The Face of Horror

My love of horror movies started out quite complicated. When I was really small My older brother was babysitting me and watching a nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. I Desperately wanted to watch it with him and tried to sit through it but I became so scared. I literally thought that Freddy was going to pull me through the couch. I had horrible nightmares about Freddy after that but the strange thing drawn to films like Ghostbusters and Beetlejuice. There were certain parts of both films that I could not watch at all! I was terrified of the Staypuft Marshmallow man and the demon dogs so I would hide under the coffee table from them. I could not handle when Beetlejuice became the snake version of himself so under the coffee table I went then too. As terrified as I was at times, I was still completely drawn to the macabre. I found myself obsessed with Goosebumps books, and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. I watched tamer movies about ghosts and witches like Casper and Hocus Pocus on repeat.

However, in junior high, everything changed. My cousins had come for a visit and our moms had gone out for a girls night so we decided to make snacks and watch a spooky movie. Of course, we picked one of the scariest films of all time… The Exorcist. Something changed in me that night I was fascinated with the movie. I was fascinated with Linda Blair and her performance. I realized that these were just movies and I was at an age where I was beginning to realize how scary the real world was. As I began to face my horror movie fears and watch more and more the nightmares began to fade. I had embraced and even befriended my childhood fears. Horror became an intense fixation for me.

One of the scariest things I was dealing with was intense bullying primarily because I was autistic and didn’t know it yet. I was a downright weirdo to my peers. From the way I walked to my peculiar way of talking. They hated how I would info dump about the things I loved. They poked fun at my clothes, my hair. Nothing I did was right. My bullies were vicious and cruel, and made me feel like everything I was going through was a mistake. I was not only dealing with my emerging and almost blinding neurodivergence but my sexuality too. I was overloaded by monsters in my own reality so the monsters on the screen seemed far tamer. I found a strange solace in characters like Jason Voorhees. I wanted to go back and destroy those who hurt me… but obviously in far less violent ways. I felt like I was one of Tod Browning’s Freaks, but I was so alone… no troupe of folks to call my own. What many people don’t know is that I deal with intense, agoraphobia and social anxiety that make it very difficult for me to leave the house. I need a companion and even then I may reschedule and change plans because my body and mind just cannot handle the anxiety of being in public or around other people. However, horror events have been a way to get me out and about and pushing past those fears on a regular basis. my fixation on the spooky and my love of all things scary helps me to push past the anxiety of stepping out of my front door. When horror nights season begins at Universal Studios, I push past the fear to go every week if not multiple times a week. Being there amongst the scare actors and the elaborate sets has become home to me. You may also find me watching scary movies at Hollywood forever with my close friends… yes this lonely little creep did become less alone.

I would eventually find my creeps. I neurodiverse collection of incredible individuals with a love for the dark and mysterious just like me. I have a little group of close friends who share a love of Horror Nights and Halloween. The type of friends who do not judge but embrace. They never stop me from stimming with my hands or making noises to comfort myself. They sit through the strangest films with me and love to taste test my spooky treats. I found my crew, and after years of torment and bullying, they seem like the greatest reward. Like a horror movie actually getting an Oscar nominee, I feel like a true winner.

Speaking of being a winner I’m currently in the face of horror competition! It’s a really cool competition where you can vote to the 2024 face of horror who gets to do a photo shoot with my personal favorite Jason Voorhees, Kane Hodder. The thing about this is the whole thing raises money for Starlight children’s foundation! Everyone gets one free vote, but if you pay to give more votes, you are donating to Starlight! That’s right paid votes are a donation to help sick kids! You get to be a light in the life of a sick child, how cool is that? And in the end you can help me become the 2024 face of horror! This would be a great opportunity for me as an autistic person to show the world that so many stereotypes about autism are wrong and I’m just one face on the spectrum!

You can vote for me daily by clicking here ! You can vote daily for free, or buy votes and donate to Starlight Children’s Foundation. And yes, donations ARE tax deductible.

For more information on Starlight Children’s Foundation, click below!