Somewhere In Between

How many times have I watched some raunchy 'film' to get my rocks off? The answer? Almost every single time I do it. It's like bread and butter, can't have one without the other for me. Otherwise, I get bored.

So what is it that does it for me? Not unlike a lot of females, I find men engaging with other men to be ridiculously fascinating. Is it because it's still "taboo" and something that, as a woman, I'd never be able to experience? Or is there something more to it?

On the other hand, I'm particularly fond of lesbian images and videos. Does that have any significant meaning to me? Does that mean I'm gay? I do like breasts. I do like female bodies, all except the nether-bits and yet I don't know if I don't like it or not, I've never gone quite that far with another woman. Touching- yes. Kissing- yes. Mutual masturbation in the shower-also yes. But no actual mouth on genitals type action from a female, nor I to them.

I actually despise women and men equally and yet I find both attractive. That being said, I do prefer my men to be on the feminine side. You know- fantasy types. Long hair. The knight in shining armor types. Some quest-goer that makes my heart beat a little faster. Not because I need to be rescued but because they're just so damn beautiful and virtuous and good.

My dislike towards men and macho men is usually generated towards the violence they display. I don't like to be bossed around. I don't like to be told I'm weak or to submit to any man. The same with women, I find them to be too fragile and emotional when I'm already emotional myself.

What I like is a nice in-between. All of my book characters are strikingly androgynous. Males, primarily, but sensitive and beautiful. Gorgeous locks, piercing eyes, slender but strong builds. I find myself confused with the ideal partner's genitals. Cock? Yes, more than a vagina. But balls? Not so much. Breasts? Depends on the day, honestly. The other strange thing, I wish -I- had a penis. I have dreams about that, about having some huge schlong which is usually being 'serviced' by a female. Why in the world would I want some huge thing? I don't like them big, I prefer them kind of small and yet my own cock, my own dream cock, is huge.

I am getting off topic here...

Sex is just sex, right? Fingers, mouths, genitals all touching in some fashion, so why does it matter what actually does it for someone? I guess it doesn't matter- persay. I suppose for my own piece of mind, I'd like to know what the hell I am. Not to label myself, but to explore exactly what it all means. Maybe it just means I like sex in general. Or maybe I'm a raging homosexual and don't even know it. I'll continue to explore that in my writing.

I hope someone out there, at the very least, gets a good laugh out of this post. I know I'm amused with myself for even writing it. I hope someone out there is just as confused as I am because honestly sometimes I think I could go either way and sometimes I'd just prefer a good mesh of the two and call it a night. The best of both worlds and parts are kind of interchangeable. Women can always buy a dick. Men could even buy breasts. The frightening thing is, this is only two sides of the dice here. This isn't even counting all the other combinations out there.