Fear of the Dark

…and she counted, one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - she took a deep breath, opened her eyes and it was gone. The hairs, standing up across my neck, finally lied down when mama told my brother, sister and me how to win against shadows, bogeymen, and things that go bump in the night. Plop, plop, went the steady brown drops of water as they fell into the old mop bucket from the stained ceiling in mama’s bedroom. “Mama.”, blurted my big sister Wendy, “I don’t care about monsters, I think it’s a bunch of nonsense that BABIES...”, she emphasized while looking at me…"are afraid of…"

“I’m not a fuckin’ baby!” I swore at my sister. Light went to dark after the slap across my face, which came from mama. “What did I tell you about your mouth, Calvin…?” Wendy, what did I tell you about antagonizing him?” Smack! “What did I do?” "Go to your rooms, and GO TO BED…both of you!” Shouted mom. Boom! Crack! Went the thunder, which preceded the lightning as the rain pounded the roof - Still rubbing my face, I asked…"but what about…her?" Mama took a deep breath and regained her composure. “Calvin, you are ten today, that means you are a BIG BOY…there is nothing to be afraid of baby, it’s only a dream, OK...?” “OK, mama…” I hugged her and slow-walked towards her door. “Calvin…” said mama…”if you see her, just close your eyes…and count to ten…”

The old wooden floors creaked as I shifted my weight from the doorknob, back towards mama’s bed. I didn’t want to leave her, I didn’t want my family to ever be apart from one another. I miss my twin brother Andre, who left us one year ago. Mama said it was the asthma…I have the asthma too, but I swore, no matter how sick I become, I will never go to the hospital; it was the hospital that killed my brother, not the asthma. I turn the doorknob and say, “OK, mama…I’ll count to ten…” As I left the bedroom, I slowly dragged my feet…I didn’t want to go to bed, I wanted to stay. Two rooms to go and I’ll be at my door …Errruuuunnnn….was the sound as the lights in the house went out. It was nothing new; we were poor, our neighborhood was bad, and every thunderstorm took our lights away.

The dark don’t scare me; it’s the things that live in the dark that scare me. I place my hand upon the door and slowly…I push. My room wasn’t the typical ten year olds room. Mama said I couldn’t hang anything on the walls because our slumlord wouldn’t allow it - she never told me what a slumlord was. There was one bed, one dresser and one mirror, which hung by my closet door. “Shit!” I swore, as I ran towards my bed. I left the window open and rainwater drenched everything on my dresser. My baseball cards, my little league trophy, but most importantly, the small picture of Andre and me…I missed my brother - I hated this room, I hated her…I saw the way she looked at Andre and I didn’t like it. It’s Saturday night…she’s coming for me, but this time I’ll be ready for that bitch. Mama told me the secret…count to ten… Crunch, crunch! I stepped on two fat roaches before I climbed on the bottom bunk. Killing bugs was the only fun thing about living in this nasty house. "Kill as many as you can..." mom would say, because they’re bad for my asthma.

Finally, I crawled into the bed clutching my inhaler tight and saying my prayers as I slid the covers over my face…”God bless my mama, bless Wendy, bless my little brother Sean, and please take care of Andre while he’s with you in heaven. Pfffffftt - I take a puff from my inhaler and close my eyes… "One more thing God, if that bitch comes tonight I want you to kill her…amen." I allow my mind to rest and my imagination takes flight. I think about flying like Superman - I think about fighting space aliens - I think about a new home with a new roof, quiet floors and a room filled with pictures on my wall - I think about my mom smiling again; I think about playing with Andre and…I fall asleep.

Creeaakk…my eyes flutter as the sound of the wooden floor awakens me. I slowly raise my head and look across the room -nothing there. I place my arms across my chest and shut my eyes again…creeaak…"go away…" I whisper as I shut my eyes even harder. “Please, just go away…” My body is cold from the sudden chill in the room. With my hand shaking, I slowly reach for my inhaler and take a puff…pfffffttt. My room goes perfectly still. There is no sound; the plopping of the rain has gone away; in fact, I cannot hear a thing. There’s nothing but a low humming noise coming from the corner of my room. I refuse to open my eyes, and grip my blanket tightly over my head. Creeaak…I slowly lower the blanket from my face and stare into the corner of my room…I see nothing but the penetrating black of the corner.

Quivering, I search the room again, but there’s nothing there…pfffftt…I take another shot from my inhaler. Wait…why is the dark in the corner blacker than the rest of the room…almost unnaturally black. I wipe my eyes and concentrate harder, trying to focus, but I see nothing but black - a shadow. The hair’s on my neck stand and a sudden chill overcomes my body. I think…I think the shadow took a step forward! “…mammmaaa…” I whispered as I put the blanket back over my head. Crying, I begin to count, one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten. I slowly lower the blanket and open my eyes just a little…"MAMMMAA!" The shadow is closer to my bed! I pull the blanket over my head and count louder…ONE…TWO…THREE…FOUR…FIVE…SIX…SEVEN…EIGHT…NINE…TEN…

Shaking like a cold dog, I slowly lowered the blanket and opened my eyes. The Shadow was next to my bed close enough to touch - I cannot scream, I cannot move, I cannot think: fear has taken me prisoner. Petrified, I did not take my eyes off the shadow. Penetrating, boundless black moved close to my face and I could see it. It wasn’t a shadow, it was a woman…a woman in a nurse’s uniform. She did not speak…she did not move…she only stared at me. I cannot see her face - wait, she has no face - she has no eyes - she has no nose, and she has no mouth. I am able to close my eyes again - I squeeze them so tight that my head begins to ache…Go away shadow…just go away…God please don’t let it take me… mama, don’t let it get me…

The shine of white blinds me through shut eyes. I’m squinting, and trying to focus - this isn’t my bedroom, where am I? Where’s mama, where’s my family? “…Calvin…” called a voice I had not heard in a long time. “Andre…is that you? Where are you, where are we?" "She calls it the light…,” says the voice. “Who does?" I asked. “The nurse” says Andre. "Andre, where are you, I can’t move…why can’t I move?" "Turn your head, I’m right here brother."…I turned my head as my brother asked, and there he was…He was a lot paler than I remember, but it was Andre…I had my brother back. "Andre, you’re alive…" I smiled as I looked upon my lost brother. Andre was not smiling, he shook his head from left to right and said, “No I’m not, and neither are you…” I didn’t understand, but the truth was revealed to me when my vision finally gained its proper focus.

As far as my eyes could see, I could see countless bodies of children, all lying on their backs, all restricted, all prisoners to the shadow nurse. I begin to cry…"Andre, I want to go home…" "No brother, this is our home…she comes to feed now - shut your eyes Calvin, and count to ten.

~End