Hearts of the Sea

Droplets of wet life sprinkle the top of my head, dancing against my natural strands of gold. Their presence sends chills through my body, my heart, and my soul. I cannot describe the feeling, the absolute sensation, they gifted me.

Though its cold grasp makes me shiver on this cloudy day, its memories give me an intangible warmth...how I long for that right now more than ever before.

The stormy sky rumbles, and between the patches of arctic blue pop out powerful crashes of snow white. Thunder almost trembles the ground, my ears ringing from the explosions of sound. But the interruptions in silence aid me.

Walking back inside my abode, I drop my sopping jacket to the earth-toned laminate. I’m too tired...that clothing can stay there for now. It doesn’t bother me; nothing else can top this.

I toss my bags onto the polished counter, the reflection bouncing back and mocking me. Their weight have taken a toll on me after today...such a strenuous day that my body nor my mind can wrap themselves around.

Dragging my feet, I barely make it to the living room to slump down into a chair. Though the fabric interior comforts me, the walls of my home mute nature’s voice... the silence brings pain... a pain I cannot escape.

I remember that day, a day so glorious I cannot remember fully.

But I remember all of the emotion... all of the fun... all of the fragmented memories that make me feel more alive than anything else has the power to.

On the beach, glistening in the golden sun, I was smiling and laughing with Mother. Millions of crystals, born of the earth, traveled between the crevices of my toes, tickling me as I sprinted up the coast.

Waves crashed against the shore, and I jerked my body to the side to avoid their touch. Now I see it as a silly pastime of many children who venture to the ocean’s edge, but at that point it was my entire world. Why can’t it be my world again right now?

Mother giggled as I played tag with the sea. Her smile glowed like the sun... that beautiful smile that always greeted me. And her laugh when I fell face-first into the saturated dunes.

It didn’t matter that I had the grandchildren of rock between my teeth; her warm laugh cured my temporary anger. Her laugh spread to me, and everything was okay.

Father was not there because... father was not anywhere... at least not on this plain. Three years prior to this glorious day, we had lost him to the big blue.

A worthy seafarer deserving of any boat in the world, and my heart, father went on a treacherous mission for his career... a mission that ended in tragedy. I remember the story they told us... and it hurts... truly hurts... in a way immeasurable... just remembering that fateful day.

A dark day, much like the one I face today, ruled the skies above my father. The ocean roared and crashed against his ship, and Father stumbled all over the deck, slipping and tripping as the mast began to split and crumble. In thousands of fragments, the ship appeared on the shore near out town.

All of the crew members were found...including Father... but not in a manner we had hoped. From him I was given his ring, containing a stone harvested from aquamarine, and Mother wanted me to have it. With the exception of moments apart to prevent tear, this ring hasn’t left my hand since.

Soon I grew tired playing tag with the water, and soon I found myself collapsed in the sand, taking long and heavy breaths of the fresh ocean air. I laughed with Mother as she looked down at me, genuinely happy to see me enjoying the day.

After clearing her throat, she softly said,

“My dear... my little princess of the sea... I want to tell you something... something very important your young ears must hear. Come, we can eat and chat.”

I skipped and galloped through the tropical water desert, orbiting around my mother as we progress toward the shops and restaurants inland. Mother’s beauty was of another realm, another world beyond ours. I mistook her for a goddess at my young age. Her peach complexion glistened in the light, and her blonde cut had an invigorating ambience of its own... it possessed its own life.

Seated by the ocean, I ravaged my hotdog while Mother picked at her salad, crisp and green. If it had been a larger abundance, our lunch could’ve been mistaken for an oasis.

Finally, she placed her fork down before saying,

“Darling... your ring... the beautiful one from Father... you have it with you, yes?”

With a mouthful of food, I gleefully nodded. I picked in my pocket and pulled out a small, velvet pouch. Pulling the strings apart, I stuffed some fingers inside to pull it out, revealing its perfection in the midday light.

The stone at the center spoke to the ocean, and the silver twirled like waves from dawn to dusk. I pressed the ring against my face, remembering Father’s hand caressing me.

Mother smiled and said,

“That ring has a clone... a twin... one that is the same.”

Lifting her hand, she reveals the other piece of jewelry in question, containing a stone of equal magnificence. I marveled at the ring, happily saying,

“I know, and I can’t believe how beautiful it is.”

Smiling, Mother looks at the ring and replies,

“And someday... this will be yours, too.”

“Huh?”

“Are you surprised? Who else in this entire world would I trust with such a valued possession? It would be you, my dear.”

“Why someday?”

“Because... because someday, I will be joining your father in a sea beyond this world... maybe not now... but someday... and I can’t bring you with me...”

“Oh...”

“I don’t say this to upset or scare you, my little sea princess. I want to prepare you for the profound impact that day will have. I want you to be ready to carry on until it is your time to finally join us.”

Removing the ring, Mother held it up to the light, admiring its aura before she continued.

“Like you protect your father’s ring, you shall have mine as well. They will be the hearts you carry... our hearts... to help you through every day that comes at you.”

She retuned the ring to its home on her hand before looking at me and saying,

“And know... that you will never truly be alone. You may feel it, especially on your worst days, but know that you aren’t. Remember that you aren’t. Know that you are loved, so immensely loved I cannot properly put it into words, and nothing in your path can halt you on your journey so long as you continue to carry that strength and power by your side.”

I smiled and replied,

“Someday, I’m going to be a sailor, just like Father! I swear it! The ocean will see me upon my own ship someday!”

Present day, I sit in the living room, holding onto my mother’s ring. The ring’s first home is now gone forever. I sit there, comforting the orphaned stone.

Sorrow...pure sorrow... was what finally did it. Mother tried her best to stay strong, but as her spirit broke down so did her body and mind. Losing the sailor of her dreams, was what inevitably changes our realities for a lifetime.

Her last words to me,

“Swim far and wide, my little sea princess. We will see you in time. Protect the hearts of the ocean. In this world and the next, know that I love you.”

The monitor haunts me with its electronic scream that followed, annihilating me with the crushing reality.

I placed both of the rings onto my fingers, and I grabbed a chair from the dining room.

Swinging in front of me is my end maker, and I stand above the floor, ready to wear it as my final garment.

I tip onto my toes, teetering on the brink of an irreversible act, and I am about to fall into the sea until I... hear a thud... from the kitchen. I stop. After climbing off of the chair, I walk through the living room to where I see what had fallen: a small, black book.

Its sheer darkness matched the deepest depths of the ocean, and its crisp pages matched the light that reigned above.

What was this book? I must know.

Picking it up, I look inside to see what final words my mother had to say, for my curiosity got the better of me.

Turning the pages, I am spooked by a piece of paper that pops out, fluttering to the floor.

Picking it up, I discover it is a check... a check for $20,000! Where... where did Mother get such money like this?!

I scan every page, trying to discover what reason there is for this little fortune being left behind.

Then the words that caught my eye:

“Dear Sedna, my little precious princess of the sea, this is what you must know.”

I fall into a chair nearby, continuing to read my mother’s delicate handwriting, her familiar loops and swirls comforting me during this unbearable moment of despair.

If you are reading this, then I have joined your father in the new sea he rules, and I know you are there alone.

I remember telling you this day would come, and as I saw you continuing to unravel up to this point, ironically, made me scared. I grew fearful not just of leaving, but leaving without when you needed me most. This will not change the new reality you must face, but I have left you a fortune, a small fortune I hope you can make use of now that I am no longer here.

Darling, I remember that day you told me your dream, the dream of you wanting to become a sailor just like father.

My wish is to see you live your dream, ruling the seas just like father. He performed such glorious feats in the big blue, and I know in my heart that you are capable of doing the same.

Everything has begun to blur, and I know my time nears. This evening, though incredibly weak, I MUST put these words to paper for my little sea princess.

In the darkness, I write this, because I want to see you do what YOU want to do with your time left on this beautiful earth, and whatever direction your own light will guide you. Conquer the world of water, and live that dream.

Though you are a goddess in your right as the great Sedna herself, you will always be my little sea princess.

With the love of a million worlds,

Mother

I am shocked to see the letters blur, for I had not noticed all of the tears I have spilled. Rushing to the side of the sink, I snatch a small towelette to dry the page.

These words, like the rings I now bear, must be protected at all costs. As I pick up the check off the floor, I notice light in my peripherals. The storm is beginning to break, and the sun begins to take over the sky again. Feeling the hearts my parents left, I take a deep breath.

With jacket back on and check in hand, I make my way out the front door. I cannot control the battle my parents lost... but I can control the battle I enter next.

With the hearts of the sea by my side, I will tackle the sea on my own, and someday I will join my parents in their sea someday to bask in glory once again.

Into the sea I go, beginning a journey of my own.