Classic Movie Review: 'Forrest Gump' Stinks

Forrest Gump (1994)

Directed by Robert Zemeckis

Written by Eric Roth

Starring Tom Hanks, Robin Wright, Gary Sinise, Sally Field

Release Date July 6th, 1994

Published July 12th, 1994

I Hate Forrest Gump. I despise this movie. I cannot stand anything about Forrest Gump. I love Tom Hanks, I think he's deservedly one of our most beloved actors. He's incredibly talented. But this movie is the worst of his career. This basic bitch of a movie holds your hand and drags you to every empty emotion it is trying to evoke. Nostalgia porn is the most simplistic interpretation of Forrest Gump but it's so much worse than that. It's ugly, self-congratulatory Boomer nostalgia porn.

Forrest Gump was born a little slow. He has an I.Q of 75. But his mama, played by Sally Field, refuses to let him be treated differently from the other kids. Mama Gump sleeps with a school principal to get Forrest into public school beginning a trend where everyone around Forrest Gump has to suffer to make his life possible. So, mama gets Forrest into school where he is bullied relentlessly.

The only comfort Forrest finds at school comes in his friendship with Jenny, who will be played by Robin Wright as a grown up. Jenny takes pity on Forrest and comes to rely on him as she battles a life filled with abuse. Because, again, everyone in the movie has to suffer while Forrest thrives. Jenny, Mama, eventually, Lt. Dan (Gary Sinise) and Forrest's friend Bubba (Mykelti Williamson), all have to suffer grave horrors while Forrest becomes a war hero, a billionaire, and has nothing bad ever happen to him.

Jenny suffers the trials of Jobe, sexual abuse, partner abuse, sexual assault, drug addiction, AIDS, and all the while Forrest has nothing bad happen to him. Lt. Dan loses his legs, Bubba is killed, Mama dies of cancer, and Forrest trips and falls into millions of dollars and worldwide fame because he played ping pong and he decided to run across the country for three years. Forrest also inspires Elvis to dance, he inspires John Lennon to write Imagine, and he invested in Apple before Apple became a big deal.

While Forrest is meeting President Kennedy and telling the President that he needs to pee, or while Forrest is showing his ass to President Lyndon Johnson, everyone around Forrest, especially Jenny, is suffering torments. If you told me that the premise of Forrest Gump was that he made a deal with the devil that involved him having a great life while Jenny, Lt. Dan, Mama and Bubba suffered, I would have to believe you. That's basically what happens in Forrest Gump.

I hate the music of Forrest Gump. Not just because it's a lot of Big Chill style Boomer anthems, though that's what these songs are. No, it's because of how Robert Zemeckis uses music in Forrest Gump. These are some of the most obvious and stultifying needle drops in movie history. Hey, we're going to Vietnam so let's have Fortunate Son by CCR on the soundtrack. Oh, Vietnam is going poorly and is winding down, better play The Doors. What's this? A character is going to San Francisco? Better play the song San Francisco by Scott McKenzie, otherwise the audience might not know where the character is going.

Hell, the song Sweet Home Alabama is on the Forrest Gump soundtrack just in case you didn't realize that Forrest grew up and lives in Alabama. Or, how about when Forrest goes running? Can't do that without playing Running on Empty by Jackson Browne. And, if he's going to keep running for three years then we'd better add in 'It Keeps You Runnin' by The Doobie Brothers. If we're not being derivative and insulting enough, how about we have Forrest go to New York City in the early 1970s. Then we can play Everybody's Talkin by Harry Nilssen while Lt. Dan yells at a cabbie that 'hey, I'm walkin here!.'

Forrest Gump could easily be reduced to a game of Boomer Bingo where they daub a number every time they recognize something from their past. The pandering is shameless, hoary, and sickening. When the film isn't pandering to nostalgia it's being treacly and pandering to simpleminded emotionality. I'm shocked the movie doesn't parade an adorable puppy across the screen just to make sure it gets the audience to go 'awww' at the appropriate times. The movie holds your hand and tugs you toward every other reaction it wants.

If you can't tell, I loathe Forrest Gump. I can't stand a movie that tells you how to feel about it. I can't stand a movie that panders to the audience. It reminds me of a Nostalgia Critic video where the reference to something you recognize from popular culture is the joke. Just the recognition of a thing is supposed to be funny. Forrest Gump is the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme as a movie. Did you recognize the thing boys and girls? Good. How about this thing? Good. Did this sound familiar boys and girls? Good. Forrest Gump is that as a movie, it's a series of things people remember fondly and, oh by the way, here's Tom Hanks.

Oh, and it's about torturing poor Robin Wright. When the movie isn't sexually or physically abusing poor Jenny, it's framing her has a gold-digger and an opportunist. After she's suffered repeated abuse, she comes back to Forrest only after he's become a millionaire. She takes advantage of his feelings for her and runs away. When she comes back, it's only because she's pregnant and has nowhere else to go. Oh, and she's got AIDS. She's got the prettiest, most appealing form of AIDS imaginable. Truly, if you told me that the makers of Forrest Gump test marketed AIDS and determined that they couldn't let Jenny actually look like she had AIDS, I would believe you. That is just the kind kind of gross, calculated, manipulative move that feels right at home in Forrest Gump. One of the worst movies ever made.

Forrest Gump is the latest movie to feature on the I Hate Critics Movie Review Podcast spinoff, I Hate Critics 1994. Each week, myself and my co-hosts, Gen-Z'er M.J and Gen-X'er Amy, watch a movie that came out 30 years ago the same weekend. It's a way to evaluate how movies and culture have changed in just a mere three decades and thus far, it has been a fun and strange journey. The 1990s is filled with a lot of really terrible movies, some are even worse than Forrest Gump. Listen to the I Hate Critics 1994 Podcast on the I Hate Critics Movie Review Podast feed, wherever you listen to podcasts.

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