Unchained Melodies

March 1,1965

My Dear,

The one, the rose, the prettiest in the garden

The one whose touch could cure the ache

whose lovely look could stop the bleeding

I've thought of you and only you since the moment I last heard your voice. It loops in my head somehow. Both the vision of you and the last conversation that we had. It circles around, so beautiful, as a record; playing out loud the melodies of the heart. I can always hear that sparkle in your voice, the sound that brings me back to reality.

Now I must confess, the reality is that I owe you. I owe you, at the very least an apology, and in some respects the truth. That might be odd, coming from me. I know you no longer trust or respect what I have to say. I know that you know, just how right you were. The kindness in your eyes, a shyness, you are as sweet as an Angel. You know that I respect you for the way you have handled everything with grace.

I should have stepped in. (At least sooner)

I should have talked with you.

Alone with you. (Please pardon my directness)

Yes, that has so much meaning. In truth, I couldn't be around you. Just the nearness somehow brought out my desires and my secrets. I wanted you. I wanted to be near you.

And then I wanted to run.

Quite the confession?

Maybe.

But, something tells me that you already knew. You knew, like all the other things you know and ignore. Why? But why love? Tell me why?

You are like a mystery that I cannot solve, yet you are the only thought that keeps me sane.

How'd you do it?

When your world fell apart...

In that moment...

The dark ones. And the horribly bright ones of illumination. How'd you keep yourself from going insane.

When you had so much to say, when you needed someone else to just hear it?

How'd you survie all of that pain?

So, Here my love, in my darkest hour. I think of you. And, I write to you. About you. And I dream, and I hope to dream, so that in my dreams, I can go to you.

I need to go to you.

With love and the desire to once again hear your beautiful voice,

The voice of an angel

My sweet angel, -X

***

March 8th, 1965

Dearest Sweetheart,

Lips like sugar, red as wine

scent as coffee, decadent

sweet, soft skin, so divine

I'm missing you, as you miss the sea. I, as you, share a love for the ocean. The water, the waves. The way the sunset looks as it is mirrored on the water below. The way it 'gets angry' when it storms. Things that you apprecite. Things that I see you see, in a new way, and somehow, you give it new meaning. In truth, if I were to see another day of freedom, I would take you there. Anywhere, really. Wherever you want to go.

I can imagine you dancing and singing as you run or walk along side the low tide. The sun beginning to set. Your hair long hair flowing freely down your back, under the delicate red bandana tied securly at the top of your head.

You're happy.

The glow of the last bits of sunlight on your cheekbones. A softness to your usual serious tone. The usual determined focus taking a backseat to the beauty all around. Your laugh, so infectious. So lovely, like music. You laugh and it is as if all the ocean calms, and glistens and giggles with you. It's beautiful, and more so; it's something you seldom show.

Lucky am I, to be someone who has first hand witnessed that gleam in your eye.

When I drift to sleep, I picture you. Sometimes with that same excitement. The same knowing in your eye.

I miss it.

The longing to once more, see you again.

All my love, -X

***

March 11th, 1965

Dearest sweet angel,

I hope to one day also share the poetry I have written for you and inspired by you. For now, I will tell you all the things I have been trying not to say. The things that I have been trying not to think, not to fathom, to make real in this world where I have created a space for you and I to reside. That place, that is only in my mind...

In that place you and I dance.

We talk, we touch. In that place you are real and you have somehow forgiven me enough to let me hold you. If only for that moment. I have watched how you have survived so much loss and grieved in silence. I long to hold you, not only to reassure myself that you are real, but to also comfort you and let you know, that in those moments; I would have held you.

I would have made everything okay.

But you know I was on the "wrong side" of that discussion, and no matter how much I desired to make things right in your world, to make them ok; you know I couldn't.

I can only imagine your fiery response to that statement.

Yes love, you are right, but even if I "could have" made that possible somehow, you wouldn't have believed me.

It wouldn't have mattered, and honestly, it wouldn't have changed a thing.

You know that right love? You know it wouldn't have changed a thing. For either of us.

This is where I deserve to be.

If not guilty of anything else, I am guilty of standing by as you were innocently "prosecuted", and for that I am sorry.

I am starting to realize I may have to carry my guilt to the grave. Especcially if I never get the chance to see your face once more.

Sending you all my love, -X

***

March 21, 1965

My sweet love,

Now as I write, I wonder, what will you think when you read my words, my thoughts, my carefully considered sentences.

I must write you the truth, but I must not let everyone know it.

They are reading my words to you now, before even I can "read" them to you. It is a "courtesy" they said, to let me contiune to write to you. For I am under direct supervision, for the crimes in which I am accused.

I have formulated a plan in my mind. A way to see you again. To speak to you. To tell you the truth. It may be awile before I write to you again.

Though you will not read these words, but all at once, just know that everyday I think of you.

You are never far from me, nor am I far from you:

My love, and all my love, -X

***

May 16th, 1965

My darling,

The Rolling Stones are playing here in California tonight. I wish we could walk down by the venue. I'd like to sit just outside the fence, alone with you, as if the concert were for you and I alone. Then we could talk as we go for a long walk on the beach after.

Many nights have passed, since I have last been a free man. Each day that passes, I feel further from you. The sound of your voice fading slightly each time I try to recall it.

The plan I had, the one I mentioned. I set it in motion.

I have be-friended a couple of the gurds here. I told one of them about you. It is he who has helped me make the arrangements.

I will give you details in my next letter.

I long to see your smile. To look into your eyes.

One step closer, my love.

-X

***

July 31, 1965

My darling, my sweetheart,

The one I wish to call my lover. Dream Lover. Like the song, I wish to be with you, so that I don't have to dream no more.

The truth is, I enjoy dreaming about you. I would, however, like to see you in person once more. I desire to hear your voice and see your face. The last image of you in that soft cotton dress.

I long to tell you the truth that you must know.

I have done all of this for you.

Upon spending several nights in this tiny cell, I have had an abundance of time to think. I know what 'sins' have landed me here. I have a deal to make. In my deal, I have found a way to make things right for you, even if not for me.

When you receive my letters along with other correspondance, I would ask that you, after some consideration, would agree to come see me.

I have arranged for a car and any other transport or accomadations that you may need.

The guard that I told you about, he has agreed to help me facilate a meeting with you. The visit itself, has been approved. The finer details are being sorted out.

I hope to see you, my love. I hope to tell you all that you need to know.

I heard a song the other night. It made me think of you. It was coming from the guards office. Playing softly but audibly, the slow melodic sounds drifting throughout the chambers.

"Lonely rivers flow,

To the sea, to the sea

To the open arms of the sea, yeah"

-The Righteous Brothers

I will be looking forward to word from you my sweetest love.

Till then, I will be dreaming of you and longing to sway with you by the sea.

All my love, -X