What Disturbs Thee?

What Disturbs Thee?

“You’ve forgot about them boxes over there! Why do you never listen?! You really are useless, you know that? No wonder your mother had enough of you and left.”

Not the usual kind of conversation you would think you would have with your stepmother. She has been my dad’s wife for 3 years now. She started off with the niceties and caring attitude whilst she was digging her claws into our lives, but since he said them fateful four words “will you marry me?” and planted that diamond ring on her finger she has since had her claws dug well and truly into my father’s fortune. And my life.

We are on the move, my family home. I still cannot believe it my father never in the right mind would move from here. He and my mother loved this home they made this home together. But Vanessa has since decided it is time to move and my father agreed to it in her own words not his, this house is no longer suitable for her lifestyle, mental health and it messes with her ‘feng shui’. So, the solution? We need a house with a bigger pool and bigger wardrobe. She has not even worn half of the stuff my father has naively paid for and instead of maybe wanting to release some of those designer clothes to charity to make someone else feel great for a day she decides she wants more space and more clothes. Not sure why I expect her to even have that kind of thought. I guess maybe I still long for that caring nature my mother had, still does not make sense why she would just leave on us like that. I have learnt to not ask my father anymore. I can still see it pains him to talk about her. I know they had some arguments before she left, she began to question my father a lot about his time away from us and not returning calls. I guess his new wife is the reason for that. Last thing I remember is my mother crying after my father slammed the door to his study from their evening out with guests, I never saw my father so angry and yelling “This will be the last time you humiliate me!” I asked if everything was alright? She just turned to me, smiled, and said, in her calming manner. “yes, everything is fine son, sorry we woke you up. Get some sleep I’ll see you in the morning, I love you” And when it came to the morning, she wasn’t there. Or any mornings after that, just like that she was gone.

When challenging my father to where could she be, he would never explain to me except just always saying “she’s gone son, leave it.” But he was never himself after that. I guess he holds a lot of guilt for his wrong doings in their marriage. Although I hated the fact, she had walked out on us, on me. I knew I had to be there for my father also. It was a while before he would introduce me to his new wife. But soon as she came into the household, she has been the thorn in my side. Infront of my father she plays the role perfectly loving, interested in who I am and my interests. Soon as he is away, she turns. Like I am in the way of them two having a perfect life. But here we are moving agai… “JAMIE! Move them boxes from your fathers’ study or so help me you will be gone too. Just like your rotten mother!”

I feel my blood rush to my head, all the anger I have felt comes racing to me like I’m ready to explode, preparing for the red mist that seemed inevitable to expose itself with the adrenaline already being pumped round at what seems like 100mph I’m ready to burst with rage, but then a quick thought comes to me, “£20,000” the money that was promised to me from my father if I was able to help out with Vanessa around the place whilst he was away on his business trips. Once I do it I can get out of here and begin my life in America under the graduate scheme, the money for the initial placement fee and after that he would then finance me to complete my studies and make a start on my career in computing. After thinking this over, the adrenaline I once had was already diminishing and from the suppression of not reacting to the well overdue rage toward her. Now all is left is the cramps in my stomach from the nerves. “I’ll go now Vanessa.”

I’ve never been able to have access to my fathers’ study they were off limits but Vanessa gave me the key to his study and desk and spent some time in here also recently, but since he isn’t here to clean his own space guess I’m having to cover that for him, come to think of it I’ve not actually heard from my father in a while, nor has Vanessa mentioned him. She would hound him for money constantly and I have not seen her do that for some time and yet suddenly, we are moving to a bigger property? “JAMIE, they will be here soon move it now!” another foghorn blast from the witch. Crazy to think this room has been off limits since my mother left, now here I am clearing it out. So many files and paperwork I would not even know where to begin with all thi… I have seen this before; my father would carry it everywhere with him and never leave out of site, I once picked it up and he scolded me which was out of character for him to raise his voice to me. So why is it here, just in the open of his desk drawer? His black leather bonded, gold trimmed notebook. It seems so new to say he has had it all this time, turning the pages but no words have been written in this? How can that be? I have searched back to front and there is nothing. “Right, you little worthless worm, you better have all that stuff packed or so help I will make sure you wish you was never born!” Vanessa again shouting from the top of her lungs to make sure every part of my core has heard what she has screeched.

That is it I can’t contain it anymore I need to tell her once and for all where she belongs and to get out of my father’s house! Huh? That was not there before, the pages had no writing but now I can see there is here, “WHO DISTURBS THEE?” have I just fainted? and now I am imagining this surely? Well, I know who is disturbing me, “Vanessa Simmons” she doesn’t even deserve that last name, that’s who’s disturbing me. The words they… they have gone again. I just had my eyes on them and now they… “NAME YOUR PRICE” What does that mean?! “JAMIE...” that screech again. £20,000! that is my price, I cannot wait another second I need that money to get out of here… They have gone again, the words gone. What was all that about? That is it, this woman has driven me to brink of insanity.

I will take this book with me in case it decides to have another questionnaire with me, “right Vanessa I’ve packed everything, are they here?” “Vanessa?” Where is she? It is not like her to suddenly be quiet especially when she was pushing me to hurry for the removal van, “Vanessa?” where could she be? I did not hear any van pull up and all her stuff is still here, but amongst all her designer luggage I have not seen this suitcase before? It has the same detail as this book. Black with gold trimmings running along the side. She is not answering me anyway so what is the worst that can happen? unclasping the locks to see what could be inside… WHAT THE?! Where has this come from? Has she taken this from my father’s vault? He kept a vault of cash I know that much since my mother left, he had it stacked I remember him leaving it in there, I need to let him know.

I have never called him on his business trips so he will know it is important. “please hang up and dial again” huh? Not even a ring tone. “please hang up and dial again” Why would he not answer me? “please hang up and dial again” How much exactly was she going to take with her and steal from him? They are all in fifty-pound notes. There are thousands here, I will run it through my father’s safe scan in his study. £5000, £6000, £7000, how did she get to it, I am sure she never knew it was there he never mentioned it to me so why would he tell her? I only saw it one time when he thought I was out for the weekend, £12,000, £13,000. Still strange how I have not heard from Vanessa since all of this, I’m sure she would have screeched at me shouting so loud at finding this case. £18,000, £19,000, £20,000. It has stopped, £20,000 in that case, she was going to take £20,000 with her. But wh… Wait. I said £20,000 to this book; I also said her name. In my rage I did not even think I just said it... she... she was disturbing me and the price, it asked for a price. I said £20,000 to get me to America and away from here not having to wait for my father to send me the money. But she has gone, my father has not called in weeks, or spoke to me. Gone. My mother, years. Gone.

But nothing was in this book, no names, or prices. I am flicking through these pages and nothing not a trace, not even the writing that revealed itself to me before is here. Does this mean. This book makes people disappear for a price. Surely not? Do not be silly. But now a feeling creeps over me I have not had since the time my father said my mother was gone and never coming back, and it was that realisation that something was wrong. He was angry. He must have said her name. Vanessa she was never in love with my father just his money and when he denied moving out of this home, they had a huge fight and she never spoke of him again. She must have said his name to this book. And me. I always hated her since she turned cold to me after taking our family name, she wanted me out the picture right away, and when I had this feeling of rage the book spoke to me in the writings, I said her name. but that rage has long gone and the only feeling I have is even colder now and is grabbing hold of my very core, like an anchor has landed on my chest and it will not release and give me peace. What have I done? What did they do?! What is this book I want this away from me, I want my parents back, please tell me what do I do? My blurred vision now happens whilst glaring onto this book from the tears welling in my eyes, this book ruined my life. What do I do to get them back? TELL ME!... the book is now revealing something from the page I first wrote in.

“WHAT DISTURBS THEE?” me, I disturb myself. I disturb myself…

“WHAT IS YOUR PRICE?”