How a $20 Object Saved Me from Myself

There was a time when I didn’t think I would make it through the day. I felt lost in a storm of anxiety and self-doubt so overwhelming that every breath felt heavy and every second was a battle. Life had stripped away the parts of me I used to love—the confidence, the joy, the hope. I was trapped in my own mind, spiraling downward with nowhere to turn.

I won’t lie — I was close to giving up.

I can pinpoint the moment I began to change. It wasn’t a big epiphany or a sudden miracle. It was a $20 object.

The Darkest Days

It all started when my mental health hit rock bottom. I was overwhelmed by stress at work, drowning in debt, and feeling utterly alone. I couldn’t sleep. I stopped answering calls. I withdrew from everyone who cared. I spent nights scrolling through my phone, numbing myself with distractions, and mornings waking up with a pit in my stomach.

My therapist told me to find something that would ground me, a small routine or habit to reclaim some control. But I didn’t know where to start. I was so deep in the haze of hopelessness that even the idea of “small steps” felt impossible.

One day, wandering aimlessly in a thrift store, I stumbled upon a small notebook — nothing fancy, just a plain leather-bound journal with a price tag of $20. On impulse, I bought it. It was cheap enough not to matter, but something about holding that book felt... comforting.

The Journal That Changed Everything

At first, the notebook sat untouched on my nightstand. But one evening, restless and desperate for something different, I opened it. I wrote my first line without thinking:

“I don’t know what to do, but I’m still here.”

That small admission broke a barrier I didn’t realize I had. Suddenly, the journal wasn’t just a book — it was a place where I could pour out everything I felt without judgment.

Every night after that, I wrote. Some days, it was just a sentence or two. Other days, pages spilled out like a flood. I wrote about my fears, my anger, my regrets. I wrote about memories that haunted me and dreams I thought were dead. And slowly, that act of writing brought me back to myself.

It was like I was peeling back layers of pain and rediscovering a voice I’d forgotten I had.

Why a $20 Object?

You might wonder—why did a simple notebook, something so ordinary and inexpensive, have such power? For me, it wasn’t the object itself. It was what it represented: a safe space, a fresh start, and most importantly, a choice.

By spending those twenty dollars, I made a small but significant investment in myself. I told myself that I mattered enough to write my story, to confront my demons, and to heal. The notebook became a symbol of hope and commitment — a daily reminder that I was worth fighting for.

Small Steps Lead to Big Changes

Writing didn’t fix everything overnight. Some days were harder than others. Sometimes I’d stare at the blank page, feeling stuck. But gradually, the practice of putting my feelings into words gave me clarity and perspective. I could see my pain from a distance and understand it instead of being consumed by it.

I also started noticing small improvements in my life. The panic attacks lessened. I began reaching out to friends again. I even started going for walks outside, something I hadn’t done in months. Each tiny step was a victory, a proof point that I could reclaim control.

Sharing My Story

Months later, I shared excerpts from my journal with a close friend. To my surprise, she opened up about her own struggles. That moment was pivotal — it taught me that I wasn’t alone and that vulnerability creates connection.

Eventually, I began writing publicly — blogs, social posts, even articles about mental health. I wanted others to know that healing often begins with the smallest things. Sometimes, a simple act like buying a $20 notebook and writing in it can be the lifeline that saves you.

What I’ve Learned

Looking back, I realize that the notebook didn’t magically solve my problems, but it gave me the tools to face them. It was a mirror that reflected my pain and a map that guided me toward hope.

If you’re struggling, please know this: You don’t have to fix everything at once. Healing is messy, nonlinear, and deeply personal. But sometimes, all it takes is one small object, one tiny action, to start the journey back to yourself.

For me, that $20 notebook was more than paper and leather — it was my anchor in a storm, my reminder that I mattered, and ultimately, the thing that saved me from myself.

If you’re reading this and feeling lost, I encourage you to find your own $20 object. It could be a journal, a book, a piece of art, or even a simple habit like making tea every evening. Whatever it is, let it be your first step toward hope.

Because sometimes, saving your life begins with something small.