Battling the stars and what they say

Up there... above us the world in which we reside... look past every cloud and patch of sky. You will see those interstellar creations, these extraterrestrial masterpieces, carefully with every star... they tell each and every one of us a story.

Some say these stories are farces, lazy attempts at explaining the ways in which we behave. Others view them as a valid science and treat it as such, going beyond any suspicion or coincidence and answering many questions about what we do and who we are. I cannot speak for those having connections to any of the other constellations (of course, I could spend all day examining and critiquing zodiac memes), but I am here to speak of my own sign, Taurus, tell you what it means to me. My personality, my identity, my existence written in the stars above... I will explain all of it here... and the battle I face to this very day.

The sign of the bull... a solid and steady sign of the earth that lives among the cosmos, the Taurus zodiac carries with quite the reputation. Many are quick to point out one of its most notable traits, that being the stubbornness the bull carries. Others may touch upon the balance it brings, a testament to the signs of the zodiac’s like-minded siblings. There is so much to discuss and so few words to spare. I don’t intend to bare you down with every excruciating detail that my sign brings, but it’s best I do this justice. That being said, I want to cover some of the ways I align with the stars as well as address those I battle. Please join me on this journey with Taurus zodiac, and I will show you my story in the sky above. Perhaps I will begin with how the Taurus zodiac fits me, covering the areas that I can understand and... believe... truly believe. While there are many things I could possibly cover, I have no intention to wear you down with every single detail. Rather, I would love to devote these words to those that have impacted me most.

Keeping my world to myself is all I’ve ever known, and my introversion is something many people have come to understand about me. Part of it is… driven by fear... fear of not being accepted... fear of not being loved... fear of not being seen as one that is appreciated, or even acceptable. At times I truly desire being alone, and nothing wears me faster than a party or other social gathering. Like a true Taurus, I’m also truly introverted.

Loyalty... this means so much to me... more than I could ever put into words... that’s saying a lot considering how much I love to fill the space of a page. I remain closed to the rest of the world until someone has the patience to stick with me... once I open, I know I have found someone I truly care for, and not many things matter more to me than making them happy and being with them every step of the way. When I begin a connection, I don’t intend to stay for just days or weeks... not even months... but years... many glorious years together. Whether it be an important friend or a cherished significant other, I have every intention in seeing that relationship last and doing my part to make sure it does. Loyalty is of the bull, and loyalty is of me.

Steadiness... stability... continuity... and most importantly no surprises! My zodiac above is very fixed in nature, and I am the same. Life is full of surprises, and that is something I don’t like having to admit, because change is one of the hardest things for me. I do not do well with sudden shifts, and if change is a must I appreciate it being gradual. But life is not such... sigh. Advanced warning is always greatly appreciated, because it brings me a lot of comfort when I have a plan in place before anything occurs. If I could decide every moment of my life from beginning to end, I may very well consider the offer, because not many things sound more distasteful than a surprise I didn’t see coming. Slow, steady, and taking one’s time to finish the race... this is what I wish for most, so much so I could’ve been mistaken for a turtle or tortoise instead of the mighty bull. I treasure harmony, and not even other zodiacs can change that.

Sensation... from the aromas that bless our lands to the soft and gentle caress of a hand, the senses are something I highly consider in both my relationships as well as everyday happenings. A beautifully composed piece of music to fill my years? Of course! The pleasant scents of freshly baked bread and picked bouquets? Absolutely! The playful hug of a friend or sensual touch of a lover? I couldn’t live without it! The tart taste of fruit accompanied by a chocolatey coat? Count me in! A sunset or carefully crafted piece of art? It’s the small things that mean so much in my life! All of these play a huge role in my life, and they connect to our earth in a manner that’s almost... ethereal... of another world... one I’m happy that’s in this one.

Creation... something so beautiful and precious that I am honored to hold in my crafty hands. From the heavily detailed drawing to the piece of newly assembled furniture, I love creating things. As I write this my mid is bursting at the seams from more ideas I want to bring to life, and the only fact that really bugs me is that there aren’t more hours in the day to bring every dream, big and small, into existence in our plain. Another book, another song, another plant to be gifted the natural resources of our earth... anything you can name that requires instructions and or imagination, is something I will seriously consider endeavoring.

Sometimes I spend hours at a time, mulling about the idea of becoming a father... something I truly hope to have the pleasure... the honor... the gift... of being someday. In a profession where I work with children on the daily, I think about not just the kind of parent I could be, but also the parent I want to be for the children I will have someday. Someone to nurture and cherish, raising them to be amazing people of their own... that is the goal I have, and it’s one I hope to someday have with the ones I love.

The characteristic most famous, or infamous, my zodiac carries... the stubbornness of the bull itself... oh yes that is me, and in manners both helpful and harmful to me. The harmful... it has prevented me from fully recovering from a past full of trauma... of a pain that clings to my very being and has defined me in ways I wish it hadn’t... and my hard headedness has made the healing process impossible. I hope someday I can forgive myself for the things I couldn't control, and I will learn to be more willing to listen to others and what they have to say.

Stubbornness, however, hasn’t been purely a negative experience, but one that has also yielded good for me... and that I cannot be more grateful more. Many a time I found myself in situations where many would have already given up, but I wasn’t willing to. Whether it was a difficult task at work, or even an art piece that tormented me... nothing has been able to stop me and make me quit, and it has further fortified my resilience in every action I carry through. Though my bull headed persona has left me to burn in hot water, it inevitably is always there to soothe the sensation that shakes me... and I am able to carry on.

Though many of the biggest characteristics that have defined the Taurus for what it is, there are some I have come to question my reliance on the constellations and the stories they tell. Not everything the Taurus zodiac stands for resonates with me, and I have come to learn that perhaps my sign isn't as fully aligned with me as I had originally thought it was.

Luxury... an idea that is almost foreign to me. Many are quick to assume that because of my sign, I must without a doubt only accept the best of the best, from the carefully crafted wines and gourmet food to the aesthetically pleasing masterpieces that tell stories of their own, I am in no need of the best of the best... it’s not something I particularly crave. While I do care for quality, I do believe there is a line to be crossed into luxury territory. I don’t wish to have a mansion too big for my family, but rather a simple home with a roof over our heads. While my senses are always pleased by something appealing, they are not necessary and quite frankly not something particularly desired.

Competition... success above and beyond I come toe to toe with... I don’t desire to be on top and above others, but rather equal. The bull may be aggressive, but if anything I am more in touch with my celestial sibling Venus; I care far more for love. Though I do wish to be able to provide for myself and those that I love, I have no need to above others who are simply striving to do the same. Rather, I would like to work alongside others, for I believe love always wins. I wish to someday be successful in my own light, and not so much be above or ahead of others. The bull may wish to be on top, but I would rather be slow and steady to win the race.

Laid back... down to earth... I always go back and forth with this, because sometimes I wonder if my upbringing and circumstances, along with all of my reactions to them, have really defined myself as being assimilated to the Taurus zodiac. If anything, I am very high-strung, always on the edge of my seat, and wondering what will happen next. Though I may appreciate stability and balance, I always find myself feeling the opposite and lacking thereof.

Bullying… abuse... times of hardship I am still recovering from to this day... I am always expecting the worst to happen next, and I don’t think this speaks to my astrology. Many of the people I treasure most have spoken to me, telling me my fear are merely children of my troubling past, and are breeding a new uncertainty that may become my future.

I think a lot about how I can never calm down, never come to terms with my inner demons, never able to find peace... but it's something I deeply desire. I want to be able to live and let live for at least half of the days that I rise, and I hope that someday I can come to terms to everything I have endured and not allow it to define or take up any more of my time as it has. Right now I do not align with this star... but maybe someday I will.

Strength... an intangible thing I have never been able to truly grasp. I have had a handful of friends and family give testaments to the strength I possess. But in all honesty I have never felt more weak than I do right now. Every day I wake up... so tired... tired of giving my all... sometimes tired of waking up... some many times I have wanted to throw the towel in. Never in my life has the idea of strength or resilience ever crossed my hand. Frankly, I have an easier time envisioning other bulls walk all over me. I would like to think that someday I can feel better for the things I have done... for reporting those that tormented me, or telling the world of the abuse I endured behind the walls of home, and many years of abuse thereafter from my own mind. Maybe someday I will have the strength, and someday I will run alongside all of the other bulls.

Every day I battle with myself... every single day. My characteristics clash against the stars under the moon, and I am left hurtling through space, wondering when will I ever find my orbit or alignment that gives me my place in this universe. Sometimes I search for a comet, a shooting star to wish upon, hoping that I will soon be released from this eternal freefall. I look at the stars align, creating the sign of Taurus that creates and guides me. Whether the subject matter of the stars is a falsehood or a true science, they have undoubtedly revealed much about myself, aiding me in my soul search across the cosmos.

Someday I may finally rest with the earth my sign from which is born, and someday I will charge through the fields like every other bull, having the utmost faith in myself and the things I do. Though I struggle many days under the night sky that encloses me in darkness, I look for that little bit of light to show me the way.

Batting the stars and what they say... that is what I do every single day. Maybe my destiny is written in the sky above. Nevertheless, I am ready for the journey that will bring.