Cowgirl Spurs

To: Garvin Saturn- <[email protected]>

CC/BCC From: Maddy Saturn- @[email protected]>

Subject: It happened to me

My Dearest G-Man,

Within the swirls of dust devils and infestations of solifugae or camel spiders; with all the roadside bombs and mortar attacks; I am still overseeing fifteen thousand hard charging Marines with aplomb. It is because of you that I am so grounded and celebratory when I tell you that I just made major general. As a woman, this feels justified. I, yet, still harbor reservations. That’s why I need you to respond to this missive. It’s been months since I’ve seen you. How are Amerie and Saffir? I know they’re in college but they haven’t responded to any of my texts. I go on the socials and try talking to them there, but all I get are automated replies. How’s Volley? Is he still catching the ball with his eyes closed? I know you’re feeding and walking him. I have no doubt.

I’ve seen reports of your business taking off every chance I get. You’re making Delaware proud. I hope you are prideful. I know I am. It’s not a burden but a great honor to know that my warriors are doing the work of greatness. Every day, those that go outside of the wire, must face the shattered glass and the globs of garbage that litter the streets. They don’t know what they’ll see, hear, touch, taste, or smell once that humvee has crossed the line. I get to sit in my cushy chair. I’ve earned it, but the sense that I should be on those missions creeps into my soul like a spectre. Some of the Marines have a nickname for me: White Phantom. I think it’s because I can just disappear and then jump up out of nowhere and see what they’re up to at any moment.

I don’t know. I kind of like it. I’m so glad your business is taking off. Staying in the defense sector was always a great look for you. Even as a CEO, I know it’s tough as a black man to move throughout that world. I’m in the throes of being a commanding officer and some still don’t respect me. That’s alright, though. Our love, our bond fends off any sense of slights because of attributes we were born with into this world.

I am just waiting for you. I can’t wait much longer. I desire your intellect in front of me. I want you to be here with me to understand the pressures of this life and death game of actual Risk. Or is it chess? I remember those Marine commercials with the knight going across the board. It may’ve been cheesy, but I think a few Devils signed up following those ads. I’d sign up to be with you. There’s only five months, three days, six hours and a wake up before I will be through with this mission. Then, I will be in your arms. I cannot wait to be back with you and the kids. And Volley! I hope they’re doing well in their respective classes. I want them to make up their own minds. Maybe they’ll be executives like their dad. Or be like their mommy and take the warrior’s route. Whatever the case, I wish them well. I want you. I want us to go to Hawaii again. This time, I won’t be in uniform and have to do work. I’m retiring after this. No more PFT or rifle and pistol ranges for me. I’m hanging up my cowgirl spurs.

Your very essence is what drives me. I know it’s been so long but you linger like a fresh scent of cologne. I can just ingest you with my mind. The thought of you supporting me gives me the most power I’ve had yet. You bring it to the fore that I should be more conscious with my money. I was always good at math but dollars and cents, I just struggle with it sometimes. I mean, I get trig and calculus but balancing a checkbook? That’s your expertise. You’re great at it. I miss you doing my taxes! I have a system now, don’t fret. But that still doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. That still doesn’t mean I don’t want to fall on your neck and kiss you. This desert heat has gotten to a point of boiling my nerves. I’m sometimes anxious but I must maintain my bearing and answer the myriad questions posed to me at any moment of the day.

My lieutenant colonels and colonels support me the best. My enlisted guys and gals do, as well. I meant to tell you Juan just picked up Sergeant Major. I remember barbequing with him. Do you remember? I’m so proud of that warfighter. His wife sent him the most beautiful arrangement once he got promoted. I know you knew about my promotion and that you wanted to send me a package of all my favorite things but it got lost in the mail system. I’m not miffed. I know you still love me and I have a burning, a yearning for your laugh, your smile, your hand on my waist as we slow dance to Usher. I miss that, too. This war will be over in a few months and we are still trying to sort out just what the hell we came over here for in the first place. People say for the oil. The Iraqis will most likely take back the oil fields. Some say it was to bring democracy to the region. Really? Thousands of American kids had to die just so non-Americans could dye their fingers purple? It disheartens me to no end. Every loss is like the stars on my shoulders. Like I said, It’s not a burden much like pressure isn’t pain. But it is painful to watch as a Marine kneels at a battle cross and grieves over their best friend. It takes a toll. I immediately think of their parents, girlfriend, or boyfriend back home. Back where you are. I want to be where you are. There’s probably going to be sand in my gear once I land back home. I’ve been wearing cammies for the past few weeks and while I love them, I would much rather go to work in an actual blouse rather than a cammy one. Time off isn’t so bad. I’ve hung around with my brigadier general, Karessa. She’s cool. She actually reminds me of you in a lot of ways. Your temper never rises but your command is firm and exacting. That’s her, too. I can see us all talking about this with a more temperate climate far away from this place.

How I long for you. In the notion that I can still pinpoint your every move, I bet you’re meditating right now. That’s good. I respect the thought patterns of a man who is truly centered in himself. You are a man who is worthy of worship. You have made me the best possible wife. There is nothing I am afraid of because of you. I can get in a convoy and know I’m safe because of the wisdom and knowledge you’ve instilled in me. I hope you can recall my promotion to brigadier general. You had the kids set up a reenactment of my favorite film, A Few Good Men. That’s why I love you. You told me not to read your last text. Well, I read it and thank you for booking a cruise to go to the Big Island for picking up MG! Jesus, Garvin, you know how to make a Leatherneck happy! I can’t wait to get back to you to enjoy our time together….I adore you.

Whole Lotta Love,

Maddy

On July 15, 2011 @ 15:41