A Journey to Evolution

It wasn’t something I did often but I found myself eyes glued to the flat screen. I wasn't super into television but today I enjoyed Big Cat Tales on Hulu as I watched lions roam across the National Reserve in Kenya. Their warm golden coats fascinated me. The structure of their bones, the playfulness of their paws, and long manes were beautiful. There was something about their walk— majestic. I truly admired the cat family in general and seemed to have always had one as a pet since I was a baby girl. Cats were protective, fighters, and dominant. They had an arrogance that gave off “I am more important than you,” and seemed to always be busy in their own world, intimidating the masses but still extremely soft and enticing to rub. My uncle described them as those you have to earn their love— as opposed to dogs who almost immediately run to and love on anyone. 

I don’t recall when I got into astrology. It may have been a close friend of mine who at the time took an interest and when I heard how accurate some of her information was, I followed suit with learning more, picking it up, and using it sometimes as hope and guidance or entertainment. On the other hand, it could’ve been my inner Leo; so fascinated and wrapped up in myself, I began to Yahoo and Google search more about my date and time of birth— just to clarify what I already knew, of course.

Since I was younger, I would find joy in searching and reading through my characteristics. I did it quite often actually which is odd because it's not like anything would ever change. I knew I would always find the same traits no matter how often, where I searched, or what books I read. I was never surprised when I found not-so-pleasant traits like attention needing, know-it-all, stubbornness, egotistic, self-centered, and emotional. While all of these I would easily point out as valid during my 25 years of living, I secretly hated it. My negative traits were so internally overwhelming and problematic, to say the least, and though I was still admired by many, it ate me up inside that I had no power over who I was innately due to being born on the 7th of August. I wanted to be more emotionally detached like an Aquarius or logical like an Earth sign, but I was ruled by the heart. My feelings were constantly intensified, I still question if feeling them is necessary. If it wasn’t for my Capricorn moon grounding me to some extent, I’d be a mess!

I always kept it simple by studying my sun and moon sign only. My rising? Yes, but rarely. It could simply just be the laziness of my true Leo self not feeling up to studying and memorizing the entire charts. Honestly, it was just too much to make sense of out. And I am certain that anything can be justified. I was afraid I’d start making sense of things that may or may not be truthful. I never wanted to take it “overboard” because I was comfortable with the level of astrology I believed in. I looked on the same websites and received horoscope notifications to my iPhone from my favorite apps only— Co-Star, The Patten, and Sanctuary. 

I've met plenty of Leo women who were also blunt, moody, prideful, opinionated, and aggressive while also remaining loyal, eye-catching, popular, determined, super ambitious, generous, confident, and fun. After all, we are fire signs, the Kings of the zodiac. Who wouldn't be proud of that? If you search any astrology site this is consistently what you’ll find. This leads me to question. Do we have control over who we are, the way we handle situations, and how they make us feel? It is clear that the dates and times of birth consistently show us how we behave. It always matches up across the board showing similarities between many different people, ages, and backgrounds.

It was my Senior year of High School when I came to the realization my negative traits had consumed me. One of my peers complained about my bluntness and jokingly aggressive behavior in front of everyone in my English class. My whole body froze up, I don’t even recall my response. I was put on the spot. Knowing that everyone in the class could have been possibly feeling the same way about me was worrying. Not only did I care what others think of me, of course, but I also hated to be embarrassed! As a Leo, oftentimes we can dish it but certainly can’t take it. It was at that moment that I knew I needed to make a consistent effort to tone down my ways so I wouldn’t offend or harm anyone. After all, If I am carelessly offensive, how can others truly love me? Regardless of the bad traits Leos carry around as labels, my innate confidence always allowed me to believe I was great and my desire for attention was just a poor way of expressing I wanted others to value, like, appreciate and admire me. Glancing back in my past, there were more of these self-realization moments but my stubborn personality presumably overlooked it. 

One thing about Leos is that we are natural-born leaders. We hate feeling inferior and have the confidence that ensures we can dominate anything we set out to do. I did not doubt that by acknowledging how my personality was offending others, I could fix it by being more mindful of what I say— while still staying true to myself. This is what we call and the evolved Leo. While this can be rewarding, it puts a lot of pressure on us to be our best. We are dead set on achieving a task and will go nonstop to great lengths to do whatever to acquire our desired outcome. Self-inflicted pressure— I like to say being a Leo is too much pressure.

Even though I am certain my personality and sense of self matches my sun sign, there have been periods of my life I didn't feel as much of a Leo as I'd like to. The pressure I place on myself sometimes gets overwhelming. It leads me to question the things I do, the actions I take and the effect I have on others. During my evolution process, I am frquently tested time and time again. I have learned life is a journey that will be filled with many ups, downs, and arounds. You may not always feel as confident as a Leo, as patient as a Taurus, as courageous as an Aries or as passionate as a Scoripio; but trying to change who you are innately will make you a stranger to yourself-- a very lonely feeling. The key is being aware and mindful to bring you closer to your best self.

My personality led me to work for myself. Through the trials and tribulations of being a business owner, I still persevere. As any small business owner, I have been knocked down, challenged, and felt defeated numerous times but my fight remains. I tell myself every day that I will overcome just like I resiliently overcome life’s challenges time and time again. In the grand scheme of things, it allows me to display my leadership qualities, teach and delegate to others, employ individuals so they can take care of their families, but most importantly, inspire them to be their best selves. To study their skills and shower them with the encouragement they deserve. To work to understand, develop and assist them while they correct their behaviors for better working, school, and living environments.

Despite our zodiac sign, the greatest trait any of us can possess or aspire to have is being evolved and self- aware. While we all may have a few less than ideal traits we can’t seem to shake easily, we can always look to perceive them in a more efficient light by being mindful and channeling them productively to better coexist through being more understanding, loving and compassion amongst each other. Yes I’m aggressive but it’s because I am diligent and results oriented. I may be self centered but it allows me to continuously pinpoint my errors and grow. The opinions of others who I value allow me to check in with myself when my behaviors are off track and not aligned with whats condusive to my being. Even being opinionated, drives my desire to learn and speak the truth of the world. Balance is key, or maybe I’ve picked that up from my Libra rising. While I don’t get excited when I’m labeled by my negative traits, the importance is that I continue working on accepting and improving myself. I must continue to truly love myself and nurture the relationship I have for the sake of this beautiful journey called life.