Porcelain Doll

The skin is smooth like the mirror I gaze into. Rose lips contrasting pale skin stood out to my sight, cheekbones highlighted by the pink hue that dust them consistently. The eyes that stare into the glass are mine, so deep and emotionless, yet so stunning. Black, pencil straight hair tops my head, a gleam of light sparkling in the locks. My hair isn’t too long, but it is just as gorgeous as the rest of the mirrored image. I would have smiled at the sight of my beautiful image, but I know my mouth doesn’t work.

I am just a doll after all.

Perhaps I am vain. I would stare at myself all day long in that display window, acting as though I couldn’t feel. As though I couldn’t move.

I knew the truth, knew that I could very well stand and leave.

If I really wanted to, that is. This wasn’t the case however—as I quite like the spot I sat in. I enjoy the looks the people just beyond my reach sent me.

The man who helped me down from my perch—Grady is his name, I believe—always chided that their envious jj shouldn’t be needed. No one could look as elegant as a porcelain doll.

He doesn’t know it, but I envy them. At least, I believed it is envy—I have never felt anything before. Yet I am jealous of their will to move, their ability to speak.

The people’s ability to do anything aside from looking beautiful is exactly what I envy when I see them looking up at me.

Oh, but it isn’t like I mind too much. Of course not, I knew my place—in the window sill, modeling new outfits of the store. That is where I belong.

Yet every passing day, there is only one human to look into the display window and send me a look of longing. It was so different from the rest; he didn’t look at me for envy of my gorgeousness, but for something else.

I still have no idea what it is he wants of me—if not my looks, then what could he possibly long for?

At that very moment, I see him approach the glass to stare at me in the same way, just as he did every day. I return his stare, but I knew my eyes couldn't gleam the way his are.

That spark is there again, just like every other time. His mouth is hanging open slightly, the ringlets of brown hair framing his handsome features. My sight remains on the green eyes that sparkle with the form of intensity I’d never seen.

For a moment, I thought he would leave and our staring contest would end again for another day. I don’t want him to go now, but there is no stopping the inevitable. It would happen, I knew it, and he’d be back again for another day.

However, he says something to himself the window disallows me to hear as he places a hand to the glass of my chamber. I nearly flinch, only to remember I couldn’t do such a thing.

I am just a doll after all.

He nods his head as though I had answered him and hurries into the shop I sat within. I wish to turn my head to watch him, a full frown covering my lips for the first time since I could remember. It is impossible for me to turn to him however, as I am to just sit here and look pretty.

I wait, wondering when he'd return to the streets beyond the shop for a few moments, counting the people who pass to occupy my time.

I had just gotten to twenty when I hear a voice from behind. “Are you absolutely positive about this, sir?”

Grady is approaching me far too early to end the day. I nearly swing around to find out what the problem is, but found that I could not before being grabbed up and taken down from my pedestal.

A grunt is his only answer, but I have a feeling I know who it is.

Grady turns with me in his arms, and my sight finally rests upon the one he spoke to. My eyes would have widened in surprise despite my suspicions.

Those same green eyes from outside were staring at me again, his mouth agape once more and I suddenly have an idea what the emotion always was.

Desire. Want. Lust.

I want to gasp and tell Grady that he is having dirty human thoughts about me. That this man he is handing me over to wants something from me that I know I won’t be able to deliver.

“Thank you for this…” His voice is soft, almost as though he isn’t really speaking. But his lips are by my ear and I can hear every word from his breathy voice—it tickles my ear.

He bows lightly, Grady thanking him in return before we're moving to leave the only home I've ever known. I felt the need to flail and demand he take me back, but it is impossible.

This man wants me for something dolls weren’t meant to do.

———

“You look so much like her,” he murmurs to me, leaning even closer to catch my painted lips with his.

I only blink in response as he pulls away, leaving me to sit on the chair.

With each passing day, he grows bolder with what he does to me. I was almost appalled that he hadn’t taken me yet, but I soon came to realize what he has been doing. As he grew bolder, I began to move much like a human would. Why, just the other day, I had smiled at him.

I had been able to learn a few things during this time. For starters, his name is Heath, and he'd been engaged once. Something had happened, but he doesn't like to speak of it much—I just know that they were happy and, apparently, I look like her.

It doesn't matter, as he always says kind, sweet things no one has ever said to me.

Perhaps I have misplaced that look in his eye. It couldn’t be lust, not with the way he treats my porcelain skin. The way he touches me and holds me…

Maybe I hadn’t noticed it before, but now I am starting to become more aware.

“Love,” I whisper to him, stopping his form from leaving the room I reside in. Heath turns to me, those green eyes wide in surprise.

I am just as surprised, my own jaw slack, though my lips barely part.

We stare at one another, just like we used to when I sat in that window all those weeks ago. He hesitates, but a small grin takes over his caressing lips.

“Yes… love.”

Heath leaves the room after this, and I suddenly felt empty once more.

What is love? I never knew this word before and now I spoke as though I knew everything about feelings.

Spoke…

I feel the air take over my lungs with a gasping breath. “I… can speak?” My lips are barely moving, but there is a sound coming from my throat.

Eager but slowly, ever so smoothly, I tilt my head down to look at my arm as I try to move it. The first thing I notice was the resounding crack that rang out in my ears before the splits mutilate my arm.

I know what is happening, but I don’t want to stop. I am moving! For the first time on my own, I am moving.

The glass of my skin breaks away completely, a resounding shatter reverberating in his home. I fall to the floor and stare out at nothing in particular. A smile took to my lips, a happiness welling inside me from the fact that I’d been able to move.

His thumping footsteps are the first thing to make a sound after my sudden break. I do my best to look up at him in the doorway, wanting to express my happiness at having been able to move. By now, the grin is cracking my cheeks open.

“K-Kira…” Heath mumbles, moving closer to the broken pieces that fall through my skin. “You’re…”

I wish to nod and laugh at his needless unease, but something is stopping me. “I’ve become human, Heath…”

Watching him carefully, I take in every feature I could. However, I notice the only things worth looking into are those stunning green eyes he possesses. They are shaking and wide, fear in the depths of them. For some reason, I know why he is afraid.

“I felt very alive then,” I try to assure him, wanting to reach up and calm him with my own caressing hand. I found that I could not, but not because I am a doll.

I am broken.

“I’m so sorry, Kira…” His soft voice echoes in my mind, the sight of his fearful and loving gaze making me want to laugh in joy.

Heath loves me. His love and attention—affection instead of jealousy—had broken through my hollow shell. He turned me human for once in my life. I am human. There is just one problem with that though, as it is impossible for me to be human.

I was just a doll aft—