We Kill Them All

When people say that movies suck now I assume that they are airheaded morons who only watch blockbusters and then are disappointed they didn’t see anything new or inventive. The other option is that they are those people who have unreasonable expectations and get angry at horror movies for being scary. That said, if you would like to be guided towards good and even spectacular films you need to start digging into some of the things being released on streaming services. Just go ahead and scroll through the new releases section of whatever services you have and I guarantee you find something you love. Foe was possibly the best film released last year and it was very quietly released on Prime Video and never talked about again. That said, one of this year's quiet releases was We Kill Them All. Also released on Prime Video the film clocks in at a tight hour and a half like I love and it is also written by a woman, so we know it gets some extra points.

Well we start with a lesbian couple (love it), a sick old man and a car full of criminals. What a way to start a movie. This car full of men seem to have a very violent vendetta against this weak ass old man. This isn’t going to be a difficult fight. This guy is going to die so fast.

Well we are setting up the fact that his daughter is going to probably discover his dead body. He hid a note in a stack of wood with a wood carving of a bird, and now she is telling her girlfriend about how he got her a wood carving knife and they carved birds together. A little heavy handed on the exposition, I kind of assumed the note and bird were a clue for his daughter the moment he hid it. Let the audience fill in blanks guys, it's okay. The general public might be stupid, but if they miss something that’s their fault.

Okay so this chick goes back in for her woodcarving knife, and her girlfriend gives her a phone tracker. She also comes back in for anxiety meds because the filmmakers really want us to know that this girl has all the tools she needs to take out a group of hitmen.

The girls arrive as the hitmen are raiding the property for money. Apparently he has cash stashed somewhere.

There is some vague tense music, ya know ominous strings. And the title of the film kind of gives away the plot. But these men suck so I really can’t wait to watch these women kick their asses. I hope they do in fact all die.

They are now being chased through the woods at night, the leader of this leader crew is occupied by this insurance agent or whatever that came to check out the property and they only managed to wound one of these dudes. So now so much violence is happening as if this agent didn’t already say that more people would be coming out tomorrow. So they are already on a time clock for wrapping their little crime spree up.

90% of this movie is hide and seek. First with the father and then with the girls. Not necessarily a bad thing, but they did pace it pretty well. And that is definitely why the film is only an hour and a half because you definitely can’t drag this on for very long. I do wish we dug a little farther into the father’s past crimes; it would make the story a little more compelling.

Then there is the scenes where this group of men clearly want to try and fuck these girls straight, like we already knew they were scumballs I don’t really think that was necessary. I get that it's supposed to make them irredeemable but I think that was done pretty clearly already. The straight up attempted sexual assault was also not necessary, I truly hate it as a plot point. There is literally never a reason for it. Just to be clear, just because it was written by a woman does not make it okay. If you are sexually assaulting your characters you are a bad writer, period, end of discussion, no nuance.

Even at an hour and a half runtime, the back half of the film drags a little bit. Only the leader of this little gang is left and it's morning and still the same thing is going on. He’s looking for the money and using her to try and find it. It’s quite repetitive.

The girls survive obviously, and they find the money. Overall it was fine, it wasn’t brilliant and I think that it had more potential and the execution was just a little lacking. I think they should have leaned more into this estranged daughter finding out her father’s secrets as this night went on but they made it a pretty simple chase film. 5/10 feels generous.