This Needs to Stop. Like Decades Ago.

This post was originally posted on Medium on April 29, 2022.

Today I got kicked out of a Facebook group for speaking up about “one-size-fits-all” forms of recovery. I didn’t attack anyone, I didn’t swear. In fact, it was probably one of the most level-headed statements I’ve made about this.

Let me preface this by saying — I’m in recovery myself. It’s been a long battle. I have fought tooth and nail for my sobriety, and I am determined to support anyone else on their own sober journey. I tried a number of recovery programs, and nothing helped.

I don’t care how anyone gets sober. There’s no single path to recovery, and what works for any person is good for them. They should certainly share their journey with other people, but the days of gatekeeping recovery need to end.

Today’s Offense

Today someone posted asking for help in a recovery group. They specifically asked for options aside from AA, because they said they tried it and it didn’t work for them.

Some woman decided that it was her duty to let this person know that they had just about zero chance of success without going to AA. To paraphrase: “I’ve seen pretty much 100% of everyone fail at recovery if they weren’t in AA.”

Several people, myself included, mentioned that we didn’t use AA or any other program for that matter. For whatever reason, this woman decided that my comment was the one she needed to laugh at. Her response: “Thanks for sharing your wisdom.”

Admittedly, I probably should have left it alone. But honestly, today was not the fucking day it was going to happen. I have been riled up about this all week — it started Monday in another group I participate in, and evidently I didn’t let go of it like I thought I did.

So today, I spoke up. I responded to this ladies “haha” to my comment with the following:

“It disturbs me that you think that what I said was funny. OP literally posted asking for help, stating what they’d tried, and your response was basically that it was their only option. Do you think it’s funny that people are dying from overdoses and addiction-related complications every day? Do you think it’s funny that people commit suicide because they think that’s their only option?”

It’s unfortunate that people in recovery are so unwilling to consider that there are other options besides a nearly 90-year-old program. Yes, AA is tried and true, but it has never, and will never, work for everyone.

Attitudes like this are the reason that people don’t want to be part of AA. Yes, for many the philosophy and process aren’t aligned, but for many, it’s the cult-like behavior of so many participants.

Again, I think AA is a program that has helped people, and will continue to do so. But for fuck’s ever-loving sake, STOP forcing it on people. Enough telling people that they can’t get sober without AA. If you want to support people in recovery, and be an advocate for those fighting addiction, stop promoting a one-size-fits-all approach.

Want to find an AA group that works for you? I’ll help you find one. Want help finding something else? I’ll help you do that too. But please, I beg you: if you are struggling, know you aren’t alone. Please reach out for help.