A Lonely Future

It’s the year ‘2050’ and I never thought I would get this far. My transition has gone from a gel. To injections. To this strange patch thing they invented. One that makes things interesting slash uncomfortable. It costs a lot more than the injections had ever cost me. But what can you expect without insurance?

It wasn’t like I wanted to not have insurance. Even though I’m fifty-eight years old, I still don’t qualify for the insurance of today. Nor did I qualify for it back when I was young. Funny how that happens. No matter how much I work today, I still don’t qualify for it. Today I probably make as much money as I did then. Unlike then, I don’t have my mother or brother with me. My mother having died last year thanks to a strain of covid-19. Something that could have been avoided if people had taken proper precautions. If, I had been able to wear a mask at work without being harassed by people demanding to know if I had it or not.

If management…

I can’t think of that. It hurts too much to think of the fact that she’s gone. Just like thinking that my brother is gone hurts. But unlike mom, he’s alive. Just no longer living with me. As we couldn’t stand to be near each other after the funeral. Him blaming me for mom’s death. Me being angry that he couldn’t shut up about it at her funeral. Things weren’t great and he packed up his stuff and left. It’s sad to say that I’m glad we didn’t have any pets. Otherwise, I would have to pay more for their food and care.

Pet food has gone up considerably since I was thirty. An eighteen-pound bag of cat food that was twenty bucks or so back then. Is around fifty dollars today. And it wasn’t even all that high grade quality of food either. It pisses me off. Just like trying to find time to write or do anything has been difficult. Lately, I’ve been working and working. Sleeping a little here and there. Maybe getting to eat when I have time. And I find myself wishing that it would help me lose weight. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. I may have even gained more weight. Either way, I was grateful that my pets have died years ago. That way they wouldn’t have to be rehomed to better homes that could take better care of them.

To people that can take better care of them than I can.

Sure, I’m alone in this house with nothing to do. Or rather there’s just not enough time for me to do much of anything. Even on my days off, I’m just cleaning the house. Doing laundry. And washing the dishes that I have. Sure, there isn’t a lot. But it still eats up a good portion of my time. Along with the laundry. Taking out the trash. And cleaning up the whole house from top to bottom. Even a small place like this needs to be cleaned deeply. It’s a plain life that I haven’t expected to slowly despise as I get older. Things were easier and simpler when mom was around. When my younger brother was around, too. Something that I hadn’t anticipated as the months went by. Now as I sit on my bed that’s still on the floor, I sigh. Looking at the small meal that I had made for myself as I sat there. Softly, I muttered,”Twenty-six years of being in this effing town.”

“Twenty-six years and I still don’t have a bed frame or…anything.”,I grumbled. Hating how even despite all these years. I couldn’t get myself a decent bed frame. Or even really get me much of anything. All my money either went towards bills or the rent. As well as the testosterone patches that I’ve been wearing for about five years now. Luckily, luckily doesn’t need to be changed for at least six to seven months. Seven if I’m careful with the soap that I use. It hasn’t been a great time living on my own. And as much as I want a roommate, I am still not sure how to go about getting myself one. Especially in this day and age. Where I’m still not sure how to navigate the new social media platforms. Or if I’m doing it right at all.

And I’m probably not.

It’s like being in one of those cartoons from when I was a kid. Well, more like being on an episode of 'The Simpsons'. During their future episodes. Those were so far-fetched as both a kid and an adult that I almost dismissed them. Nowadays I feel they were a little more insightful than I anticipated they were going to be. Like food prices going up so much. How Google had taken over. And then there’s the whole thing with Trump. Someone that I don’t feel comfortable with talking about too much. Even though he’s been dead for so long. It still feels like a bad omen talking about that bastard. Like he was some form of devil that would spring up the moment that his name was said aloud. Maybe thrice in succession like Beetlejuice. But unlike Beetlejuice, he wouldn’t be wanted by me.

Or most Americans anymore.

“Stop thinking that way, you moron. You’re just going to think yourself into another damn headache. And we ain’t got anything for that right now.”,I scolded myself. Pain medication has become a luxury nowadays. To the point that it was rare that I had it. They’d gone up so much and I couldn’t help but not buy any unless it were for desperate reasons. And I can’t allow myself to overthink any of those reasons. Calmly, I picked at the small chicken breast that I had bought a week ago. Which also went up in price. Three chicken breasts cost me around $11. Something that could have cost me a whole lot less when I was thirty. Things weren’t really that affordable when I was thirty. But at least they weren’t this expensive. As I ate my simple meal, I leaned back against the wall that my bed was pushed against. Wishing that I had my mom to talk to. Wishing that I had anyone to talk to. Even my younger brother. All I was, was alone. And I was determined to make the best of it as I ate my meager meal. Hoping that next year will be better.