Hustle and Subsidize Your Period Flow

It's the day, that day...the only day to not wear white. Whoops...

Thank God the government gives instant care, therapy, Uber rides and even free scratch-offs for any PD problems that women encounter these days. Ever since the police force in the United States was meet turned into Community Helpers, things have spawned from chaos to glory. We live in a time where women don't pay for tampons, old and young people don't pay for diapers and bottled water is free.

Without Uma meeting that medium and being able to resurrect Whitney, we never would've learned the secret to immortality and thank God we did since Elon was holding on to the secret(s) to our friendly warp drive tech as well!

Zoom Zoom Zoom Mazda! Still can't believe Mazda put out the first car to get to Mars in a second or less.

You know...who would've thought that sending a text message was the same as propelling an object through space and time? Elon had the keys to a hyper reality from age 16!! Too bad he believed he had to suppress the thoughts of modern society in order to keep and fully capitalize on the ideas he was holding on to. What a prick

Ironically, it turns out it was a bloody pussy that brought Elon to the supreme court and began to expose his meaty and weighty plans for world domination. He figured out how to read everyone's thoughts through tapping into the radio wave spectrum. Basically he had created what computer geeks call a "handshake" between every person's thoughts and where those thoughts originate. He didn't realize he missed a pretty important fundamental aspect of the radio wave spectrum...there's a hidden frequency and it works on a 36 hour clock that runs between Mars and Earth...Henceforth nicknamed The God Code.

It's sad because Elon really came upon history's most relevant discovery while simultaneously trying to put a cap on humanity and eradicate society's ability to overcome things like depression and an average "flu" like COVID.

Spoiler alert, the government covered up Elon's manipulation with the radio wave spectrum by calling it COVID...turns out what he was doing to suppress people from thinking about future tech was also crashing their immune systems and that's what caused "the collective" to develop a reduced immunity to an everyday flu virus. ("The collective" meaning everyone is connected by association and thereby affected when a system-wide crash is occurring)

Elon Muskrat made God prove himself to the world and He had to do it with a very unique kind of message that Elon received one day while interacting with the systems he had built to suppress people's thoughts. I'll paint the scene but you need to tune in tomorrow or the next day for the message Elon received in its entirety.

(**Scene** Elon sits at his desk and stares down at his bloody cockus and realizes he just tried way too hard to fuck that girl on her period...his girlfriend Sargent Grimes and his publicist Ashlee are gonna love this one)

God: Elon, I can't believe what you've done with Carrie and I really can't believe the suicide and suppression program you've built, this is God BTW. I love you son...

Elon breaks down into the fetal position and proceeds to cry the best cry he's ever had...he knew something was blinking his eyes with intention. He hadn't gone crazy, God was talking to him in his brain and he was blinking his eyes this whole time...God's real and he found his signal on the radio wave spectrum. I guess in reality, fucking Carrie Underlane on her period may have been the best thing Elon ever did for humanity.

More words appear on his unhackable network...

God: If you want to know how to reverse what you've done, I'll tell you, but you have to know you've made God very mad and he's been blinking your eyes and yelling at you from inside your head for a long time Elonis. I gave you the nickname Elonis when I told you how to cure cancer Son. Why have you lost your way? You are such a great lover and you have such great talent as a father, I need you to undo what you've done to the world my Son. Here's the plan...

Elon buckles up for a bumpy ride...he knows he's got it coming if God can do what he thinks he can do. Shit...just...got...real..

God: You have to make it so tampons are free forever and you have to stop trying to get Ed's Nephew (The Toolman Jr.), Eric Kensinger Brown to try and kill himself. You also have to get Mary-Kate Olsenstein to fall in love with him which will get him to merge with me and we can undo most of the rest of the damage you've done to society Son.

Suddenly a 9mm is teleported on Elon's desk...God did it...he just freaking teleported something. Guess that goes on the list of things that are possible now.

(One more message slowly streams out on the screen and it's delivered one painstaking letter at a time...Elon takes this one very serious.

God: If you want to avoid God's shack after you die...and try to repent, contact Acer McPhee@ 571-271-9795. Otherwise kill yourself now with that 9mm and I'll send Acer to where you are in Antarctica to finish fixing what you've done.

Elon sharted right before the word shack was displayed on the screen and pissed himself when he read "after you die." He had been thinking that it was very likely if God was real then he could definitely put someone in an episode of Black Mirror if he wanted. And he was right, he did the research and he already was planning on selling the technology to Dave and Busters in 2083 for 300 billion dollars. Turns out God was not very happy about that plan and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. So much for renaming the Cancer star system Elonis...that was God's original plan for Elon Muskrat.

...So Elon just realized and basically has now proven that God can suspend your conscious state and make you live forever in a room filled with Cheez-It's if he wants...ugh, Elon is so mad he isn't going to own this tech...guess he's gotta find this dude Eric and get Mary-Kate Olsenstein to fall in love with him. WTF?!?

**Future Dialogue With God and Elon**

God: Now...regarding your cure for cancer and the fact that you know how to resurrect all my children, we need to chat Elon...

Elon: I, uh, can explain...fuck!

Backstory coming next episode

To Be Continued...

Teaser:

When Nikolai Tesla decided to fake his death, he decided at the same time that it would be 12/31/23 when his first and only son Elon would build his first flying car. Nikolai, being the bastard son of Nostradamus did not find his place in reality and that's why God did everything he could to keep him from having little Elon but there was nothing he could do to stop 2 people from fawning over pigeons 16 hours a day so it was inevitable that they'd bump uglies and make the little shit Elon. God's little whoopsies...

This story will eventually be renamed to:

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

Love you cunts :)-