Can AI help me get it right

Not being a professor of literature or otherwise a poetry expert, I sometimes struggle when writing poetry to get it right. By this I mean to get the structure and style right, particularly with formal and traditional kinds of verse. And sometimes I just can’t think of the words.

When I started to write a poem, yesterday, inspired by a painting depicting the mythical story of Selene and Endymion, I soon started to drift into an iambic pentameter: tee-tum tee-tum te-tum... From there I kind of ended up with something approaching a Sonnet. I don't know a great deal about sonnets and so, having written one, I then struggled to knock it into shape.

After playing around with different word choices, I still found it hard to get the meter right. Wouldn't it be great, I thought, to be able to ask a friend to help. Problem is, I don't have any friends who are into poetry, other than those in the Vocal and other online communities I inhabit. Then again...

What about my AI friend?

Why not? Why not ask a generative, natural language computer program to help? I use spell-check, I use word processing software, I use Wikipedia, online dictionary/thesauruses, I even use Google Maps to help find my way. Why not use Google's AI package, Gemini, to help?

Sure, I know a lot of people are uneasy about use of so called artificial intelligence and this is something we all have to navigate. The technology is here to stay and cannot be ignored.

Enough of the (getting a little boring) AI debate, how did I use Gemini to help improve my poem?

This was simplicity itself. All I did was come up with a request string ("Provide a critique of the folloeing sonnet with suggestions gor improvement") and feed it in with the text of my poem. You will note that I have retained the typographical errors for the sake of accuracy of reporting.

Here is the unedited, incomplete poem I have written and intend to use as an entry to a competitive prize challenge, once I am done with it.

Selene thou dost admire me in my sleep

Your gaze upon me from beyond my dreams

Your love for me in truth is ever deep

Through dedication never to decline

Each night you hold me close in your enthral

My sleeping form you cradle in your glow

Boundless full repose you own my all xx

Your plea to Zeus affirmed doth hold me so

But have you ever thought of how I yearn

For wakeful day to wander hill and vale

To shepherd flock at graze my wage to earn

To sup and drink and rest atop a hill

As long as I am captive in my sleep

I am your worldly prisoner dungeon deep

What do you think? As I say, this is an incomplete work, with some place-marking syllables and words/lines in need of improvement. At this stage it tells the story I want to tell, it just lacks a little lyric and literary finesse. Can I use Gemini to help me improve my work?

I have reproduced the Gemini response to my request in full below, unedited, other than formatting. I hope that, if you read it, you will find it instructive. Bear in mind that AI lacks heart. For this reason you are a better poet than AI can ever be. Then why bother? Sometimes it helps to look at a problem from a different angle. Even if the critique is wooden and just goes through the motions, it may help get you thinking. But make sure your poem remains your own work by using your own judgment when it comes to deciding what AI 'advice' to accept and what to reject.

Why not give the AI critique approach a go yourself?

Did I take AI's advice? You will have to read my finished poem in full to find out. Here it is:

Release me from your gaze

Gemini response

The following text is AI generated

AI Overview

This sonnet tells the story of Endymion's perpetual sleep, watched over by the moon goddess Selene, but yearning for a mortal's life. It has a strong narrative and clear imagery. Here is a critique with suggestions for improvement:

Critique

The sonnet effectively conveys the conflict between Selene's love and Endymion's desire for a normal, mortal life. The language is generally clear and the theme is consistent.

Strengths:

• Strong Storytelling: The poem clearly communicates the myth of Selene and Endymion.
• Clear Imagery: Phrases like "cradle in your glow" and "wander hill and vale" create vivid pictures.
• Effective Turn (Volta): The shift at "But have you ever thought..." effectively introduces Endymion's perspective and the central conflict.

Areas for Improvement:

• Meter and Rhythm (Iambic Pentameter): The most significant area for improvement is the consistency of the meter. Traditional sonnets use iambic pentameter (ten syllables per line, alternating unstressed and stressed, da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM). Many lines in this sonnet deviate from this pattern, which can make the rhythm feel uneven.
• Rhyme Scheme: The sonnet follows an abab cdcd efef gg rhyme scheme (Shakespearean), which is appropriate. However, some rhymes are weak or forced (e.g., "enthrall" and "all" are slant rhymes, "deep" and "sleep" are good rhymes but used in a slightly repetitive way).
• Word Choice and Clichés: Some phrasing is a bit cliché ("dungeon deep," "hill and vale").
• Clarity and Flow: Certain lines could be smoother. For example, "Boundless full repose you own my all xx" is slightly awkward in its phrasing and has extraneous characters ("xx"). "Your plea to Zeus affirmed doth hold me so" is a bit archaic and clunky.

Suggestions for Improvement

Here are some specific suggestions to enhance the sonnet's flow, meter, and impact:

1. Refine the Meter and Phrasing

Focus on making each line ten syllables and following the da-DUM rhythm.

Line 1: "Selene thou dost admire me in my sleep" (9 syllables)

Suggestion: "Selene, how you watch me in my sleep" (10 syllables) or "Selene, you admire me in my sleep"

Line 5: "Each night you hold me close in your enthral" (10 syllables, but meter is off)

Suggestion: "Each night you hold me fast within your thrall"

Line 7: "Boundless full repose you own my all xx" (9 syllables + "xx")

Suggestion: "In boundless, full repose, you own me all" or "In endless, deep repose, you own me all"

Line 8: "Your plea to Zeus affirmed doth hold me so" (10 syllables, but clunky)

Suggestion: "Your wish, by Zeus affirmed, now holds me so"

Line 12: "To sup and drink and rest atop a hill" (10 syllables, meter a bit flat)

Suggestion: "To eat and drink and rest upon a hill"

2. Strengthen Word Choice and Avoid Clichés

"Dungeon deep" is a common phrase. "Boundless, full repose" is a bit abstract. Aim for more original and evocative language.

Consider using more active verbs to make the descriptions more dynamic.

3. Improve the Conclusion (Couplet)

The final two lines should provide a strong, memorable summary or twist. They currently feel a bit redundant with the rest of the poem.

Current:

• As long as I am captive in my sleep
• I am your worldly prisoner dungeon deep

Suggestion: Focus on the paradox of being free in life but imprisoned by love/immortality.

• My freedom lost, my mortal days now cease,
• A living captive in a loveless peace. (example)

Revised Version (Example)

Here is an example of how the sonnet might look with some of these suggestions incorporated, focusing on meter and flow:

Selene, you admire me in my sleep,

Your gaze upon me from beyond my dreams,

Your love for me, in truth, is ever deep,

Through dedication that no sorrow deems.

Each night you hold me captive in your thrall,

My sleeping form you cradle in your glow;

In endless, deep repose, you own me all,

Your plea to Zeus affirmed doth hold me so.

But have you ever thought of how I yearn

For wakeful day to wander hill and vale,

To shepherd flock at graze, my wage to earn,

To sup and drink, to breathe the morning gale?

My mortal form lies trapped in slumber deep,

A willing prisoner you forever keep.

End of AI generated text