The Door

The feeling of relief vibrates through me for a brief moment. Followed by the feeling of excitement, accessibility, freedom. Then guilt. Could I really claim this? How could I not? If it wasn’t rightfully mine then why do I have it? That's what I tell myself, to justify my decisions going forward.

IImagine being 16; you want it all when you're 16, but it’s as if it is never in reach at such a young age. What measures would you go through to achieve your aspirations? Where would you stop? Would you stop? I wouldn't. And I didn’t. No matter the cost.

In 2004, life had changed for me, it started with a car, my dream car. I’ll let you fantasize the model and make. From cars, I went on to jewelry because you know, diamonds are a girl's best friend. How could a 16 year old afford this? Well like they say, when opportunity knocks answer. If it doesn't? Break it down and make it yours.

Of course life didn’t always allow you to break the door down, but sometimes life did dwindle other opportunities in your face, like a teenager's dreams, so close, but out of reach. The guarantee always stands that when you find something that you absolutely must have, absolutely must put everything on the line for, you both will be begging for each other, playing cat and mouse until it is yours.

My opportunity was a little black book. Leather.

An antique, a memoire, is what they will call it, as soon as i’m done with it ....and boy, will you want to see it. I created my own opportunity with this book. I created my own sequence of events that allowed me to come into possession of it. Will the punishment fit the crime? Never.

My small little black book, I named it the Abyss, because like an abyss the possibilities are endless, there is no finish line, no end in sight, to the naked eye at least. Abyss showed me that if I really want something, to stop at nothing. I'm sure you're wondering where, or should i say who i got this book from. If i said i got it from a homeless man would you believe me? Probably not, but if I said I slowly killed someone over the course of a month you probably would.

That’s just too bad now isn't it. No one believes the truth, nor do they know what the truth is. People become addicted to the versions that they like, and that they can accept.I can say this; for the book to come into my possession, it took sacrifice. A lot of it.

The sacrifices never really stop once you're rich. That’s right, RICH. What started off as a small $20,000 turned into a decade of luxury. My last decade. Unfortunately, I falsely imagined a life where I could do whatever I want, be who or whatever I want. But life never stops. It's an endless roller coaster up highs and lows, with a more expensive setting. Although I can say that it is not me that is doing the sacrificing. Like I said, if opportunity knocks, let it in, if not break the door down and make it yours. No one will ever stand in the way again, because if they do? They’ll be just another wrinkle inside of the Abyss.

If you are reading this, once you come to understand the ways in which the book works, tear out these pages and mail them to the local news papers here in Ontario as well as to the closest local police station. Please use an alias, for your own sake. No return address.

Like I said, the punishment will never fit the crime.