Who falls asleep first after sex, man or woman?

As an innate human trait, both eating and sex follow a sequence of "Preparation, action, and aftermath" Take eating as an example: Waking up from hunger in the middle of the night, You rush to the kitchen to cook and eat, but afterward, the oily dishes await your cleanup—a necessary yet tedious task.



Similarly, the aftermath of sex is more complex than washing dishes. Beyond the physical acts of discarding condoms, cleaning up, and changing bed linens, emotional and psychological communication is crucial. Men, in particular, have more etiquette to consider: "Don't light a cigarette immediately after sex; it makes you look like a whoremaster" and "Don't get dressed and leave right away." Such advice abounds. Some even emphasize that men should not fall asleep immediately but should listen to what women have to say. In contrast, women's post-sex etiquette is simpler: "Don't cling to your partner after sex; Understand that they may already be exhausted.; understand that they may be exhausted." From a female perspective, while a perfect sexual experience is desirable, persistent clinginess afterward is highly undesirable.



**Post-Coital Differences Between Men and Women**



The greatest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when a man is eager to fall asleep while a woman wants to talk. How should one handle this "post-coital" situation with the right attitude? Scientists offer their insights.



In 1979, James Halpern and Mark Sherman proposed that the post-coital time interval (PCTI) is a crucial period for couples to strengthen their emotional bond. The shorter this interval—such as turning over and falling asleep—the greater the potential damage to the relationship.



The differing attitudes of men and women toward this period may stem from their respective reproductive strategies. For men, who historically seek multiple partners, the drive to avoid commitment persists even within monogamous relationships. This manifests post-sex as a reluctance to engage in conversation or affectionate banter, opting instead for sleep. Women, on the other hand, given their limited reproductive window, are more selective in choosing lifelong partners. Post-sex, they are more likely to initiate conversation to foster a lasting bond.



**Bold Hypotheses, Cautious Testing**



Despite these theories, Daniel Kruger, a professor at the University of Michigan School of Public Health, sought to verify them. He surveyed undergraduate students from two universities via anonymous online questionnaires, collecting 456 valid responses. After excluding those with no sexual experience or same-sex preferences, Kruger analyzed the remaining data.



He found that individuals whose partners fell asleep first consistently exhibited a greater desire for emotional connection. In the survey on who fell asleep first, responses ranged from 1 (usually me) to 5 (usually my partner). Both men and women averaged around 3.0, indicating no widespread pattern of men falling asleep immediately after sex.



In a separate survey on sleep habits without sexual activity, women reported an average of 3.01, while men surprisingly averaged 3.31, suggesting women were more likely to fall asleep first. Kruger explained that men's deep-seated insecurity drives them to ensure their partner is asleep before they themselves can rest, a vestige of an evolutionary "guarding instinct."



Kruger concluded that post-coital behavior reveals relationship attitudes. While his study did not confirm the expectation that men sleep faster, he suggested either the study's limitations or a potential misinterpretation of male behavior. He also noted that men's greater physical exertion and oxytocin's sedative effects post-orgasm contribute to sleepiness. He advised women to be understanding if their partners grow drowsy and encouraged men to stay engaged in conversation to avoid disappointing their partners.