Oh Antony

Strong, noble, feared, respected. These are all the things that Antony once was. Now? Well, now he is nothing but a mere crust of bread. Pathetic. In all my years of serving him I never once thought I would say that. I used to think that to call Antony pathetic is like calling an elephant puny. But, as the thing that you are looking at changes so does your opinion about it. I have been with him through thick and thin and I will continue to do so. But, it gets harder every day. It is not his fault though. It is that witch of a queen. Antony is enchanted by her beauty and can not see through her manipulation. His desires get the best of him. It is all her fault. Cleopatra is the reason he is reduced to nothing but a crust of bread. She is an adulterous lion who preys on the feelings of the weak. She has been doing that since day one. Ever since the first day that Antony laid eyes on that enchantress.

The first day we saw her was when we were visiting Egypt. She knew that Antony and I were coming so she set up a plan to seduce Antony. She was sailing on the Cydnus River on an extraordinarily awful barge. The whole thing was made of gold, the sails were dyed purple, and the oars were spectacular silver. Cleopatra sat on the quarterdeck with a canopy of gold and purple shading her from the overwhelming sun. Purple and gold were the colors of Rome. She did this knowing that Antony would be naturally drawn to her with the colors of his empire draped above her. Attractive men were on each side of her fanning her with huge palm leaves and playing the flute. I could tell that those men made Antony jealous. He wished to be the one by her side. Cleopatra herself looked like a goddess. I would argue she looked even prettier than Venus herself. She was dressed in a long silk white and gold dress with gold bracelets up her arm and on her ankles. She wore a golden headpiece that shined like the evening sun. There was no doubt in my mind that Cleopatra planned that.

As soon as she disembarked from the barge Antony ran to her like a child to his mother. She smelled of hyacinth and jasmine and her face was even more beautiful up close. At least one of her two faces was pretty. Antony invited her to dinner but she insisted we come to the palace to dine with her. Yet another part of her master plan. Get Antony to come to see her luxurious palace and eat a feast worthy of kings. They do say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Although, that night his eyes were feasting more than he was. And because of the feast his eyes devoured, he paid with his precious heart. I’ll never forget the first time we met her. But I’ll keep trying.

Antony was in Egypt for a long time after that. He disregarded his duties and instead played that sorceress’s game that he called love. I tried to guide him onto the right path but alas my efforts were in vain. Antony is too stubborn and loves Cleopatra too much. If only he could see through her as I can. Then while Antony was still in Egypt his wife Fulvia died. Antony didn’t even get to hear her final words. Finally, he left Egypt and went back to Rome. Well, only for a short while but he still did.

While in Rome Antony did something very unexpected. He married Caesar's sister Octavia! Now I know he did this for political reasons but the fact that he still did it quite surprised me. He is so obsessed with Cleopatra that I couldn't ever picture him wanting to marry another woman. But if we are being honest I was hoping that while married to Octavia he would stop his torrid affair with that tyrant. But it seems he doesn’t have enough(if any) love for Octavia.

Then Antony came back from Rome and everything seemed to be going smoothly until the war against Pompey came. Pompey had many ships and a lot of experience with naval war while Antony had not. Antony would have been much better off fighting on land with his thousands of trained troops than risking the whole war by fighting at sea. But no. Cleopatra insisted Antony use her ships for war and of course he listened to her instead of the man who has been fighting by his side since he knew what war was(AKA Enobarbus)(AKA me)! When it comes to Cleopatra he doesn’t make the best decisions. Now, I’m not saying he is stupid I’m simply saying that Cleopatra is a bad luck charm that causes him to have misfortune when he’s thinking. So we went to war at sea and not even halfway through Cleopatra retreated and of course Antony followed after her like a duckling after its mother. I saw this coming from a mile away. Cleopatra is just a beautiful coward. She’s nothing more than a pretty face. She is a little girl wearing a crown. And you should never bring a little girl to war.

Then, of course, they fought. Antony was mad at her for retreating and he claimed that she had planned this knowing that he would follow her. Did she really plan to retreat? That my dear friend I can not tell you. Then they insulted each other for a while and then they kissed and suddenly everything was better. Honestly, I really do not get romance. Or whatever the heck you want to call it. Then Antony went back and forth between Rome and Egypt for a little while and they kept getting in fights and then making up. At one point Antony was bold enough to say that Cleopatra was nothing more than a leftover crust on Ceasar’s plate. So I guess they are both nothing more than a mere piece of crust. Anyway, to be honest I don’t remember half of what they fought about. I was just always watching from a corner thinking “Does Cleopatra drama have an intermission because I could really use a break.” At one point I was so fed up with everything that I was very close to finding a nice ditch to go die in. But Alas, I am too good of a person to just abandon Antony like that. Curse loyalty.

And now here we are. I have summarized my story all the way up to the present. I am now on Ceasars side. I saw that if I continued to follow Antony it would lead to not only his demise but mine as well. I betray Antony. I’m sorry but Antony has gone too far. I tried to stay loyal until the end but I just can’t. I can’t stand with him and watch him fall. I just can’t. But, because I can’t stay loyal to him, I must end it for myself. So I guess no matter what side I’m on it still ends in my demise. But I rather die out of guilt for betraying Antony than watch Antony sink in a sufferable sea of his own fault and desire. All I ask of my last request is that you remember this. Rember the story of Antony and Cleopatra and their terrible toxic love. Remember this and remind yourself not to go down that path. And let history record me as a traitor of the once most noble Antony. But, know that I truly am sorry. So good-bye dear friends, good-bye and good riddance Cleopatra, and goodbye Antony. Oh, Antony.