When Will This Cruel War Be Over?

March 15th, 1943

My Beloved Gabriel,

It has been lonely being isolated away from you over these last few years. The fear of being taken by those foul nazis to their death camps you told me about that hardly anyone knows about scares me to death. I have seen the train cars go by from the safety of the trees in which I hide. I can just see my own people just screaming and shouting not knowing where they are being taken to and what lies ahead. I think about all the children that are on their way to meet the angels of death themselves. How could such monsters do this to innocent children that have no idea what is going on. It sickens me deeply to know what true animals are allowed to walk this earth and still be allowed to call themselves human beings; by sending all these people like pigs to slaughter. It sickens me to know that my once beloved village of Chełmno is forever stained with blood and the ashes of people now soak into the soil. I’ll still never forget that day back in 1939 when they invaded our homeland and shortly afterward the lives of parents were taken. My fathers last words telling me to “run” continues to still haunt me every night when I close my eyes. Where I continue to relive that moment that changed everything for me. There have been many countless nights where I sometimes do not sleep through the night as just the constant fear of possibly being shot dead in my sleep scares me. Even on nights where I do actually sleep, I still have nightmares of those wretched extermination camps of what could happen to me if I am taken away to die.

I still feel blessed after you found me shortly after the bombings had laid waste to my country where you came to my rescue and took me away to this dense forest away from it all. I wish you could see the progress I have made with this little shack in the woods we discovered with it being rebuilt to its former glory. I have grown countless fruits and vegetables to help ensure my survival. I know I am safe but, I am reminded that until the war ends nothing will feel 100% safe.

There are many times on certain days where it feels safe I have often ventured to the nearby lake to fish or just take in the serenity and try and forget about all the hate in the world. But just being by any body of water is where I often think about you. I wish how everyday could be just like how we met right before the great war started. The night at that carnival in Koserow and that summer are the days that I wish we could just live every day. If it wasn’t for you teaching me to fish that one summer, I do not think I would have survived out here all alone. There are a few times where I do have to go and gather necessary supplies from the nearby village. But with my hair now being blonde I come and go completely unnoticed, and no suspicion is made just like you.

I do not know how you have managed to secretly work for those beasts; and them not once getting wind that you are no longer one of them. I knew when you told me what you planned on doing, I knew I could not stop you. I still think about that one letter you sent to me right before I went into hiding. Where you told me that you renounced your affiliation with Germany to be with me. By saying " I’ve never seen so much hate and evil in these streets it sickens me to know my own people are slowly becoming monsters. I am reaching the point of where do I end up going from here. Do I continue to take orders from my fellow superiors and continue to pretend that everything that’s being said and done is right for my country. But the other decision I’m making might end up costing my own life with the hope of restoring the respect and honor to Germany and erase the bad name is has now been given around world by this power hungry madman." I have no words on how I can even describe my deep feelings for you with each and everyday knowing that you are doing this for me. My father was truly wrong about you, and I know wherever he is, he now knows that you are a very honored and noble man. A man that doesn’t believe in doing harm to others or spreading the very hate and violence to the innocent. I was frightened and fearful that you too would give in to influence of your leaders, and you would no longer love me for the Jewish woman that I am. But the fact that you are taking all these risks for me is a debt I could never pay back. I often time wonder what things would have been like I stayed with you in disguise but, I know the risk of you and myself being exposed even more would do more harm for the both of us. With war continuing and you fighting for what is right has been the one thing that at least does get me through the days and nights.

As the days continue to pass, we could potentially enter another year of more innocent blood being spilt. I wonder daily when will this cruel war be over? My love on nights when the moon is full, I go down to the water edge and look up and pray for your safety. Just the thought and hope that the people that you are fighting alongside with continue to fight and bring this down this empire and restore peace to the world. I look forward to that day when it is announced that the war is over, and you will come back to me. I wonder if maybe someday this little shack in the woods will be our forever home or our little holiday house. My sweet Gabriel, I look forward to a future with you where the whole world will once again be at peace. Where we no longer must live in fear, with a fight everyday just to live. I cannot wait for that day when you will take me in your arms telling me its over at last.

But for now I will continue to live and survive within the trees till then. I love you today, tomorrow, and always my love.

Yours, Telja