Headlines in Zingers with Argus Hamilton

BEVERLY HILLS—Happy Tuesday and God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

Pfizer sent its Covid vaccine to the FDA to be tested for emergency approval as a public debate broke out over who should be the first recipients of the drug. I think the vaccine should be tested first on Congress. If they survive, then the vaccine is safe and if they don’t, then the country is safe

Gavin Newsom halted outdoor dining ending the Comedy Store shows we’ve been doing miked up from behind a glass window inside the club to the outdoor patio crowd. One thing bothers me to no end. We’d still be packing them in every night if only Mitzi Shore had named it The Grocery Store

The OU Sooners beat the OSU Cowboys Saturday in a classic clash between a snotty party school and a school steeped in Aggie lore. It was ever thus. In 1985, OU and OSU both purchased the same artificial turf for their football fields but OSU paid twice as much because they added a sprinkler system

The US Postal Service reported Friday it lost nine billion dollars last year, an increase of over three hundred sixty million in losses from the previous year. In LA Friday, a woman gave birth while standing in line at the Post Office. She was seven months pregnant when she first got in the line

Joe Biden’s transition team Friday began leaking the names of key appointments to a friendly media. It was reported on Sunday that Joe has decided to name Antony Blinken to be Secretary of State. Honestly, I really want Joe to get off to a great start, but isn’t Blinken one of Santa’s reindeer?

A Pennsylvania court rejected Trump motions to toss out late-arriving mail-in votes following legal setbacks in Michigan and Wisconsin. The establishment has him cornered. Trump is getting so screwed in the courts that the only thing missing is Jerry Falwell, Jr, standing in the corner watching

President Trump lawyer Sidney Powell was let go Sunday after her motions failed to get a US court in Pennsylvania to throw out late-arriving mail-in votes. That could be the ballgame. If, on January 20th, Joe Biden is sworn in as President of the United States, someone should tell him

President Trump’s lawyers vowed to keep fighting right up to the day of the Electoral College vote to try to overturn three Swing State vote totals. It was reported Sunday that a second recount is now possible in Georgia. I’m happy if that means Tiger Woods still has a chance to win the Masters

President Trump reported Friday he and his family will not fly south to spend Thanksgiving in Florida and will stay in the White House. Donald Jr. is feeling fine, but he’s in self-quarantine after being diagnosed with Corona Virus. I agree with the president that he only got it because he got tested

Cosmo did a sex survey of Millennial that found they have greatly reduced engaging in casual sex in 2020 due to the pandemic. Overwhelmingly they say the risk of catching the virus is not worth a one-night-stand. Instead of labeling them Millennials I think we should go with Lightweights

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals stage a protest in Washington against what they call the annual slaughter of turkeys, cattle and pigs we feast on at holiday dinners across the US. Aren’t we just awful? If eating meat is murder, then make mine a Double Bacon Cheese Murder

Los Angeles school kids were ordered home to online classes despite data showing they don’t learn much more than what they already know. Online English grammar classes in LA are badly failing. When asked on a test what always follows a sentence, sixty percent of the kids replied a parole

The LA Times says migrant fears of coming to the US and border control has caused a maid and landscaper shortage in LA. It’s a new adventure for Lord Hamilton. I have to make my own bed, wash my own clothes, clean my own place, and then a month later, I have to do it all over again