Case Against Saying, "I love you more!"

You have probably heard someone say, "I love you," and the recipient responds by saying, "I love you more."

While both expressions sound romantic, there is something wrong with the response. So, what's wrong with saying, "I love you more"? Plenty!

A Put Down

When you tell someone, "I love you," and the person responds by saying, "I love you more," it is actually a put-down. It appears that the respondent is trying to get the upper hand. The person wants to one-up the person who merely said, "I love you."

A Comparison

Saying, "I love you more" indicates a comparison. There should never be a direct or indirect comparison when expressing love. Saying, "I love you" is just as powerful as someone responding by saying, "I love you more."

A Belittlement

The person who says, "I love you more" belittles the person who only says, "I love you." That person gives the impression that he is better equipped to love to a greater degree. If he thinks that about loving, he probably thinks the same about other aspects in the relationship.

Not a Complete Sentence

"I love you" is a complete sentence with a subject, a verb, and a direct object. Nothing else needs to be added to it for it to make sense.

On the other hand, it is ambiguous what the "I-love-you-more" person is trying to say because something appears to be missing. The person could be saying indirectly that "I love you more than I love my last significant other." Or "I love you more today than yesterday, when I didn't love you as much or not at all." Or "I love you more than chocolate ice cream."

What "I Love You More" Could Mean

"I love you more," might be an indication that the responder is trying to outdo the initial remark. Other than being a put-down or a way to belittle, the respondent is saying he has the ability to love to a greater extent.

Pop singer Michael Jackson and television personality Wendy Williams used to say it when someone yelled, "I love you." They would yell back, "I love you more." It was a habit more than an actual emotion. Now, most folks are just repeating what they’ve heard.

Some people feel that they must add something to those three words, when actually they don't need to do so. The words "I love you" are powerful enough to stand alone.

"I love you too" vs. "I love you more"

It is more appropriate to say, "I love you too" than to say, "I love you more." Saying "I love you too" is a way of expressing that you also love the person you are talking to without making a comparison, assigning a degree to the emotion, or trying to top the expression. Saying "I love you more" is a way of expressing that your love for the person is stronger or greater than the person's love for you.

• “I love you too” expresses equality of emotions without comparison.
• “I love you more” denies equality by asserting that the person who gives the response has a stronger, truer, deeper, and greater love.

There is no way to quantify feelings. Therefore, neither partner has a way to measure whose love is more and whose love is less. So a more scientifically correct reply isn't "I love you more."

For the record

I realize some people will not agree with me. That's fine if they don't. My case isn't about withholding love, but about shining light on the following things:

• True love needs no comparison or competition.
• Genuine love does not belittle.
• It is hard for real love to be measured, scored, or ranked.
• The extent of someone's love doesn't belong on a scoreboard.
• A couple's love is not a hierarchy.
• There should be no rivalry in a love relationship.

We are commanded, "Love your neighbor as yourself," instead of loving your neighbor more. We are not commanded to love our neighbor in excess but in equality.

I am not encouraging anyone to refrain from saying, "I love you more." However, I am inviting people to think more deeply about how they express love.

"True love doesn't need to be measured—it needs to be mirrored."

My Personal Preference

When people tell me they love me, I have never added anything to that already complete sentence. I have never said, "I love you more" for the reasons I have stated above.

"Don’t tell me you love me more. Just say, "I love you." That will be enough for me.