Rudolph the Red Nosed Horror

Ho ho ho! Santa is here to tell you the terrifying real tale of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. The story has been changed over the years to make it more marketable for kids but I feel that someone needs to know the truth. I am the 76th incarnation of Santa. The title of Santa is one that you don't ask for and you definitely don't come into it because of family. One day you're some regular person in the world and then the next you too might be Santa. Whenever a current Santa passes away for any multitude of reasons the cosmos seeks out a new one immediately. I used to be Robert Hiemen and lived in Germany during the time of the Third Reich. One day though I vanished not just from my home but also the memories of all my loved ones. It was like I never existed. I became the new Santa and I have been since then. On average a normal Santa lives around two hundred years. So I've still got a while to go.

However, enough about me. I'm sure you're curious about the North Pole. There are elves a plenty and magic is everywhere. We wouldn't be able to do what we do without it. The other 364 days of the year besides Christmas Eve I guide the elves and gather the magic needed to make our whole operation run smoothly. Without all of that magic there would be no toys or flying reindeer to pull me around. I also do a lot of working out since breaking into that many houses is exhausting work.

I'm sorry about all of that. I got myself off track. I don't get to talk to many normal people pretty much ever so when I do I end up being a bit of a chatterbox. Rudolph was born during the time of the 24th Santa. Just like the song says when he was young his nose began to glow and he was mocked for it. To the point where he actually tried to run away from the North Pole. However that same magic that helps the reindeer to fly also keeps them anchored to the North Pole. No matter how many times he ran away eventually he would find himself back at the stables to be mocked once more.

Well eventually a foggy Christmas Eve came that was so bad that Santa couldn't fly out. So he looked to Rudolph and asked him for his help. Well I should say he demanded it. Maybe if he asked then none of this would have happened. So Rudolph helped him fly that night and indeed from that point forward he was "accepted" by the rest of the reindeer. However none of them ever actually apologized for their behavior or changed themselves to act better. Rudolph spent the rest of his life with a slow building rage inside of him for both the reindeer and Santa. His anger and bitterness kept him alive for far longer than a normal reindeer. However he did eventually pass away as all things do.

When he did though, a being of the cosmos who delighted in such things took a liking to Rudolph. As a famous science fiction writer would eventually call them an Elder God was what took in Rudolph. On the day of his death a shrine appeared in the North Pole to Rudolph. Santa was told that if he should ever need Rudolph to guide his sleigh again all he had to do was call on him. As well as offer a sacrifice in the form of a freshly killed reindeer. Santa would have to sing the original verses to the song to summon Rudolph and if the offering was accepted then he would eat the reindeer. If the offering wasn't accepted then Rudolph would eat Santa instead. Oh you want to know the original lyrics to the song. Well it's pretty much the same up to this part.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve

Santa came to pray

Rudolph with your nose so bright

Accept this sacrifice and guide my sleigh tonight

Santa would know if Rudolph was coming from whatever corner of the cosmos he was in by the sound of Rudolph singing back.

Then all the other reindeer still hated him

Still mocked him behind his back

So Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Slaughtered them and all their friends

So of course you don't call on him unless you absolutely have to. Some Santa's have lost their lives because of bad flying conditions and not calling on Rudolph. Only two have died as a result of having their sacrifice being found to be lacking. However as time has gone on and the weather patterns around the world have shifted foggy Christmas Eve's have become a more common occurrence. In the written logs that every Santa leaves for their successor my predecessor alone had to summon him over twenty times. This was my first time having to call on him. I've made do up until now but this year was a bad one and so I was forced to make the call.

I went to the shrine earlier tonight and brought a reindeer with me. Of course the reindeer figured out what was happening as soon as I began to sing the song. The poor thing struggled and kicked out at me from the leash I had him on but all that working out I do let me hold on to him with ease. As I finished my part of the song I hugged it to me tight and slit its throat open. I dropped it to the ground with tears in my eyes as its blood soaked the pristine white snow the color of crimson. I looked up into the night sky and waited for a response.

I noticed that all of the stars were dimming out one by one until the sky was black. All except for one red spot that was steadily growing larger by the second. Soon I could hear the next part of the song being sung back to me. Within moments of my call he had come. I can say that I was in no way prepared for the horror that floated down in front of me. He was easily twice the size of a normal reindeer and had no skin. His body was nothing but muscle, tendons, and sinew all dripping with something that looked kind of like blood. However as it dripped on to the snow it painted it black and slowly melted it away. His body was putting off massive waves of steam and he smelled as if he had been dead for years. His nose was the only part of him that looked anything like I imagined it though even it was deformed. The glow from it almost blinding to the point that I had to avert my eyes from it.

He began to eat the dead reindeer with gusto. Biting and ripping into the flesh, tearing out chunks of muscle, and crunching down the bones until the only thing left was the blood stain. Rudolph licked his teeth with something of a grin before speaking to me telepathically, "A worthy sacrifice Santa. Which number are you?"

I could barely get my words out. I was trembling so much from just being around him, "I'm the 76th incarnation of Santa. Have been now for around eighty years."

Rudolph laughed, a horrible cracking sound that sounded like something beyond my understanding, "You've made it farther than many before you without having to call on me. Congratulations. I will guide you this night so have no more fear for your journey."

I gulped feeling so insignificant in front of this grand otherworldly creature, "Thank you."

With that he began trotting off towards my stables, every step causing more of the black ichor to drip off of him. I followed behind trying to keep my lunch from earlier in the day down. So anyways that's why I've been hiding out here in your home for a little bit. He scares the hell out of me needless to say. However I really should get going before I fall behind on my schedule. Plus I'm scared if I leave him there too long by himself with the other reindeer he may decide to have a snack. Well thanks for listening to my story and Merry Christmas.

I watched as Santa climbed out of my window and just levitated up to my roof. I had come downstairs to start putting out presents under the trees because my children had finally fallen asleep. Now however I think I'm going to do that and then have a few drinks of liquor heavy eggnog or I may not get any sleep tight. I heard the crack of the reins and Rudolph letting out a throaty growl as they took off into the night.

Alright so I know this was an awful retelling of the Rudolph story but it popped into my head and I just couldn't let it go. If you enjoyed this story then please heart, subscribe, and feel free to leave a tip. You can now also pledge 3 dollars a month to me and help support my writing. As an added bonus you will always find my newest stories up at the top of your subscription feed. Till next time.