What If...? Season 3

The first few episodes of What If…? Season 3 were absolutely better than the entirety of the first two seasons. We at the very least were able to focus on different characters which is literally the point of the show. We needed some fresh ideas and if nothing else we got that this season. All that said, I need us to have more episodes a season. This is exactly the kind of show that is designed to have 18+ episodes a season, only 8 episodes for something like this is straight up lazy, especially from somewhere like Disney who has more than enough money to produce more episodes.

We are starting with What If Howard the Duck Got Hitched. This is exactly what What If…? Is for. My husband said “no it's not this what AO3 is for”...he is not wrong. There was certainly something going on in the writers' room when this was pitched. With that said this episode is very much written like someone’s fan fiction. Fury, Game maker, Dormammu, and an interspecies romance….a 14 year old Marvel obsessed girl wrote this. Then Loki (in frost giant form) shows up? Bro…this is just fanfiction in its purest form. I have a problem with the title…the entire story centers around their baby, not their marriage. Super weird episode, but I don’t mind the fanfiction vibes so 6/10.

What If The Emergence Destroyed The Earth? Well…yeah. That’s like exactly what would happen. Again, these are less interesting when it's not really a stretch of the imagination. If it's a situation that’s entirely realistic to the main continuity and would totally happen you are in fact defeating the whole purpose of this show. This episode is at least centered around characters we don’t see all the time, at least mostly. We get to see Riri Williams which I love, so they get a slight pass for that. This one at least makes sense in the context of What If…? As far as the characters assembled goes. Bringing in White Vision was an interesting choice that I don’t entirely hate. This is more like What If Riri Williams Became Vision? But sure. Direct me to whomever is titling these because they are doing it wrong. It was fine, 6/10.

What If 1872? I do love that that title is not a complete sentence. I hate John Walker with my whole heart so 10 points off for that, but I love Kate Bishop so you get 8 points back. The inclusion of Shang-Chi feels delightfully random in the sense that this is EXACTLY what What If…? Is supposed to be. I am loving the wild west setting. I think it's perfect. I wish there was more Kate Bishop and less Shang-Chi but that’s just personal preference, and also the correct opinion but whatever. I loved the concept and the characters, just didn’t like that it didn’t center my Kate Bishop. 7/10.

What If The Watcher Disappeared? Well then we would all get some fucking peace. I truly can not stand the narration. I have decided that I am over it. At first I didn’t hate the device as a concept but they overuse it and don’t seem to know how to enhance the story with it so we are just gonna go with I hate it. And we couldn’t get through a season without Captain Fucking Carter. All points off for her inclusion 0/10.

What If What If? Is inherently a dumbass concept. This is so so stupid. Wow we really went off the rails here at the end of the season. Annnnnnd Captain Carter. We know what that means 0/10. And also fuck you Marvel.

I want to put all of my comic books in a bag (somewhere around 300) and then I want to beat Kevin Fiege with the bag. And I would but I would never do anything to damage my comic books. This series has been such a waste. This show is literally a license to do ANYTHING with ANY character. The writers could have literally done anything they ever wanted to do with any Marvel character and they just didn't…Why is Captain Carter in so many episodes? There is no way that she is anyone's favorite, and if she is your favorite then you have no place being in a writers room. She has become the face of What If...? and it is making me violent.