Astronaughty

My name is Harper.

I’m a stripper at a nightclub that floats through space. We started building those in 2137.

A hundred years later, and they’re a staple of the world economy.

I was one of the top earning strippers here, but that’s only because of my upgrades.

I had hardwired my legs to be more flexible, and made my breasts retractable so I could look like a male or female to satisfy any clientele.

I also had a vagenis installed. That part can morph into a vagina or a penis. I could keep anybody happy.

My stage name is Astronaughty. I tell my customers in the club I’m the naughtiest astronaut around.

Tonight was a special night. We had wealthy customers flying in from all over the world.

My goal was to satisfy at least three. Hopefully one would tip me big.

I waited in the club area for the customers to arrive.

One by one, they showed up.

When the club was full, I decided it was my turn to dance on the polls. I got up on stage and the DJ introduced me and played sexy music.

I walked up to the poll on stage and started dancing. I gyrated my hips, moved up and down, spun around the poll and licked my lips a lot. And that was before throwing my bra into a group of horny men.

Usually somebody would hire me for a private dance after my set.

Tonight, two men asked for me. I started with the one in the corner booth.

I told him it was 100 Sabinos for a three minute lap dance.

“Pricey, but worth it,” he said and handed me 500 Sabinos.

“Thanks, daddy,” I responded and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

I was about to sit in his lap and start dancing when men came bursting in through the glass ceiling, in military clothing wearing balaclavas.

The air began to escape and people were screaming before the emergency walls closed and covered the area where the glass used to be.

“Nobody move. Who’s the manager here,” one of them shouted.

“I am. Please don’t hurt anyone,” Elijah said.

The man who was shouting in the balaclava shot someone in the head. Everyone screamed as the man fell to the ground, blood pooling around his head.

“Now you know how serious we are. Anybody tries to be a hero, and you die. Take us to your safe. Empty it out,” the man shouted.

“Of course,” Elijah said. He took them to the safe and unlocked it.

They packed up the money then the leader shot Elijah.

“No, you bastards,” I screamed. Elijah was more than a manager, he was a friend.

“You’re coming with us,” the leader said and ran up to me. I turned to run but he grabbed my hair.

I tried to use my hair to whip myself free but it was useless.

He pulled me to the ground and dragged me to the metal doors that had closed. He put on a breathing mask and spoke into a walkie talkie and said “open the doors now.”

There was an explosion and a hole was blown in the metal door and again the air started leaking out.

Ropes were thrown into the hole and they grabbed on and were lifted up, the leader never letting go of my hair.

I couldn’t breathe once I was dragged through the hole and into space, and tried holding my breath.

I almost passed out but we finally reached their escape ship. I could breathe again at least.

The leader let go of my hair but shoved me into a chair.

“Why?” I asked, crying.

“Oh, don’t worry. Don’t think of yourself as a hostage, think of yourself as our entertainment. We got all the money in the world to pay you now, too!” The man said and his whole crew laughed.

“I don’t want to entertain you. You’re robbers and murderers. You killed my friend,” I said, tears still dripping down my face.

“You don’t have a choice. We’ll make you entertain us,” the leader said.

“So, I am a hostage,” I said.

He smiled creepily.

I crossed my arms.

He came over and slapped me. Then he grabbed my legs and forced them open.

He put his hand on my privates without asking.

That was a mistake.

“Vagenis, activate sharp penis mode…” I said. My vagenis morphed into a knife like penis, which I rammed through his hand.

“What the hell, lady? What the hell is a vagenis?”

“Non of your business. And never touch anyone without their permission,” I said and smiled.

“Fine. I’m sorry lady. Just let me go. Make your vagenis let me go,” he screamed.

“My name is Astronaughty and don't you forget it, jackass. And why, so you can shoot me just like you shot Elijah and the other customer at the club? I don’t think so. Breasts, activate sharp nipple mode,” I said. My nipples turned to knives. I grabbed the man’s head and rammed one of my knife nipples through his brain, killing him instantly.

“Captain Jack, no….” One of the men shouted and they all pointed guns at me.

“Breasts, activate pepper spray milk,” I said.

My breasts shot milk filled with pepper spray into their eyes before they could get a shot off.

They covered their eyes and screamed in agony.

“You bitch, how could you do this to us?” One of them shouted.

“You must be joking? After what you did?” I asked.

After laughing and spitting on the men, I asked “which one of you knows how to fly this thing?”

“I do,” one of the men said.

“Good, I’ll tie you up first,” I said.

“Then who’s going to land the ship for you?” He asked.

“Oh, my goal isn’t to land the ship. My goal is to kill you all and make it look like an accident,” I said.

“I don’t understand,” he said, eyes still watering from the pepper spray milk.

I kicked him hard in the nuts.

Nobody spoke after that.

I tied them all into the chairs at the front of their ship, so they could watch as it crashed.

Then I programmed the autopilot to land in the mountains of planet Gazellion. Nobody survives a landing in those mountains.

Before auto pilot kicked in, I flew the ship over the strip club again, programmed autopilot to leave in two minutes, threw a rope to the now sealed hole, and climbed down.

I knocked on the pilots window and he was nice enough to let me in before my air ran out.

I explained what I did to the pilot and we followed the robbers ship to watch it crash into the mountains.

I smiled.

Now that that was over, it was time to entertain another paying guest.

Astronaughty, out!