satire
Humor and satire to make you laugh. Everyone loves a good innuendo.
Slippered! - Chapter 3
Slippered! - Chapter 3 At the same time as Freddy had picked up his second puncture that day, Melsham wiped tomato soup from his moustache with the back of a forefinger and picked up his wine glass. He waved it carelessly at Slipper, sloshing a few drops across the table cloth. “Slipper, move your things out of the Gate House, will you?” he demanded loudly “I'm putting your quarters in the North Wing now.” His voice rang around the cavernous dining room, causing Slipper to wince, as much at the Earl's familiarity with servants at table as the import of the message.
By Malcolm Twigg3 years ago in Filthy
Slippered! - Chapter 2
Slippered! - Chapter 2 Carmen, the Hon. Lady Lappit and bane of her father's life, watched the sun sink behind the distant hills of Houndsmoor, and hitched her skirt down over dimpling thighs as she pushed herself up against the hay bales. She picked pieces of straw from her hair and turned a jaundiced eye on the heaving figure beside her, wheezing face down in the straw like an Olympic marathon runner in final extremis. She liked her men young, strong, healthy and often. Her partner of the moment fulfilled the first three criteria, at least. On a rating of 1-10 she ranked his score at four and-a-half, with E for Effort - not a bad score to Carmen's exacting standards.
By Malcolm Twigg3 years ago in Filthy
Slippered! - Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE The 21st century had come late to Staddon Hall - but it came with a vengeance, and a new hand on the rudder with plans which Slipper - steward, family retainer, butler and, at times, wet-nurse - took both as a personal slight and a blot on the escutcheon of the family honour. First and foremost in Slipper’s thoughts were the new Earl’s antecedents. “A butcher! A common tradesman!” as he took every opportunity to vehemently describe him to Brandybutt, head gardener and Slipper’s unlikely closest confidante amongst the few remaining staff. In fact, Slipper looked on the new overbearing, coarse - and lewd - Master and his grand plans with nothing short of open hostility. “The end of an era,” he thought glumly, regarding his friend’s slumbering form by the fire in Slipper’s quarters in the Old Gate House. Then, taking a firm grip on his resolve: “But not if Reginald Slipper has anything to do with it!”
By Malcolm Twigg3 years ago in Filthy
Trope Tripe
In true Woke tradition, a trigger warning is appropriate for this piece. Trigger Warning The following material contains words that will be extremely offensive to some, involving homophobia, transphobia, fat shaming, racial stereotyping, body dysmorphia, disablement, implied sexual practices, cultural appropriation and paedophilia by association. If any of the above are likely to infringe upon your personal liberties, rights and sensitivities when reading them … grow up for Christ’s sake! To the rest of us it’s just good old fashioned fun. Nobody dies. God Almighty!
By Malcolm Twigg3 years ago in Filthy
Sting in The Tail
There are environmental activists, and there are environmental activists. And then there was Sid Smith. Sid was more of your actual tree hugger. In fact there was one tree deep in the forest that used to be Sid's favourite. That it had a conveniently placed knot hole was quite by the by and no-one's business but Sid's until a nest of wasps took up residence, unbeknown to him. Naturally, they took great exception at this brazen intrusion on their chaste privacy. When, after a few days, the swelling (and the barely controlled hilarity of the A & E Team) had subsided, Sid was a changed man in more ways than one. For instance, the mere sound of buzzing was liable to bring on an incipient attack of the hives and an instinctive shrinkage of the extremities in the nether regions that temporarily lent him the physical attributes of true gender fluidity. Which, for Sid, was an interesting condition given his predilection for the more extreme forms of sexual gratification. Not only that, the whole experience set him on the path to improve the lot of fellow introverted experimenters like himself.
By Malcolm Twigg3 years ago in Filthy
Facebook Groups I Have Known and Loved
If you can slap a label on something, Facebook likely has at least fifteen groups dedicated to some aspect of it. All have their peccadillos, and generally a somewhat creepy obsession with rules and order. The number one rule of most Facebook groups seems to be "no self promotion" followed closely by "no pornography." Below I visit some of the lesser known Facebook groups I have encountered in my travels through the Facebook-grouposphere which I visit often searching desperately for friendship, love, and/or kindred spirits who share my deep love of post apocalyptic moulds. To date, I am zero for three but I will never give up hope.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Filthy
All* Of Your Machine Learning Questions Answered
Author's preface: When perusing the archives I came upon this classic from 2017 that I now realize I never published on Vocal. Sadly, just as true today as it was then. Note that some of the language and imagery is not for the faint of heart. Enjoy!
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Filthy
Local Man Realizes All of the Important Decisions in His Life Made While Sitting On Toilet
While sitting on the toilet this morning delivering a rather large Macaroni Grill inspired number 2 local man Ted Stephens realized all of the important decisions of his life had been made from this exact same position. The visibly straining Mr. Stephens said of this striking realization "I've always been very regular when it comes to toilet matters. For almost ten years now, every Sunday morning before church at Saint Michael's I have dropped the kids off at the pool, if you know what I mean. Usually, the time passes by uneventfully with me reading the Sunday Times or doing a crossword puzzle. However, this Sunday as I sat grunting and waiting impatiently for the movement of my bowels which would signal the final release of the massive chunk of fecal matter from my formerly clogged colon, I realized something. All of the most important decisions in my life to this point had been made from this exact same position. This includes my decision on where to attend college, what to major in, and what job to take when I graduated. Also, the last three cars I have bought, the decision to purchase the house me and Jane (current wife Jane Stephens) still live in ten years later, and the decision to try and have children. Of course, not all the decisions were right, or very good really. For example, I also had the bright idea to propose to my former wife Lan-lan (Laura) while sweating profusely and groaning loudly attempting to clear a rather large build up of brown mashed potatoes from dinner at Chili's the night before. She later left me for that snake in the grass and former best friend Jimmi (Jim Currant). I definitely took a hell of a dump that day." said Mr. Stephens as a look of sadness and regret crossed his face. With that Mr. Stephens stood, wiped his ass three times, flushed the toilet, closed the lid, turned and walked away.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Filthy
Sex and Death at a Highrise
One day Saint Peter is sitting just outside the Pearly Gates Welcome Center, enjoying a moment of peace and solitude. On the other side of the wall, CHAOS and PANDEMONIUM reigned. A common misconception is that life inside Heaven is ALL peace and tranquility. In normal times you’d be correct, but these days Heaven is nearing capacity.
By Jack Nanuq4 years ago in Filthy
