Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say.

"Those people are philosophers," dad used to say. "You can always hear yourself scream. Sometimes even when you're not."

I was drifting through another routine maneuver, spacial reorientation in zero-G, even when you are wearing a series 9-VX Smartsuit with the latest shielded anti-inertial drivers (SAID's) at all kinetic-energy generating nodal points, can be as problematic for your equilibrium as it is your gastrointestinal biome, a million little symbiotes heading for the nearest exit and taking your lunch with them...

Fortunately, the Series 9 had excellent matter dispersion condensers, so your farts literally smelled like roses.

This all occurred to me as the orange "object-closer-than-it-appears" light flashed in the upper right corner of my HUD, but it was once again proving itself universally redundant because I was staring directly at what appeared to be a gigantic undulating black blanket, or Manta Ray, with eyes that shined like stars, and the rest of my life in its gaping maw. I don't know how far away it was, but it appeared to be very very close.

Dad was not incorrect, I thought philosophically, putting a mental mark on the "he was always a hardass" side of his memory book I kept. Then my jump partner, Merrick Hargreaves, echoed my sentiments with gusto and the pitch dampeners kicked in, bringing me back to the present.

5 months ago….

Dad was still dead, but Mi2 still hadn't been born yet. Not for another 7 and a half hours and an extremely "actively-forgettable" moment when I stuck my head into the omnidimensional-transmatter-matriculater and Mi2 and I became "we".

It happened after a forgettable drive with an unforgettable woman to a rendezvous with a old friend for a gathering that was destined to be one to remember. For several reasons, it turned out.

I don't recall making it to my friend, his camp, the plan itself, or why we came down early. I certainly don't remember intending to eat the odd looking plant that all of a sudden I realized I just swallowed, but I remember exhaling. I remember looking around, remembered what the doormouse had said to me in the mirror, and realized I was actually somewhere else, so I ran. I ran out of the conversation I was having, out of the house, into the garage and directly to the first couch farthest from anything, so I could pretend to be asleep and let my infinite capacity for entropy and atrophy, love and loathing, wash over me anywhere from the requisite 4 hours up to eternity.

Tucking in, crushing myself into the corner with a cowardly smirk of mental satisfaction at having dodged a certain nervous breakdown, I was slammed directly out of my life by a dusty creature in what appeared to be Carhartt's, currently jammed into the other corner of the very couch I'd chosen as my refuge.

As I tumbled in slow-motion, trying to remember what I was, how to get back into my body, and why I was so dang big and good looking… I forgot what I was doing and stopped being anything because I had looked at my "co-couch-ugee's" eyes and saw everything I never noticed before. Like everything off to the side of the edge of your own reflection, that part of you that never won't be the other part of you, no matter what, it keeps changing. What you've been missing, or you lost once someplace, or've been searching for and didn't even know.

And…. And I saw her, if she was even human enough to call "her". I think she saw me, too - but I wasn't certain of much of anything at the time. And I was not at all happy about it. Partially because of the forgetful, but unforgettable, woman in the house wondering where I was. And of course the weird tasting plant or flower, or whatever kind of time traveling weed I'd eaten had me all messed up, too.

I believe I said something like, "Oh. Shoot. Umm. Wow. Shoot. I have to probably go now because you're something else and otherwise I'll ruin everything." 

I'm sure I came so close to getting knee'd in the nuts… I can't even imagine, but I was gonna have to kiss her if I didn't go, so I ran away and hid in my car, and forgot.

My girlfriend came out later, and I think I told her about it, but she was a textbook example of extreme ADHD, and she was drunk, and I don't think she really believed me anyway, and I was starting to think I was just crazy too. And I fell asleep.

When I woke up what felt like several lifetimes later, Mi2 was right there, staring into my eyes with a look of rueful pity, and was also slightly irritated as I shortly found out.

You poor bastard, lol, you actually looked in it's eyes?!

"Well, not really, just…"

Ha, not really, so just a glance into a wormhole of destiny… (over his shoulder to nobody: "Hey, Al, he only glanced, haha, let's pack it up and go home.")

Looking back at me, not smiling, I said to myself, "Kid, you really screwed up this time, didn't ya?" And punched myself in the face.

Harder than necessary. I was supposed to be getting out of jail today, I thought, shaking my head ruefully as I watched my lights go out. Smiling bleakly, like you do when you witness Murphy's Law in action and can't do a damn thing about it, I just sighed and swore and slapped myself in the face until I woke up.

I never was very smart, but it was pretty obvious we'd caught ourselves a big one. One actually worth dying for, it turned out.

I'm pretty sure I was screaming, but Mi2 bet money on it and swears I didn't, so if anyone was born before 2021, and can walk to a set of coordinates at a specific time and can hear me scream, run away as fast as you can. I also strongly recommend you do not touch or eat or smoke anything lying around… 

Oh, and watch out for the wormhole.

And don't touch my gold plated 790Z-X5.¹ space-time disruptor... Oh, wait that doesn't actually come out until yesterday.

Chapter 2



"Where am I? Who are you? & Where'd she go?" And who's quotes are these, anyway?!