10 Relationship Red Flags You Should Look Out For

Finding a special someone is an amazing thing. When you do meet that someone, it finally makes sense why there are so many love songs and tales of romance. Regardless of your standing on how courtship has changed, I believe we can all agree that there are red flags that you need to watch out for when you are looking for love. Granted, no relationship is perfect but a potential partner may make it obvious that they’re not a good match. Sometimes, though, the signals are subtle. This is not a comprehensive list of all red flags, but one that covers some important ones.

Red Flag #1: Jealousy

We all get jealous about something at some point. It happens. Jealousy can come about for many reasons, but the greatest concern as a potential partner is how your partner handles it. If they lash out and justify it because of their jealousy, take that as a warning for things to come. We have heard tales about people getting jealous for inane reasons, and if their way of handling it is by lashing out, do not stick around. Usually, this will lead to bigger blowups or demands for more control over your life. However, if your partner is willing to work on it, and they truly mean it, then there is nothing wrong with assisting them along the way.

Red Flag #2: Entitlement

Relationships are a constant shift of give and take, compromise, and setting aside your wants for the needs of your partner. Entitlement occurs when the needs of one are overlooked for the wants of the other. If you need an example, it looks like one partner needing to take a break from physical activities after an injury, and the other partner constantly asking to do physical activities despite knowing their partner is injured. Or it can be your partner constantly asking you to cover dinner dates, but never offering to compensate, or failing to compensate. A selfish partner is a major red flag as their demands will only escalate. They may come to resent hearing the word “no”. If they refuse to think about anyone but themselves you need to move on.

Red Flag #3: Lack of Direction

This refers to many aspects. Whether it’s their future, their career, or even the relationship itself, someone who isn’t sure about what they want is a red flag. If they are unsure whether they want to be in your life at all, it’s a “no”. Granted, if someone says they want a relationship but not marriage or kids, that does not mean they lack direction. Someone who truly lacks direction won’t know what sort of relationship they’re even looking for, and may be waiting for something to fall into their lap. This behavior should also be examined on a case by case basis, though, as trauma can cause someone to act in this manner. More than anything, if they seem unsure about the future and you, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. If someone wants you around, they’ll make it known.

Red Flag #4: Inability to be Wrong

We are human, we all make mistakes at some point. No one should expect you to be perfect. Saying “I was wrong” and “I’m sorry” should be standard to everyone’s language. But there are some who refuse to use these phrases or even consider they made a mistake. They double down and pin it on you, hoping you will take the blame or cause confusion so you’ll stop talking about it. These types render conflict management impossible, and with each disagreement or conflict they continue to get worse. In a healthy relationship, someone can bring up an issue and both parties work to resolve the issue, even if it is simply a misunderstanding. If they cannot take responsibility for being wrong, it will only get worse with bigger issues.

Red Flag #5: No One Likes Them

It is rare that everyone likes someone, so it’s understandable to have a few friends or family members who don’t vibe with your partner. It’s entirely different when everyone wishes you hadn’t brought them around. And they’ll let you know, too. Sometimes it’s subtle and sometimes they’re very vocal about it, but you will know. In the worst cases, even their friends will make it known that you deserve better. Listen to them. Do not fall for the romantic idea that you can prove everyone wrong. If no one likes them, there’s a reason, even if you don’t see it.

Red Flag #6: "I'm Nice"

Beware the person who calls themselves nice and can only list the things they do not do. Things like “I’m a nice girl who doesn’t need expensive dates.” or “I’m a nice guy. I don’t hit my women!” That’s great, but what do you do? Why do you feel the need to state what you don’t do? In the writing world, there is the rule of “show, don’t tell” which is exactly as it sounds. By saying that you’re nice, it leads one to wonder if that is your only trait. And more often than not these types are not as nice as they claim. If your potential partner can only say that they are nice, tread with caution.

Red Flag #7: Suspicious Compatibility

Every once in a while, you come across someone who has very similar tastes or interests to your own. Of course, there are some differences and disagreements, which is to be expected. However, if someone seems to be on the same page for everything, it is definitely a call to be suspicious. If you ask what their favorite movie is and they respond by passing it off to you, consider this a red flag. If they can never answer any question unless you have already answered previously (so they know the proper answer to give), run. Compatibility is great, but honesty is just as important, and one needs to wonder why they feel the need to parrot your answers. It’s okay for a potential partner not to agree on every level, because compatibility is more than just having similarities.

Red Flag #8: Expectations

Generally, expectations are bad; nothing in life will go as you expect it to. There’s a reason there are so many jokes and references to people with a laundry list of unrealistic qualities and traits they want their potential partners to have. However, expectations can also come in the form of a relationship leading to marriage, or for your partner to gain an interest in all of your hobbies. It’s nice to hope for these things, but to expect it? That can lead to resentment when you don’t get what you want. If your partner is willing to try one of your hobbies, that should be enough. If your potential partner is pushing their expectations onto you, you are allowed to say that you are not interested, or you did not enjoy it when you did try it. If they expect you to do everything they do, do not expect this relationship to flourish.

Red Flag #9: Commitment Shy

This may sound contradictory to what I said before, but this goes beyond marriage or wanting children. This is someone who will not commit to anything. They cannot set a time for a date, a hobby, or even a video call or chat session. If they cannot even decide on a time to see you, this is a red flag. Granted, things do come up that can factor into time management, but if this continues after several attempts it’s probably best to move on. Sometimes this happens when someone is still unsure with what they want out of a relationship or, at worst, they’re playing you. If they want you around, they will make time for you. If not, find someone who will.

Red Flag #10: Inability to be Alone

Doing things together can be fun; innocuous things suddenly become mini adventures when you and your partner go to places. It’s a great feeling. Having to be at your partner’s side at every point? Not so much. It can be an exhausting endeavor. No matter how great your partner is, alone time is important for both of you. We need time to ourselves to do our own things. It’s healthy. If your partner insists on doing everything together, it might be a sign of codependency. Continuing to be with them at every turn will eventually become grating. You might get irritable and lash out when it becomes too much. This goes double if your partner won’t let you do things you enjoy, but they do not. You’re both allowed to spend time doing things apart. If your partner won’t allow you to do anything without them (even if it’s an activity you’d rather do by yourself, or with a different group of friends), it might be time to rethink the relationship.