Pulp Surgery

(previously published in KSquare)

CAST

“Doctor” Jules Winnfield (Samuel L. Jackson), former hit man and enforcer for Marsellus Wallace, now surgeon for the Marsellus Wallace Surgical Center

Captain Koons (Christopher Walken), a Viet Nam veteran and patient of Dr. Winnfield, coming in for a colonoscopy

“Doctor” Lance (Eric Stoltz), former drug dealer and associate of Vincent Vega, now anesthesiologist for the Marsellus Wallace Surgical Center

Nurse Jody (Rosanna Arquette), staff member at the Marsellus Wallace Surgical Center and wife to “Doctor” Lance. She remains a tattoo and piercing enthusiast.

“Doctor” Winston Wolfe a.k.a. “The Wolf” (Harvey Keitel), chief of surgery at the Marsellus Wallace Surgical Center

Butch Coolidge (Bruce Willis), an aging boxer looking for one last win before he retires. He previously ran afoul of Marsellus Wallace and killed Vincent Vega

Vincent Vega (John Travolta), hit man and enforcer for Marsellus Wallace until he was killed by Butch Coolidge

Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman), wife of Marsellus Wallace, cocaine user. One time associate of Vincent Vega, she overdosed on heroin but was saved through the efforts of Vega and Lance. Since the original film, she overdosed again, with fatal results.

Marsellus Wallace (Ving Rhames), crime lord and owner/founder of the Marsellus Wallace Surgical Center.

As in the original, the film is a series of related short stories, presented out of chronological order, with each story having its own subtitle. The stories are excerpted here in the order they would be presented in the film.

(Titles in bold) “The Procedure”

Fade in on exam room. CAPTAIN KOONS is in a paper gown, lying on his side on the exam table. NURSE JODY and “DR.” LANCE are in the room. “Dr.” Lance is checking an IV running into Koons’ arm. The door opens and “DR.” JULES enters, wearing a black suit and tie.

Jules: Well hello Mr. Koons! How are you today?

Koons: (weakly, dreamily) Captain…it’s Captain Koons…

Jules: That’s right, Captain. You’re our war hero. Pardon me, sir. (aside to Jody) Nurse Jody could you help me get my scrub smock on?

Jody: Of course. (She opens a cabinet. Jules starts tying a surgical mask on.) Which one is it?

Jules: Right hand side. It’s the one that says “Bad Motherfucker” on it.

Jody brings the smock and ties it behind Jules. Stenciled on the front right it reads “Bad Motherfucker”.

Thank you. (He walks behind the exam table, next to Dr. Lance) Dr. Lance, are we ready to go?

Lance: We did a push of the Mad Man in his saline about 3 minutes ago. Captain Koons should be in a happy but responsive nod right about now.

Jules: (satisfied) Happy but responsive. Is that how you’re feelin’ Captain?

Koons: ‘m comfy. Like a big satin marshmallow.

Jules: All right, we cool. That’s what we want to hear. (Jules tugs his surgical mask into place with a flourish.) Okay, Captain you’re going to feel something cold. It’s just a little KY jelly. You’ll be glad to have it. (pause) There you go. Time for the one-eyed Wonder Worm.

He reaches down.

Koons: (eyes snap open) What?

Jules stands and thrusts forward

Jules: And we’re in. Nurse Jody, could you bring over the monitor so I could see what I’m doing?

Jody wheels a monitor over to Jules, who continues to stand. She connects a cable to the base of the endoscope, located on the floor next to Jules

Thank you. (he flips a switch) Ha Ha! That’s cooler than cool. What’s cooler than cool, Dr. Lance?

Lance: Kool and the Gang.

Jules: That’s right! Kool and the Gang. Okay Nurse Jody, start cranking out pipe, we’re going deep! (Jody starts turning a crank on the endoscope. Jules watches the screen a moment, then…)

Whoa! Hold up! (He looks at the screen)

Lesions! Infected lesions and they’re old. Mr. Koons!

Koons: Captain…

Jules: Captain Koons! What did you have up in there? Is this some kind of alternative lifestyle shit? That’s your business if it is, but as your physician I have to determine what was ripping up your colon, and either you were eating something that ripped you up on the way out, or you were putting something up in…

Koons: Watch.

Jules: What?

Koons: (struggling to speak, concentrating) It was a watch. I had a watch up my ass. In Viet Nam. Goddamned heavy chunk of metal. It hurt.

Jules: What…why…all right, fine. We know where the lesions came from, let’s… wait, there’s some fresh ones. Let’s go in and…damn! Captain, have you been looking for your West Point ring?

Koons: Yeah…

There’s the sound of a small piece of metal hitting the floor

Jules: Found it!

Koons: Oh, it’s been missing for 30 years.

Jules: (shakes head) Okay Jody, crank me out some Wonder Worm. Doctor Lance, can you turn up the brightness on the scope?

Lance makes an adjustment on the monitor.

Oh yeah! I have seen the light! Ha ha! Dr. Lance, if you had told me 5 years ago that I’d be making as much money sticking a tube up somebody’s ass as I did collecting money, I’d say you were crazy.

Lance: Don’t I know it.

Jules: And if you were to tell me I’d still be doing it for Marsellus Wallace, I’d say you were crazy AND a damned liar. But here I am, sliding this tube up a…hold up!

Jody stops cranking

Jody: What?

Jules: You see that?

Lance leans in and looks at the screen

Lance: What?

Jules points at the screen

Jules: Polyps! Dozens of ‘em! It’s a war zone up in there!

(Jules straightens, raises an eyebrow, points at the screen, and recites in a commanding voice)

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is THE LORD when I lay my vengeance upon thee!

With the last word, Jules thrusts the endoscope forward, attacking the polyps. Koons jerks on the table and cries out as the head of the endoscope rips out through his navel in a spray of blood and tissue. Koons writhes in pain.

Jody: (screams)

Lance: Shit!

Jules: Motherf…Lance! Give him more of the Mad Man! We’ve got to knock his ass out!

Lance loads a fresh syringe of amber liquid and injects it in Koons’ IV line. Koons instantly relaxes.

Jody: (leaning forward) I don’t think he’s breathing.

Jules: You don’t think? You’re the nurse, check!

Jody puts her hand on Koons’ neck

Jody: No breathing or pulse!

Jules: Dammit! I told you to sedate him, not kill him! Fix him up!

Lance: This is not my problem.

Jules: You’re goddamned right it’s your problem! It’s your dope, you gave it to the man, now you fix him!

Lance hands Jules a syringe

Lance: This is pure adrenaline. You’re the doctor. Plunge this in his chest, right in the heart, give him the whole thing, it’s his only chance.

Jules rushes out next to Koons and slams the syringe into his chest. Koons’ body bounces from the impact and is still.

Jules: Well, shit.

Cue opening music and titles.

(Titles in bold) “The Choice”

Titles fade, leaving a black screen. Fade in the radio-style audio of a boxing match with the sounds of heavy blows and the roar of the crowd.

ANNOUNCER: A furious combination from Coolidge has Villanova reeling. Coolidge jabs with the left. Right uppercut glances Villanova. Another jab with the left as Coolidge tries to box Villanova into the corner. Ow! Solid right to the body, a jab with the left, an upper cut to the body. Wow! Villanova ducks the left from Coolidge and comes back with a straight right to the head and Coolidge is down for the first time. He’s not moving and the referee goes in for the count.

Fade in on BUTCH, dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and a windbreaker. He walks into a retro-50s style nightclub similar to “Jackrabbit Slims.” Butch has a bandaged cut above his left eye and seems a bit confused, but otherwise fine. The HOST, clad in a grey suit and resembling Ed Sullivan, greets Butch as he comes in.

Host: Mr. Coolidge, good evening. Welcome to the Limbo Club.

Butch: You know me?

Host: Of course, you’re a well-known boxer. Really big. Come in, we’ve been expecting you. Would you like a table or a booth?

Butch: (still confused) Booth.

Host: I’ll get you one near the floor so you can see the dance contest. It’s really big, really big.

Butch sits and looks at Host.

Butch: Y’know pal, you kind of look like him, and you even sound like him a little. But you do too much of the…

Host: Who?

Butch: Ed Sullivan. That’s who you’re going for, right?

Host: I’d hope so, since that’s who I am. I’ll get your server.

Butch: But…

Coming from behind Butch is the voice of VINCENT VEGA.

Vincent: Look who’s here! Hey Punchy!

Butch turns to see Vincent and MIA WALLACE coming toward his booth from the dance floor.

Butch: What? I shot you! You’re dead!

Vincent: Could be. But here I am, and here you are.

Butch stands in a hurry as Vincent reaches in his jacket pocket.

Easy Palooka, I’m not gonna kill you. I’m not even packin’. We’re already dead. I’m just grabbin’ my cigarettes.

Vincent pulls out a pack of Red Apple cigarettes and holds it out to Butch.

Smoke?

Butch carefully takes one. Vincent lights it, then his own.

Mia: It’s true, Daddy-o. Everyone here is dead, at least for now. You shot Vincent, I had a hot shot of heroin, and something happened to you, possibly to your head.

She strokes his cut with a finger.

Now you have to choose whether to stay (she points at his booth) or go (she sweeps her arm around and points back at the door). If you stay, you might as well dance. If you go…who knows?

WAITRESS arrives and pushes a vanilla shake down in front of Butch.

Waitress: This is from the gentleman in the corner. He says you’ve met.

Vincent and Mia cut between Butch and the Waitress to leave.

Vincent: Adios Palooka, see you around.

Butch: Right.

As Vincent and Mia pass, Butch looks to the corner to see ZED, a thin, seedy-looking scumbag who is raising his own shake toward Butch and smiling broadly.

No way. Well, fuck this.

Butch gets up and heads for the door. As he opens it, cut to

SCENE: Butch’s dressing room after the fight. Butch, lying on the table, sits up with a gasp. MARSELLUS WALLACE and “DR.” JULES are standing on either side of the table, each of them dressed in a suit. Jules has a packet of smelling salts in his hand.

Cut to tight shot of Butch’s face with Jules and Marsellus visible behind him.

Jules: Well! Mr. Coolidge! Nice of you to join us!

Marsellus: I told you to stay out of town, Butch. Since you had the courtesy to go down in the first when I bet you would, I’m willing to reduce the penalty of your presence from your life to half of your take for the fight. Is that agreeable?

Butch: (visibly shaken) Sure. Yeah. You get half.

Marsellus: I only think that’s reasonable because after all, by sparing you, I’ve saved your life. (pause) Now there’s the matter of your physician’s fee. It appears my associate Dr. Winnfield here just saved your life by resuscitating your ass. Dr. Winnfield, how much do you think that’s worth?

Jules: (smiling) Oh, I think reasonable and customary charges would bring it to…the other half of the take.

Butch winces and Marsellus smiles. Fade out.

(Titles in Bold, centered) “The Consultation”

Fade in on tight head and shoulder shot of “Doctor” Jules Winnfield, dressed stylishly in a dark suit and tie.

Jules: “You should arrive no later than 7 o’clock for check-in and pre-surgical prep. I’ll show up around 10:30, 11 o’clock or so. You’ll be sedated and I’ll go in and have a look around. Should I find anything unusual, say lesions or polyps, I guarantee you I will wipe those motherfuckers out. And one other thing…do not eat for 12 hours before you come in. That means the day before you’re having an early dinner, then you start taking our clean-out shake for dessert. If I get in there and see anything looking like a Hawaiian Burger, I go home. Any questions?”

Pan to Captain Koons, still in his dress uniform.

Koons: It sounds pretty straightforward. What about anesthetic?

Pan to Jules

Jules: For that I defer to Dr. Lance.

Pan to “Doctor” Lance.

Lance: We could go with gas or intravenous, I prefer intravenous. Before the procedure we’ll give you a little oral Valium to set things up, then during the procedure you have your choice of regular or the Madman. Regular is covered entirely by Medicare and all major insurance, while the Madman has a more powerful punch, sometimes some psychotropic effects, and a higher co-pay, up to $50 a dose.

Pan back to Koons, pondering. Jules’ hand and arm come into frame as Jules pats Koons on the shoulder.

Jules: Ha Ha! Oh I think I know my man here. He wants the Madman. He’s a patient of discerning tastes. Now…Captain I just have one question for you.

Jules pulls a hand-tooled wallet from his pocket, removes a picture and shows it to Koons.

Do you know who that is?

Koons looks at the picture

Koons: That’s Marsellus Wallace.

Cute to Jules, beaming.

Jules: Marsellus Wallace! Give that man a gold star! Very good. Now, does he look like a bitch to you?

Koons: What?

Jules: Dr. Lance, did I stutter?

Lance: No.

Jules: I didn’t think so. Captain, do you have a hearing problem?

Koons: What? I mean, no.

Jules: Please sir, I have to ask you, do not say what again. You might say I have a sensitivity to that word. I asked you, do you have a hearing problem?

Koons: No.

Jules: Then I’ll ask you again; does Marsellus Wallace look like a bitch?

Koons: No.

Jules: Then don’t fuck him like a bitch. Did you give your insurance information to Carol out front?

Cut to Koons.

Koons: Is that the girl with all the shit on her face?

Cut to Lance, suddenly interested.

Lance: Uh, that’s Jody, and she’s my wife.

Koons: Oh. She’s lovely.

Jules: Carol is the older one.

Koons: They have all my information and my co-pay.

“Titles in bold, centered” “The Wolf”

Scene begins with black screen and the voice of “Dr.” Winston Wolfe aka “The Wolf.” Succinct, professional, with an undercurrent of both charm and potential violence.

Gradually FADE IN as The Wolf speaks, eventually revealing The Wolf, a 70ish, tidy, ruggedly handsome man in a tuxedo, standing amidst the carnage of the exam room, bloodied from the death of Captain Koons. Koons’ body remains on the exam table. Nurse Jody, “Dr.” Lance, and “Dr.” Jules are in various parts of the room looking stunned, embarrassed, and nervous.

The Wolf: I don’t believe this. You call yourselves professionals? How many messes do I have to clean up for you? I’m the clinic’s administrator and Chief Operations Officer. You’re doctors. Do you think we need this on our record?

Lance: No, sir.

Wolf: What was this guy here for?

Jules: A colonoscopy.

Wolf: And it went so well that you killed him?

Jules: I found a ring, and some polyps.

Wolf: A ring? Did you recover it?

Nurse Jody, wearing a glove, holds it up to him.

Wolf: West Point. Impressive. So we have a dead military man.

Jules: A captain. Captain Koons.

Lance: He was a war hero.

Wolf: Fabulous. So we have a dead war hero who made it home only to be killed getting an ass exam. The big question is; did you get the polyps?

Jules: No.

Wolf: All right then, here’s what we’re going to do. Nurse, you…

Jody: Jody

Wolf: Whatever. Fine, Nurse Jody, go to the end of the hall, grab a laundry cart, load it up with sheets, pillowcases, blankets, towels, whatever they have, come back here. Come in here, close the door, load the captain in the cart, cover him up. Nothing should be visible. Make sure there’s a layer beneath him to catch any blood. When you’ve done that, take the cart downstairs in the service elevator to the ambulance bay. There my associate will meet you to help load him in and bring him back around to the emergency room, where he will come in as any other patient.

(He points at Lance and Jules)

You two. You have 10 minutes. Scrub this room.

Lance: Why do we have to clean it up?

Wolf: Excuse me?

Lance: Why do we have to clean it up? She gets to run around and do these other things, why can’t she help us clean up?

Wolf: Because, smart guy, she’s the only one so far who has done her job today. She noticed the lack of breathing or pulse. She tried to keep the patient alive. You two assholes killed him. So you get to clean it up! Now, if you have no other questions, I’ll finish telling you what to do so you can get through this with careers and a workplace, if that’s all right by you.

Lance is silent.

Wolf: In 10 minutes, you’ll have a call that a patient, our Captain Koons, has crashed. You’ll head to the E/R and attend that call, lending your expertise. It won’t be enough to save him.

Jules: (smiling) So we found him that way.

Wolf: Essentially, yes. Right now, you clean this ring. Get any trace of blood, pus, flesh, or fecal matter off of it. Put it on him, so he can be buried with it. If I find if one of you has it after his funeral, which I will be attending, I’ll be doing surgery on you, starting with your knees. Now get to work.

FADE OUT