mom.” There’s a line.

And I’ve learned (the hard way, obviously) that being brutally honest is sometimes just... brutal.

5. Assuming They’ll Change (for You)

I mean... yikes. We’ve all done this at some point, right? You fall for someone and there’s this tiny (sometimes not-so-tiny) voice that goes, “Yeah okay, they’re emotionally unavailable now, but I’ll fix it. I’ll love them into healing.”

Stop. You are not a therapist. Or a wizard.

People only change if they want to. Not because you were charming enough or patient enough or did enough emotional cartwheels.

6. Keeping Score Like It's a Sport

That tit-for-tat dynamic is poison. It turns love into a transaction. Like, are you dating someone or bartering with them at a flea market? Relationships aren’t 50/50 every day—they’re sometimes 80/20, 30/70, whatever it takes. Stop keeping receipts.

(And yes, I say this as someone who definitely used to keep a mental ledger. Growth, baby.)

7. Avoiding Conflict at All Costs

Listen, I hate conflict too. I’m a recovering people-pleaser. But pretending everything’s chill when it very much isn’t? That’s not healthy.

Fights don’t mean your relationship is doomed. It means you care enough to try. Just fight fair—no cheap shots, no kitchen-sinking, no yelling “you always/never” like you’re casting a spell.

8. Thinking “Love” Should Just Be Easy

Real love is work. Good work, sure. Like building IKEA furniture together—frustrating, confusing, but kind of rewarding when you step back and go, “Damn, we did that.” But still... work.

If it feels too easy for too long, someone’s probably not saying what they really feel.

9. Letting Resentment Marinate

This is like leaving old leftovers in your fridge. At first, you forget it’s even there. Then one day you open the door and get slapped in the face with the smell of emotional rot.

Little annoyances you never bring up? They build. And they turn into big, bitter feelings. Speak up early. Don’t let your partner become your secret nemesis just because they always leave the damn toothpaste cap off.

10. Comparing Your Relationship to Everyone Else’s

Social media is a liar. You’re seeing the highlights. The curated reels. The sunset kisses and “look what he did for meee” posts. You’re not seeing the awkward silences, the passive-aggressive fights in Target, the nights they slept back-to-back because one of them said something dumb.

Stop comparing. Every relationship is weird in its own unique, lovely way.

Final Thoughts

Look, we’re all just stumbling through this relationship stuff. None of us came with instruction manuals. Mistakes are part of it. Growth is part of it. Love is... weird and hard and honestly kind of magical when you get it right.

Just... be kind. To your partner, sure. But mostly? To yourself. You're gonna mess up. So will they. Try to meet each other in the middle—with snacks, if possible.

Now go text someone you love. Or... someone you like but are maybe afraid to tell. Life's short. Just say the thing.