The Train
Can we escape with our lives?
"Hey, HEY!" Someone was shaking me. Who is that? I thought. I slowly forced my eyes open and shook my head, trying to clear the fogginess. I saw the blurry figure in front of me holding something. "I think these are yours." The person placed a pair of glasses into my hands. Do I even wear glasses?
"Oh, thank you." I said politely, putting them on. I blinked surprised, as I noticed both lenses were cracked, distorting my already blurry vision further. "Crap." I blinked a few times, hoping my eyesight would adjust, then took them off as my head started to hurt. "They're too damaged, can't wear em. They'll only hurt my head." I stood up slowly, getting my bearings.
"Where are we?" I asked in confusion as I looked around the empty train car. From the seats, to the tables, walls and ceiling everything looked blackened and charred like it had been burnt. "I uh, I don't know where we are. I know just as much as you do at this point." The stranger sat down in one of the chairs at the table across from me.
"I just woke up a few minutes ago in the next car over, figured I'd see if I could find anyone else. Hey, real quick." He leaned forwards a bit. "Do you know your name? I can't remember mine." He frowned.
Before I could speak a loud buzzing sounded through the train. "Ahem. Yes, is this thing on? Can y'all hear me?" A way to happy voice came through some speakers on the ceiling. "Ima assume ya can and just get to it. Welcome to the Death train! Your only goal is to find a way out or die when it goes over the cliff in about 20 minutes! Good luck!" The voice cackled happily, then cut the intercom off.
We looked at each other speechlessly. "Well, we're not gonna find the way out just sitting here. We only have 20 minutes, let's not waste any of it." I nodded my head. "Um, do you mind if I grab your shirt? I can't see very well and I can't use those glasses, they're kinda shattered. Everything is beyond blurry and fuzzy." He walked over to me and grabbed my hand. "No worries, but we need something to call each other."
I thought to myself for a moment. "Ok, how bout, I'm Lizzie and you can be Brad." I looked up at him. Since we were standing so close together I could see his dirt covered face and dark hair. "Why are you covered in dirt?" I asked. "No idea," He chuckled. "So, why Lizzie and Brad?" He asked grinning. "I dunno." I shrugged as he led the way through the door into the next train car. "It just popped in my head."
"I don't think the exit would be in that one. Let's search in here." The next car looked and smelled as equally burnt as the last. "What exactly are we looking for?" I asked letting go of his hand. I made my way over to the wall slowly, trying not to trip, the darkness not mixing well with my lack of glasses.
Brad walked to the other end of the car and started doing something to the wall. "Try and see if you can't find a window. Maybe, if we find one, we can open it and jump out." I stopped for a second processing his words. "Um, Brad? I don't think we will be able to jump off the train like that. Wouldn't we die?"
"Not necessarily." He walked back over to me. "Wait!" I gasped. "What if there's another way? We can go to the car the train driver uses and see if the brakes work." Brad scratched his chin as he looked at me. "Not a bad idea, I haven't found anything so let's try." He grabbed my hand once again and led me slowly through the next 4 train cars.
The seventh car looked immensely different from the ones we had just come from. "Holy cheese, It's bright in here." I exclaimed. It's brighter, but also blurrier. This is so weird. "I think there's something wrong with my eyes."
"Well, yea." Brad laughed. "You're not wearing your glasses." I shook my head. "No, my vision is getting worse." He tilted his head to look down at me. Our height difference was very obvious when we stood next to each other. "What do you mean?"
"I should be able to see your face, since we're this close to each other, but It's blurrier than before. On top of that, why am I not scared? I keep seeing small flashes of light, and I keep feeling dizzy, it comes and goes but it's still happening, like I'm bout to pass out." I slipped my hand out of his, taking a step back.
"The further we get, the worse it gets." I shook my head as everything started spinning. "I didn't realize it 'till now, but, ever since we left the second car, I've been feeling weird, kinda heavy." My legs collapsed out from under me, causing me to fall. I managed to catch myself on a chair.
"You've been breathing in an odorless and colorless, slow acting anesthesia. It starts in the third car and gets heavier the further you go. I activated it in the second car. It doesn't affect me because I have a tolerance for it." He crouched down next to me taking both my hands into his.
"Tsk, tsk. Poor thing, you're covered in sweat, here." He grabbed a rag from his pocket and wiped the sweat off before it reached my eyes. "You have been an amazing specimen, I didn't think you'd make it this far honestly. Normally, they pass out in car 5, the stuff we use is very strong. The fact you made it all the way to car 7? Very impressive."
"Oh and by the way, those weren't your glasses. They had a numbing agent, of my own invention I might add, on them. It numbs everything, literally everything, emotions go first, specifically fear and doubt, which is why you're not scared. It spreads through the nerves in your brain, its fast acting, slow spreading, and you don't even realize anything is happening until it's too late." He explained.
POV CHANGE
"Are you sure you should be telling her all this Big Brother?" The overly happy person from the speakers opened the door to the next car and walked in. "It's not like it matters Little Brother, look at her, It's taking everything she has to stay conscious. Soon she'll succumb to it, her body is already numb, see?" Brad pinched the girl's arm and she didn't flinch. She made no movements whatsoever. Her eyes followed the two of them as they spoke, but she couldn't hear a sound. She couldn't even form a thought.
They watched the girl's eyes closed. They grinned at each other as Brad picked her up before she could fall out of the chair. "Looks like it's dinner time Little Brother. Let's eat and make room for next week's catch. I told you the glasses bit would work." He cackled as they made their way off the train.
"Don't forget to turn the machine off and charge it. Can't make the train shake if the machine is dead." The Little Brother grabbed the extension cord that trailed out from their small makeshift house. "Hurry up, Little Brother, before the sun comes up. The desert sun is unforgiving." Brad went inside as his brother plugged in the broken down train they rigged to shake to make it seem like it was moving.
The Little Brother followed his Big Brother into the house to help prepare their meals for the week.
About the Creator
CrowsFyre
Ima stay at home mom Ive been majorly reading since i was 8 i get lost in everything i read nd write its always been a dream of mine to be able to write for people to read nd now i can <3
Reader insights
Outstanding
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On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
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Arguments were carefully researched and presented
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Comments (6)
This was an amazing story! Captivating and suspenseful right from the beginning. Loved the twist!
Excellent! Hearted!!! Subscribed too
Interesting switch, really enjoyed this, welcome to Vocal and you got a new subscriber
this was really good. Loved the twists and turns. Great job
I like your style of writing. Plain, easy to follow and the story is more important than a whole lot of flowery prose. An intelligent person will use simple language to explain a complex situation whilst an unintelligent person will use complex words to try to explain a simple situation. Well done on your earliest attempts at writing. Congratulations and best wishes. Very good start.👍
This was well written but felt rushed. Maybe slowly throughout the story describe the increasing symptoms. Or show his reactions to the main characters observations. You explained more than described. Try to find words that show rather than tell. I struggle with this as well. But overall interesting take on the challenge. Here's mine if you're interested. https://shopping-feedback.today/families/footprints-in-the-snow-4h3bn50vzu%3C/span%3E%3C/span%3E%3C/span%3E%3C/a%3E%3C/p%3E%3C/div%3E%3C/div%3E%3C/div%3E%3Cdiv class="css-w4qknv-Replies">