TIE THE KNOT

“You can't leave anymore, the bridge is flooded.”

“Are you serious?” That got me by surprise.

“Yes, people are already turning around and coming back.”

“Okay then,” I said as I started driving away from the poor volunteer standing in the rain, trying to bring order to this chaos.

This is ridiculous. We have already spent three days at this Tantra Festival. What is usually the cuddliest event I know happened to be quite an adventure.The rain has barely stopped for the past 36 hours. Our clothes are soaked, most of the facilities are covered in mud and everyone is ready to go.

But that won’t be happening! The water raised so high that it is dangerous to cross the bridge down the road. We are stuck. About 100 of us. And the festival continues. There is nothing we can do about it. You can feel the frustration in the air as people have to drop everything they have planned and surrender.

I am feeling a bit annoyed as well. What a great reason to get a good cup of coffee and make it all fade away.

I started walking towards Luke’s stall. I am so grateful for his generosity. He does not have to be here anymore, the festival is over. But he is still serving coffee to all of us frustrated humans and he does it with a happy grin on his face.

And then I hear his voice: “Hi.”

I am snapped out of my daydreaming. I wasn’t paying attention and can’t hide the look of confusion on my face.

“Did I catch you off guard?” he says with a warm smile. “I’m sorry”

“No. Please don’t be. I was just somewhere else for a second.”

“I don’t mean to interrupt.”

“You are not.” And I meant it. He was wearing simple jeans and black T-shirt, nothing special. But the way he stood and spoke was just exuding so much confidence.

“How was your festival?” I asked to continue the conversation. We were both waiting for our coffee so why not to use the time and enjoy myself talking to him.

“It was amazing. I have really enjoyed my time here, doing the workshops. But I must admit the best was talking to Adam Rohen about Shibari. He is a Master and he was so friendly and showed me a couple of his great tricks.”

He went from a good looking bloke to a man I wanted to know everything about in a split second. “Do you like Shibari?”

“Oooh yes, it is a passion of mine! Have you done that before?”

I just nodded. You bet I have done it. I love it. So grateful to the Japanese warriors that used rope in the past to tie their prisoners. Each tribe had their own style and now so many people are bringing it back as a form of art. I love the edginess about it, it is not exactly mainstream activity. But it is also not something you want to avoid. Being tied has simply allowed me the space to learn how to let go, to surrender; especially if someone else is in control. My father used to make fun of me for my tendency to lead in dance, for being stubborn, for taking charge. Letting someone else do whatever they want does not come naturally to me. I get resistant. But shibari is helping me to find joy in it.

And also, I am not going to lie - It can be very sensual and sexual; with the right person. So finding someone who is into Shibari and I actually find attractive - what a jackpot!

I asked him about one million questions and the energy in the air was just palpable. I wasn’t the only one drawn to him. The attraction was mutual. I sipped the last bit of my coffee.

“This feels like a really good first date,” he said unexpectedly.

I love men who are direct. But I didn’t agree.

“Hmm. Not really.”

“Why not?” he responded with little disappointment.

“For a real date, there would have to be an invitation and a glass of great Merlot. Then I would call it a date.”

He understood that I am messing with him and laughed. But he also took the challenge on.

“Okay,” he said as he leaned in closer, locking his eyes into mine. My heart started beating a little faster. “Would you like to come to my humble abode? I would actually love to show you something.”

I took a deep breath in, I like where this is going. “Yes.”

“Amazing. Let’s go”

.

I was blown away. His humble abode was a huge silver bus that looked like an Aladdin’s lamp from the inside. It was pure magic. There was a kitchen with dark blue tiles around the stove, shower that was handcrafted and which walls were covered with beautiful mosaic, the middle section was this living room section covered with pillows that lead to a massive bed with fairy lights entangled in the white fabric hanging above it like a sky. Every part of the bus was obviously crafted with attention and care.

“Come here.” He took my hand and led me to the middle part of the bus.

“Look up.” I did and all I saw the beautiful sacred geometry artwork on the ceiling. “It is beautiful!” I said.

“Not that. You see the hooks?”

No way. This is definitely not something you see every day. He had hooks nailed into the ceiling, the same hooks you use in Shibari when you want to suspend people. Which is by the way a lot of fun.

“Are those for..”

“Shibari? Yes,” he finished my sentence as he suddenly started to run rope over my hand.

“Would you like me to show you what I have learned?” There was so much excitement in his eyes.

And I was excited too. And a little bit hesitant, to be honest. I have just met him and being tied by someone is not something I take lightly. To be able to surrender, I do need to trust the person.

So I told him: “I am really interested. But it is really quick for me. We have just met. And I don’t know how you play. We do need to have a conversation about safe words, communication and just boundaries.”

“I agree. But that does not mean I can’t tease you.” He was absolutely right. He was obviously having a lot of fun making me uncomfortable and pushing me to the edge. And truth to be told, I love when there is both - the understanding of safety and boundaries, but also courage to explore and challenge the limits.

“Let’s have a seat and talk so you can ask anything you want to know. Would you like a glass of Merlot whilst we do that?” He could not stop smiling.

“Yes, please,” I said with confidence, returning his flirtatious look. I saw what he was doing. It was the perfect courting game.

.

We kept talking for hours and hours. I have felt really comfortable, safe. Tom kept giving me all the perfect answers. It was incredibly easy to talk about all the important things and just talk in general. But that is not all. I have learned the hard way that it is not about what people say but whether they then do what they say. Whether they walk their talk.

And from what I could see, he did.

I know that there is only so much you can gather within the first few hours. But I trusted him.

I was ready to say yes to the play.

“How do you feel about playing a bit now?” I suggested.

I expected an excited yes. But I was wrong. “Not feeling it.”

I could not hide my disappointment. The feeling of rejection creeped in. And I could not hide it from my face.

He picked up on that. “I don’t mean to stop this but I do want to move. I feel like going to the dance actually.” As much as I was trying to not go down that rabbit hole, I still felt like this is it. This is all I get. Once again, leaning in and then, just before the magic happens, it suddenly ends.

“But I would love to see you later. Let me tie you up after dinner.” My heart started racing again. I could not be more infantile. Every word just made a difference. I do have it so together, my confidence, my self-belief, but there are just moments when everything just disappears in a thin air. There is a pattern. It happens in front of men. I call it infantility, nervousness or just being cute - depending how kind am I to myself that day. It is kinda hilarious.

And as I was contemplating my inner emotions, he leaned even closer. So close, his eyes were only inches away from mine. He definitely knows how to make me nervous. He even lowered his voice and started to speak really slow: “I will put on really nice music, light up some candles and I will tie you up. Very slowly. Letting you feel the rope on every inch of your skin. As well as my touch. And I will have another glass of Merlot ready for you. However, you will not be able to touch it. So I will take it into my mouth,” he licked his lips. I could not ignore that. “And I will pour it then into your mouth,” now his eyes moved onto my lips. Just hanging there for a moment. And after a really long pregnant pause, he said: “How does that sound?”

“Hmm…” I just gasped for the air. No words.

He leaned away: “I thought you would like that.” He could not wipe the grin of his face. He had me. He had me good. “And, you know, if you can’t wait, just keep imagining how the wine and the whole moment will taste.”

This is it. I am done. My body temperature is about 100 degrees right now and all I can think of is his mount, my mouth and the wine.

“I will see you later then,” he said giggling, obviously pleased with the way he finished this conversation. He was about to step out of the door when he turned around: “I have a question. So was this a date now? I mean I invited you here and you got your glass of Merlot?”

I chuckled to myself: “Yes. It was a date.”

“Excellent! Can't wait for the rest of it.” And he left. Just like that.

He just left me there standing. He was equally charming as he was annoying. But I mean it in a good way. Who really wants a man that surrenders to their wishes or just sticks around them all the time? The truth is that no woman wants that. We do believe so in the beginning but it becomes boring way too quickly.

Having someone that is with you by choice but is not afraid to push you out of your comfort zone, to tease you, to play with you - that is what I love and enjoy.

I took a deep breath to balance all the excitement and arousal I was feeling. It was time to see my friends. And just have a great afternoon with them before the night falls and this date continues.

Can’t wait.