The Self-Improvement Project

Money was hard to get after the pandemic. Being a college student who lives away from home is out of a job because it is nonessential. Practicing social-distancing wasn't too hard. Taking online classes was the only upside due to this situation. Finding a job was hard; I had multiple interviews for different jobs, but all of them had the same answer, "Sorry to inform you. We are currently looking into other candidates right now."

Down on my luck, I came across a job ad on Craigslist, "$1,000 test subject experiment." Rent was coming up, and in desperate need of money, I took the survey. I figured after losing my girlfriend as well; I had nothing left to lose.

The job requires no previous experience. The description of the ad says, "Looking for an assistant who will perform a psychological exam for 48 hours. Take a survey and see if you qualify!" The gig seems like an easy cash grab. I applied right away, as I did for other jobs on craigslist and linkin. The only place I heard back from was surprisingly the laboratory; they called me to be there on that same day.

My heart never pounded so fast. I felt a great sense of urgency. I skipped class that day and put on my best dress shirt, pants, and shoes. I calmed down, but the blood drained on my face again by the time I arrived at the building. Getting nervous about my job on the first day, I had countless thoughts in my head. If I do great within the 48 hours, maybe they will hire me as a full-time employee?

I entered the building. The floors and the walls were both pearly white. There were two people in the room beside me. They were standing behind a black desk. A young man was wearing a lab coat with a black dress shirt and black pants; the other was a young woman who just had a dress shirt and skirt. They finally noticed my presence, and both give off a welcoming smile.

"Hello, my name is Jacob. I am here for the job." I nervously chuckled. That is a bad habit of mine. I would always make a smile or laugh a little whenever I feel tense. This trait would get me into a lot of trouble during my school years. I remember a time a teacher lost their chalk, and they asked the class who took it. I knew it was a harmless prank by my classmates, and it made me smile guilty. That made the teacher assume it was me, which caused me to erupt in laughter.

That got me sent to the principal's office. My classmates were proud of me for taking the downfall. That habit followed me, and I also bite my fingernails when I am anxious. Biting my nails hurt my chances at some job interviews and with making friends. I couldn't stop it. I just subconsciously do it.

"Hello, Jacob. My name is Linda. I was hoping you could come over here and fill this form out for me." Linda said, handing me a clipboard. I read some of the contents: The Self-Improvement Journey. Our staff of psychologists and neuroscientists will help you be a better you. We will change your life with our 3-D brain scanner with CRISPR. The signature at the bottom states in agreement that we are not liable for the possible side effects in this clinical study. I didn't bother reading anymore of the wavier and signed at the bottom. I am in desperate need of money.

There was a direct deposit form behind the front papers that I had to fill out with my bank information.

The young man waited until I handed the paper to Linda. Then he held out his hand, "Great, now that it's settled. My name is Matthew. Follow me, Jacob." I shook his hand, and I noticed he had a firm grip. He was full of confidence; I, on the other hand, was not. I saw my shoulders were slouching, and my head was looking down. This guy looked no older than me, but he has his life together.

I followed him to a room where there was a bed that goes into a machine. I noticed there were straps on the bed, and I laughed, "Am I going on that?" Matthew looked at me and gave me a reassuring smile, "Don't worry. This is an x-ray machine that will allow us to monitor brain activity. We are going to experiment here, and I am going to observe changes to your body. We have reason to believe that this method will have you change to a better person."

"A better person?" I asked. "Yes, This experiment that you agreed to sign states that you will undergo this process for 48 hours. Your survey matches the candidate that we are looking for; your results were mild to severe depression." I was surprised at the scientist diagnosing me like that. Indeed, I haven't been in the best mood, but maybe he was right.

Matthew took my temperature and measured my vitals. Then he pulled out a tube that had this blueish liquid in it. Matthew made me take a few drops of it and put on a helmet. Then he finally injected a clear liquid into me. I laid on the bed, and he strapped me in. Then I see him take out a black notebook and started taking notes. I felt weird, and my vision wasn't clear. My body felt on fire. I felt like I took a hallucinogen.

I regained consciousness. Suddenly, I was surrounded by insects, and they were crawling all over me. I shook them off and ran as fast as I can into a web of spiders. I screamed and flailed my hands. Then just as I felt the tiny legs moving on my face, it just stopped out of nowhere. I looked around me, but all around me was just black. I was in the dark. The loneliness took hold of me. I waited and waited, and nothing happens. I was scared. But then, after a long while. I had a new fear arrived.

Have you ever been in a dark room alone, but you had an eerily suspicion that you are not alone? That you feel like someone was there, watching you? I was terrified of something was there watching me until something confirmed it. It was the sound of perverted breathing. The sporadic sounds were getting louder and irregular. Then it took hold of my neck. I jumped out of my skin and grabbed at what seemed like arms.

"You don't know how long I have waited for this moment." The raspy voice said. "Who are you?" I barely managed to get out. I was losing oxygen, and I can feel my face getting hotter. "I am you; I am the darkest part of you. I am all your fears, your pain, your weakness—I something primal in you. I desire to be free and not oppressed."

I struggled harder and harder. I finally got it off me. It was trying to grab me again, but I kept pushing it away. Just when I wanted to give up, the creature tried harder. But I pushed back this time with all my strength.

The creature spoke, "You may win this time, but I will be here, waiting until you give up again."

With those final words, I woke up. I was in bed. Matthew was writing more notes in his black notebook. "You did it, congrats. You should notice a change within a few days, but importantly you might experience a blackout, so don't operate machinery." He was right. After he checked up on me, I checked my phone and noticed $1,000 wasn't deposited but instead $20,000. "Consider that a bonus to your new life," Matthew said at my confusion.

Matthew walked me out after checking my vitals. He told me that I was one of the many people that will be the better versions of themselves. That I am a start of the change in this world, and within a few years, it will be available to everyone.

Ever since that day, I have felt free. I was more confident, and I stopped slumping my shoulders. I smiled more, but I didn't nervously smile or laughed at inappropriate times. I asked a girl that I was into out. I landed a job that I wanted to intern.

But today, I had a blackout. I woke up to a note on my nightstand. What was strange about that note is it is in my handwriting. The fact that it was in my writing was already unsettling, but what was on the paper was even more chilling. The note said, "I am still here."

I realized that creature is out there waiting for me, but I am different. I fought it off at my weakest time. Then I can handle it during my strongest.

If you see an ad on Craigslist asking you to be a test subject, don't apply, or you might not like who you become.