Pursuer

Dear Barnum,

It’s cold here in Delaware. What’s it like over there? I remember you saying it’s super humid and the place has bugs the size of TV clickers. I know you like the heat. How'd you like my last letter? I know you like that black lace that I made for you. I just do. I know you’re commanding a small platoon of mostly blacks. As a black first lieutenant, is it tough? Does it ever get better? I know I’m asking a lot. I just want to know how you’re feeling. What’s it like to be in that war path? There I go again. Let me tell you about life over here. Thank you for sending the money in our last correspondence for the rent and the utilities. This house creaks and yawns like an old man.

I think that we should move down South, do you? When you get home, and all. I think we should pack up and move to Atlanta. There’s more opportunities and you’ve always said you wanted to be somewhere hot! I know it must be like that where you are right now. I've tried to not listen to the news or TV. Sometimes I read the paper. They say this year was the most amount of the fallen so far. I want you to be safe in all of this. I want you to be careful in all of your actions.

There’s a gaping hole in my mind that you should be occupying right now. We should be playing Spades and drinking beers. You know Miss Gracie wishes you well. She’s been getting older and now I think she is just trying to stay strong through all of what has happened. And the newsmen call this a Cold War operation. It seems damn hot to me, both literally and figuratively. They keep writing about villages being burned and thousands of Vietnamese being relocated to camps across the world because their homes burned down. Some of them are in this country. It’s a shame. But don’t let me get your spirit low. I know this is for morale, even if you don’t like all that moto talk….

I bought a new car! Uncle Choppy co-signed it for me. Yes, it just came off the line. It's sharp and mean looking. I can’t wait for to drive it. You’ll be like Wendell Scott out here on these highways and byways. I can just picture it. I want the sound of the engine to stir up in your soul. I’ve found that I’ve been less than forthright about a few things. I hope that I can be completely clear, now. I wanted you to know that this has been just as trying on me as I know your position in the War has been as well.

I would like you to know I’ve been leaning towards restarting my career as a teacher. But like I said before, I’d love to talk to you about going southward and starting a new life. Fresh. New. All of that. You let your command know that this is your last deployment. Let them know that you’re going to be focused on yourself. I know they fill your head with thoughts about jumping on grenades and taking fire for your fellow man. Nevermind all of that. You safeguard your buddies and your subordinates and ensure their safety by protecting yourself. How can you save somebody else, if you’re not there to do it?

As a Leader of Marines, it must be arduous for you. I know this is difficult to even state, but you have to contend with the higher ups, as you’ve said before, who don’t take you seriously because of the color of your skin. If you look at the idea of the men who are fighting this war for the homeland, it’s appalling how they treat people with skin color like ours. Dr. King's legacy still resonates about the War. I just saw a clip of what he was trying to do to end the fighting. I didn’t agree with that Civil Rights Act, but I think that King’s stance against the War was resolute. Even though he was a mystic, I think his courage to speak out against what you’re experiencing right now is especially warranted and should be observed with solemnity.

My thoughts are with you but neither of us pray. My love for you is so profound and is an inferno in my soul. I want you to know that you are never going to be forgotten by your family or mine. The way that we can understand each other through these words is a balm to the weary spirit and a pursuer to our truths. I feel enlightened and powerful in typing this. I had to write it out in drafts by hand and I wept each time. Now, I’m clear-eyed and ready to breathe in the reality of you coming home soon. It’s November but it seems like winter has come early this year. I know you won’t be able to eat Thanksgiving with us again. Or Christmas and New Year’s Day. But I’m alright with that. It is well with my soul. I know for a fact I’m ready to see you again. I love you. I just can’t keep from saying it. You’ve made this woman of slight stature and dainty nature someone who can muster up enough courage to keep her wits about herself. You have the cool intrepidity that surpasses all ideas of cowardice and spite. That has inspired me.

It is in my estimation that you will complete your cycle and come home to me. Come home to me. I have to say that again, because I pine for your touch. I delight in the idea of you coming home in your Service Alphas and maybe with some railroad tracks on your shoulders and shirt. I love you so much. This War has been such a drain on this nation but it hits home when thousands of caskets across the land are lowered into the ground because of what? I know you don’t like to get political. Let me talk about how I plan to make my macaroni with five different cheeses on Turkey Thursday. I’m going to whip up some spiral honey ham. I know you’ll be over there in the muck and mire and mud caked on your boots. You’ll try to stomach whatever they’re feeding you. I understand. I just want you to savor my words and swallow their meaning. I just love you so much. I am sending a care package with more than just lace. You’ll be able to remember me and what I look like in a bathing suit. I know it’s autumn, but I took some tasteful shots of myself in hopes that you could still recall my figure. I was just in the garage laying across the new car. You’ll love them. I doubt that you will admire them as much as I love you.

I knew you wouldn’t want the springtime details so I just wanted you to be familiar with all of the negativity to balance out how great the future will shine.

P.S.

Consider this my way of being the first to tell you…Our time together right before you left must’ve meant something truly special. You’re going to have a Jr. or a princess on the way!

Love,

Helene