Embracing Envy

The game of life is competitive. Whether it's work, relationships, material possessions, or appearances, where there is competition, jealousy and envy often follow.

This is a natural aspect of human nature, and we should accept it as such. Embrace it and understand it, rather than putting it in the taboo realms of judgment and assumptions.

Although they are intertwined, jealousy and envy are indeed two distinct emotions:

1. Jealousy is defined as an emotion that stems from the fear of losing something you value. As a result, you may feel anxious, possessive, or angry. Your sole focus is protecting what you value and what you love. Jealousy is the motivator that keeps you locked in your insecurities.
2. Envy is defined as an emotion that stems from wanting something someone else has. Consequently, it can cause bitterness, resentment and a hopeless sense of longing. Your primary focus is on obtaining the very thing you want to achieve. As such, envy will keep you trapped in a cycle of comparison and make you appear corrosive to others.

No one wants to look at the ugly parts of themselves and see a green-eyed monster staring back at them. If the monster is allowed to continue, however, left unchecked and misunderstood. It could lead to damaging behaviours and self-sabotaging actions that are out of character.

For me, I use these emotions as indicators of true fear or true desire. They help me weed out what is simply a fleeting want or nervousness versus what really matters to me or what actually scares me to my core.

Reflecting one's emotions takes acknowledgement. Understanding what motivates these feelings and how to respond to them is the next step. It is important to consider how one may obtain or protect the very things that motivate the feelings without taking or causing harm to someone else.

This is sensibility before the action. We should never make decisions from the heart, but it is wise to learn the forensics.

Both psychologists and philosophers for centuries have spoken about the balance between the mind and the heart, the Apollonian and Dionysian or my personal favourite:

"...the auxiliary of virtue and the soul of genius."

Mary Wollenstonecraft, The Wrongs of a Woman, 1792.

And that's the thing, everything is a balance, even the good and the bad. Come on, even Thanos knew this. The difference between us and Thanos, however, is that we aren't bad people for feeling bad things. It is only when we act on those bad things, we may become monsters.

Yet, we are human, saints and sinners, angels and demons, designed perfectly to spend our existence in constant emotional turmoil.

If we wish it to be, of course. Or we can be brave enough to talk about our feelings, figure out why we feel the way we do, and decide how we can put feelings of jealousy or envy into acceptance and rest.

Hey, you might even learn something about yourself. The unconscious keeps things from you.

So dear reader, I say unto you, the next time you think someone may steal your person, or you want that person's job, embrace those horrible feelings you are reluctant to acknowledge and work through them bit by bit. Stop running from yourself and surrender to the art of emotional intelligence.

I promise you, you'll become a better person for it. Just remember, it is natural to feel these feelings; it is human.

Because it takes courage to be yourself in a competitive world that requires you to be anything but than. If you're looking for authenticity, start with the heart.

And who knows what would happen if we didn't bury our emotions behind a fake smile and an ambiguous Instagram post. Maybe, parts of the world would heal, and maybe our smiles will become genuine.

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