Simpsons Review: "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Amazing, isn't it? 35 years. That's a long time in anything. Funny, this whole thing started as just a few minutes at a time on a sketch comedy show. Now? It's the measuring stick. It's been the measuring stick for many years. Primetime animation may have started with William Hanna and Joseph Barbera over six decades ago, and while they set that bar, Matt Groening raised it exponentially. Over 700 episodes have aired, and it all officially began with a simple Christmas celebration.

So the episode starts innocently enough, Marge and Homer Simpson attending their kids' holiday recital. They go by grades, meaning Lisa was the first of their offspring to perform, as she was part of the "Santas of Many Land" performance. After the third grade performed, the fourth grade was next, and that meant Bart Simpson. The class gave a performance of Jingle Bells. However, Bart, in typical fashion, went rogue with the raunchy version: "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg," etc, etc. Hey, Robert Goulet not only liked it, he sang it four years later on the show.

So back at the house, Marge writes a letter about the family, which includes the mention of Snowball I, who was run over by the mayor's drunken brother, Clovis (that detail gets revealed later in the series), but she was replaced with Snowball II. Bart and Lisa get their lists ready; Lisa wants a pony, something she's wanted for three years, while Bart wants something even wilder: a tattoo. Meanwhile, Homer's attempt to get the Christmas lights up falls flat, only about six of them light up, and he's easily outshined by Ned Flanders.

The next day, it's Christmas shopping time while Homer's at work. Homer's counting on his Christmas bonus, but there's some bad news, no bonus this year. Even so, he figures Marge had more than enough money to get gifts. One problem: Bart decided to try to get inked, opting to get a heart tattoo with the word "Mother" on it. Marge catches Bart and takes him out of that shop to get it removed, which it does, but it takes all of that money from that jar. Homer finds out about what happened and panics over the money being spent, and when Marge mentions the Christmas bonus, Homer panics some more.

In typical Homeboy fashion, Homer doesn't tell the truth about not getting the bonus, as he didn't want to let down his family. As he's about to come clean, Homer tells Marge that he wants to do the Christmas shopping, so he does... at a very cheap price. Among the "gifts" was a chew toy for dogs that he intended for Maggie ("It says it's for dogs, but she can't read"). Homer bumps into Flanders, which causes more embarrassment, as Flanders had quite the haul for Christmas. And you know, that led me to really think back about the earliest episodes of the show and come to this conclusion that I think a vast majority of Simpsons fans may agree with: Ned Flanders was quite an ass in the early episodes. Hell, to be honest, he still kinda is if you think about it, just not as much as the first few seasons.

Later on, a glum Homer is at Moe's Tavern, and is encountered by Barney Gumble, who reveals that he got a gig as a mall Santa. Homer decides to take that job out of desperation, and later returns home to see that Marge's sisters, Patty and Selma, have visited. Homer "greets" his SILs before going back out to get a tree, managing to nab one from a farm. Christmas Eve arrives, and Homer's at his job, while he is watched by Bart and Milhouse, who mock the "quote, unquote Santa." Bart's dared to pull Santa's beard, and sure enough, Bart appears and sits on Santa's lap and pulls the beard, and is shocked to see that it's Homer. Homer privately reveals to Bart that he took the gig because he didn't get his bonus. Bart's response: "You must really love us to sink so low."

The day's done and Homer gets his big payday, which he is shocked to see isn't so big. Thirteen dollars. It's that low because a lot of fees were taken out. Yikes. So yeah, Homer basically got jack and squat for the gig, and after Barney gets the same check, he celebrates and informs Homer that he's headed to the dog track and place a bet. Bart urges Homer to do the same, adding that it could lead to a big Christmas. All the while, the rest of the family is at the house watching The Happy Little Elves, and Lisa takes note of Patty bashing Homer, prompting the precocious eight-year-old to deliver this response:

"Well, I wish you wouldn't, because aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have. Therefore, he is my model of manhood, and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me, and I’m far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts."

As for the track, Barney places his bet on Whirlwind, who is a favorite in the race, but just as Homer's about to do so, he hears that #8, Sir Galahad, has been scratched and replaced by a dog named Santa's Little Helper. Seeing this as a sign, Homer places all $13 on SLH, despite Bart's objections. Sure enough, unlike Cale Makar, SLH is not a Great Eight. Whirlwind wins, and Santa's Little Helper doesn't even finish. Homer and Bart leave disappointed, but not alone, as the ejected Santa's Little Helper runs up to Homer and paws all over him. Bart wants to keep him, but after some objections, Homer agrees.

Bart and Homer return home, and the latter starts to confess that he didn't get his bonus, but before he could finish his story, Bart reveals their newest member of the family. Homer receives massive praise for bringing in Santa's Little Helper, and he is elated that he gave his family a wonderful Christmas after all. As the closing credits are displayed, the family sings Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, with Bart and (at times) Lisa injecting their own humorous lyrics.

As I stated before, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire," the very, very first episode of The Simpsons, aired on this day 35 years ago: December 17, 1989. The very first of (as of this story) 777 episodes of the long running show, which is now in its 36th season. What a start it was; this episode remains one of the most memorable ones from this iconic series, but here's a crazy fun fact: it wasn't supposed to be the first episode. "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" was produced as the show's eighth episode. The originally planned premiere episode was going to be "Some Enchanted Evening," which ended up being pushed all the way back to being the first season finale.

It would be six years to the exact day before we would see another Christmas episode of The Simpsons, with Season Seven's "Marge Be Not Proud," airing on December 17, 1995. It's amazing. The show was basically an experiment from their Tracey Ullman Show debut in 1987 until around 1991 or 1992, when they officially "arrived," if you will. Sadly, there's still people saying, "It's not as good as it used to be," and I again say, "If that's the case, then why is it still on?" Here's why: The Simpsons is an iconic classic, and deserves to be cemented on a pedestal for many, many years to come.

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