I Can’t Believe I Wrote This

I’ve put a content warning on this because a lot of the context and quotes once understood, are not suitable for work. At least we can look back and have a giggle. I have cringed and laughed so hard when seeing these.

“SEIKO!” Monika screamed the roof down with her sword in the air. “I’M GOING TO SET YOUR PUSSY ON FIRE!”

Seiko chuckled with her thumbs up. “Keep dreaming, Monika – I’ll pee it out.”

From Chapter 20 of President Joker’s Game of Mass Destruction. Before I published my novel, Game of Mass Destruction, I wrote a fanfic with the same title a few years prior mixing different fandoms, (I think around 25) and put them in some crazy and deprived situations. The fan fic goes harder than the novel, has more characters and is slightly longer but they both go in different directions. I had a blast writing the fic and this line is hilarious.

"Oh." Satoshi replied as he slipped his top on. "So sex makes babies, huh?"

From my old Pokémon fic, The Hard Feeling. I was very young when I got into writing fan fics and got inspired by reading all the fics. Curiosity got the better out of me and fit made me want to write erotic content at an age where I shouldn’t have been. Looking back now, it’s funny when you get anons slating you for some dumb shit you wrote at 15. I used to use the Japanese names instead of the English names cause at the time, I thought it made me sound more cool. Satoshi is Ash in case you didn’t know. A lot of fan fics I read used to play on his dense nature.

Drew: Cyber is like internet sex. Like Sex on a chat thing or role-playing sex with each other.

May: It's like phone-sex but it's online.

Ash: who in their right mind would have sex with a phone?

From another Pokémon fanfic, Weird Instant Messages. The layout to this fic is very dated and is set in 2008 with the MSN layout where people could pick their own names and group chats weren’t long-term. Playing on Ash’s dense nature was fun. I wrote the first part of the story for a friend and a lot of people thought it was hilarious and ended up writing more group chat stories.

“I want a goldfuck!”

Dawn’s typo in Weird Instant Messages. She meant to type Golduck, as in the Pokémon. Readers loved this line. It’s also realistic as one person pointed out cause d and f are next together on the QWERTY keyboard.

Anne Robinson: Which pirate is the main protagonist in the Pirates of the Caribbean series?

Luffy: Captain James Hook

From The Weakest Link. I did an anime version of the weakest link. I loved the quiz show when I was younger, especially the sarcasm and wit from Anne. It probably wouldn’t be allowed on today, but there has been some new versions of The Weakest Link with a new host that gives it a fresh modern take. I loved the funny wrong awnsers. I thought it was be funny to have a pirate who had no idea who Jack Sparrow.

There was a knock on the door. Trucy's half-brother, Apollo got it, and as soon as he opened the door, he screamed. "IT'S A BEAST!" Apollo screamed. "A HUGE SLIMY BEAST!"

"That's not the way to greet customers," Phoenix told Apollo as he walked up to the door and saw the disfigured creature through the door.

From my Ace Attorney fic, Phoenix and the Beast. I don’t remember much about writing this one, but this line always stuck in my mind.

"To the Magical Fluffy Dildo castle at once!"

From a Yu-Gi-Oh fanfic called Epic Cheese Sandwich. I think I was either drunk when I wrote this or wrote it as a joke. Definitely not trolling, cause the number one rule of being a troll, is to never admit that you are one.