A Muse to the Stars

In one of me, there are three. I am the one that everyone takes a step back from once they realize what I am; I am the one that stings, the one that makes you feel. I, am the Scorpio.

I do not need the world to know me, and so I do not scream and shout; but once the world sees me, they cannot help but stare. I am different. I carry myself differently, I dress different, I think differently. It is difficult to not notice me. And yet, how many times have I confessed to those who have known me for years that I suffer from life long depression, only to leave them aghast in absolute disbelief? I don’t mind showing the truth; I am not afraid of me. However, I am very aware that not many want to know the truth. So if they don’t ask, I won’t tell; why would I give myself to someone who doesn’t really care? No, a mask is my friend, and I wear it not to hide, but to protect you from some of your worst fears and greatest discomforts. I welcome these things. I call them my teachers; but they are also what holds me back, keeps me withdrawn and incapable of becoming everything that I could be. This part of me comes from the Grey Lizard, one of the three totems of the Scorpio—the only Zodiac to be assigned more than one.

I am finding that the Eagle in me is learning how to fly. She is testing her boundaries, but is also beginning to recognize that she has gone to war many times, and every time, lead the way through battle and come out the victor. (I must return to speaking about this self as “I,” but have left this error to show the growth.) I would give to those I love until there was nothing left of me to give; I have offered my body to carry another’s baby, and the thought of doing so fills me with a joy that is unobtainable by other things “of value.” The Scorpion in me most often stings myself, so as not to cause pain upon another; but when it does reach out, just a few mere words can cut like the tri-dagger, war weapon of hell. Those wounds may bleed for an eternity, for the knife has been sharpened with truth that is difficult for most to accept.

If eyes are windows to the soul, mine are lined with mirrors and beacons; for if someone should happen to meet my gaze, it is the same as teleportation: with one look, I can take you to places you have never been. Steaks of copper highlight them when touched by the sun. I am nothing extraordinary; but I look like I could belong anywhere, with a fair complexion of a yellow and olive that is so translucent, that the shadows of veins beneath my skin are clearly visible in my chest and along my arms. I am the only thing that I have control over, but that I will do so vigorously; my smiles tell stories, and if there should be a moment when unwanted tears appear, I bite at my tongue to push them back in their place. I only reveal myself when I am ready. I am mysterious; I am a magnet.

I live by the truth, and respect it completely; though that does not mean that I have never lied. I will carry the burden of shame for those moments for all of time. And because I value truth so greatly, I do not shy away from giving it– to myself, or to others– despite the pain that it may produce. So do not ask something if the truth will not satisfy you. Because of this, I know myself better than I know anyone else, and better than anyone will ever know me. I am modest and humble with the traits that make me a good person, and can accept the ones that show my darker side; however dark, I can always overcome my challenges, if I really want to. In other words, if there is something I truly want, there is nothing stopping me from having it.

I love greatness in everything. I am pleased to find it in me, but I am just as pleased to find it in others, and I crave for the success of others as I crave for it myself. I believe there is something wonderful waiting inside every single one of us, and that if we all reached out for our true selves, the world would still continue to rotate in harmony and balance. I have my doubts; but I also have my hopes. I love to see people happy, and I love when they are able to chase that happiness, and yes, if I can help them in any way, I will. Often, it is my words that do the most.

Ruled by Pluto, I am backed by a strong force, and I take this power with me whichever way I end up going. Pluto’s symbol is the Phoenix, and as it goes, I am familiar with the cyclical nature of all life. I have willed myself to live after my will nearly gave up and left me for dead, so rising myself from the flames and the ashes. I understand that an ending is also a beginning, and am unafraid of death. Afraid of the pain that death may bring due to attachments, yes—but of death itself, no. Philosophy intrigues me, as questions are my favorite things to ponder; diving deep is something I do on the regular, and I pity those who never wade beyond the shallows. I believe that everything has meaning, and can read dreams like a compass. Passion, it is true, is my sharpest weapon, my truest friend. We are very fond of one another, Passion and I, and we like to keep each other company as often as we can. If passion is alive, then all about me can thrive.

I am powerfully empathetic and intuitive, and I rely on them, have been hurt by them, and have found myself to be at their mercy. They are so much of what shapes the person that I am. I have been called Snow White and “The Camel Whisperer” because of my ability to easily connect with creatures in a way that often takes time and patience. I have such a soft spot for those who suffer from a mental illness, and my heart finds the innocence and the beauty in what others may call a flaw. We are who we are because of what we are; often times, it is a gift.

Born on the sixteenth, I am through and through a true Scorpio, embodying all of the attributes that make us who we are. I am the Scorpion; I have been the Lizard; but I am choosing to fly. I decide my own destiny.