Book Review: "Happy Ever After" by Paul Dolan

Full Title = Happy Ever After: Escaping the Myth of a Perfect Life by Paul Dolan

I chose to read this book because I had been scrolling through Penguin Books' nonfiction section. I had finished doing one of my crosswords (yes, I'm into crosswords don't laugh) and I had also just considered watching another episode of Seinfeld on Netflix. But, instead of doing another crossword or watching Netflix, I found this really intriguing book to read. Happy Ever After tackles the myths associated with what is regularly thought of as success and happiness and challenges the middle class rhetoric upon the subject of labour jobs being for the failures or those resigned to a life in the working class. Instead, it opens our eyes to the fact that individuality can create fulfillment in lifestyles that this middle class rhetoric may render unconventional or unattractive. Let's take a good look, shall we?

Dolan opens the book by challenging the pervasive cultural idea of “happy ever after,” which he defines as an illusion shaped by societal norms about what a successful life should look like. These myths, he argues, impose rigid standards of achievement—such as marriage, wealth, and career success—that often fail to deliver true happiness. Dolan sets out to dismantle these myths using insights from behavioural science and psychology, urging readers to define happiness on their own terms. Though this sounds good on paper, there is not a lot of data to back it up. Be that as it may, he does make his own compelling argument and even admits that if we were to always focus on solid facts then we would perhaps never learn anything new and challenge what we already assume to be true.

Dolan debunks the idea that professional achievement and a high-paying job guarantee happiness. He explains how the relentless pursuit of career goals can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction, as people often conflate financial success with emotional wellbeing. Dolan highlights the importance of finding work that aligns with one’s intrinsic interests and values rather than striving for external validation or societal benchmarks. Now, though I do not agree that work has to make us happy, I do agree with the notion that the relentless pursuit of a career by overworking does nothing but help the person making the money out of you rather than you yourself. Burnout is completely unnecessary and is not glamorous at all. It is pathetic and the only person who gets anything out of it is your boss. Nobody wants that.

Contrary to popular belief, Dolan demonstrates that money has diminishing returns on happiness once basic needs are met. He critiques the culture of consumerism, showing how the endless pursuit of wealth often leaves people less content due to the pressures it creates. By focusing on experiences and meaningful connections rather than possessions, individuals can derive greater satisfaction from their lives. I think that this is probably one of the most obvious lies that has been peddled to absolutely everyone. Not that 'money will make you happy', but 'going after money will make you upset'. I think that perhaps, we should peddle the rhetoric that security is a good idea and financial security should probably be one of the goals we have.

Dolan questions the assumption that higher education is essential for happiness and success. He critiques the societal pressure to attend university, noting that it often leads to debt and stress for those who might thrive in alternative paths. Dolan emphasises the importance of finding one’s unique strengths and opportunities, whether through formal education or other forms of self-development. I think that this is an important point and I agree when he states that more education in elite universities does not necessarily make you smarter (points to self).

As he goes through everything from marriage and children to the myths we tell ourselves about employment, education and identity - this book may cherry-pick its data in a weird way but one thing it does do is make some great arguments for dismantling these myths. It does not just say that we should but it also states why these myths are quintessentially harmful and why we should strive to help others rather than creating myths to perceive ourselves as better than others.