THE GRAY AREA

Relationships are not always black and white. And sometimes, a break-up can leave you seeing red. And we are often left not just with the loss of a person, but with the realization that at some point, you have lost a portion of yourself as well. And we can fear repeating the cycle. While that can be a daunting or jarring revelation, there are a number of things we can do in between relationships to make sure that a whole, healthy, and healed individual shows up at your next pairing.

1) Re-Introduce Yourself To You.

There are certainly different levels at which we all make personal sacrifices. But, we all find ourselves somewhere around compromise (and if you find that you haven’t, that may be an underlying or overlapping issue that contributed to the break-up). Get back into things that were a healthy part of your identity before you got into your last relationship. Get back into sports. Start cooking again. Create art again. These are all better alternatives than taking more time that you need to wondering what you did or what you were that was wrong. Communication is the biggest qualifier in a relationship, so whatever you were was good enough. But, the communication didn’t allow for a proper platform for that version of you. But, the show must go on.

2) Briefly Take Personal Inventory.

Accountability is a major aspect of a successful adult life, so there is a need to go over the role you played in the relationship. Regardless of whether you were the fool or the cool, you can definitely benefit from briefly revisiting your disposition to understand the things that you don’t need to move forward with. Without self-inventory (and again, brief self-inventory), you are almost a hundred percent going to make the same mistakes, do, and fall for the same things in your next relationship.

3) Consecrate Yourself For A Period of Time

In the same way that you shouldn’t take old baggage into a relationship, there is something to be said about making sure we don’t move ahead with old karma. Refraining from sex, and possibly coupling that with some prayer (if you are into that) can do wonders to help us set a new focused intention. A good consecration is akin to cleaning up your home before a new visitor arrives. Aside from cutting off your ex, and cutting up their pictures, cutting up the atmosphere around you can help you vibrate a little higher. Elevating yourself spiritually can be more beneficial to your future dating life than an influx of money or a new body. New wine needs to be poured into new wine skins. This is an amazing lead into the next point.

4) KEEP. MOVING. FORWARD.

Say it out loud: My future is in front of me. Moments of loneliness almost always make us wonder if our old relationship was really that bad. And nothing can bring an ex out of the woodwork like progress. But, there is a fact we must not forget; whatever is meant to be will be. Keep moving forward. Leave the work to them to decide whether or not they are going to end back up in front of you. Find productive things to do to fill that void space. Reacquaint yourself with self-care, inside and outside of the bedroom. Decide what your plan of action is, and who and where you want to be at the end, and start your journey. Avoid distractions, old and new. And you’ll know distractions by this fact alone; do you have to move off of your path to entertain them. If so, get back on the trail, babykins. If they don’t want to walk with you, that’s okay. But, this is not the time to stop.

5) Count It All Joy

Whether you opt to sculpt a new body, build a business, reconnect with family, friends, and loved ones, or God, remember to stay joyful. As tears dissipate and your future becomes more clear over the horizon, and even when the skies and the waters are yet murky, maintain your joy. The worst thing you can ever let anyone take from you is your ability to smile. So smile. Smile because you loved. Smile because you will love again. And more importantly, smile because although there is a big, crazy world out there, this big crazy world is better because of that big, beautiful smile of yours.

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