RANT: The World of 'Bright' Deserved More.

The creation of Bright, released on Netflix in 2017, was promising. Touted as a progressive urban fantasy, the sweeping visuals of a city filled with fantasy creations intermixing with human characters was exciting to say the least. I’d been consuming urban fantasy books since adolescence and the anticipation of my favorite genre coming to the screen was unparalleled. I hoped it would mark an era of urban fantasy movies, especially since there were already whispers of a sequel. The first day it was available for streaming, I plopped down in front of my iPad and got ready with a bag of popcorn.

Here's the thing about Bright--it’s an incredible world trapped in one of the most boring stories to exist on Netflix. The opening scene sets us in a city where Orcs, Elves, and Humans coexist, and apparently have since the beginning of time. There’s a lovely sequence of events that portrays a gritty industrial world touched by fantastical influences. From there, the disappointment hit hard and heavy, an increasing side-eye as the movie rolled out uncomfortably transparent yet surface level racial metaphors, cliche plot lines, and an ending twist that is both predictable and annoying. I watched an intriguing world devolve under the incapability of whoever wrote this hot mess of script.

There was one character who held promise that I was waiting to swoop in and save the movie. Apparently his name is Kandomere but I had to look that up and for here on out he will be called FBI Elf Man. He pops up at some point as the gritty but well dressed FBI agent that apparently deals specifically with magic shit. He looks like he got a burnt coffee from the food cart by his office and is filled with both regret and the knowledge he will do it again tomorrow because it’s convenient. He’s tired of humans fucking shit up as usual and is one bad call away from packing it up and running into the forest to get in touch with his inner Legolas. This elf has seen some shit. He’s in the movie for about ten minutes total (if I’m being generous).

While I’m waiting for FBI Elf Man to rescue this chaotic trash fire of a movie, the three main characters run around interacting with people and places that are way more interesting than the actual plot. The more I learn about Tikka, the mute elf who kick starts this fiasco, the more I wanted to know about her defecting from the elf death cult she’s in and betraying her sister. Especially when said sister pops up looking like an absolute bad bitch with an interesting story. But no, we get the lukewarm overdone hero's journey with people who have no idea what's going on. But why is there a cult dedicated to raising a dark lord? Why did Tikka decide to leave? Why does FBI Elf Man and Baddie Sis have history and what is that history? I would absolutely sit through a DeathNote-esque cat and mouse chase between those two.

It was immensely disappointing that this promising urban fantasy setting got trashed due to (rightful) criticisms of the plot that revealed said world. I hear rumors there might be a sequel, and an anime adaptation is in the works. Frankly, unless it's FBI Elf Man and his adventures in “magical magic stuff” sector of the bureau I'm not interested.

Confession: I haven’t seen this movie since 2017 and couldn’t stomach a rewatch, preferring a glance over of it’s wikipedia page and other reviews from critics. Some details may be fuzzy or incorrect. I will not apologize and am still mad that FBI Elf Man did not get his own spin off.