Impost Syndrome

My whole life all I've wanted was to express my creativity and skill. I thought I was good when I was about eleven. Good enough that my sister stole my artwork and tried to pass it off as her own. My father was an artist. So was my mom- sort of. I loved to draw, I loved to write and I loved to make things with my hands.

Come highschool, I was a writer. I never had anything published, but my friends were writers and artists too. Something I've never gotten over is how my friend, we will call her E, was angry with me because art I had made was getting attention. Sure, it was the kind of art that you look at something and draw it. That's how you learn. Sorry I was good enough to get noticed. She acted like I tried to pass it off as something original when I didn't, I always gave credit where it was due. It was funny, because I found myself equally angry with her when she told our art teacher she'd been accepted by a publisher. Yeah, subsidy publishing isn't quite the same as actually being accepted. You have to pay for that and they'll take almost anyone. My art teacher sure did applaud her in front of the whole class though.

I often felt like I wasn't allowed to draw or write. Because of her, because of others. I couldn't like music without someone claiming their like of it first. Why was that such a crime to like the same things as the others in my "friend" group?

I couldn't even claim languages as my own unique thing. This one girl, I can picture her face still to this day as she tried to pronounce my own fictional character's name. I told her he was Italian, so she decided to take that on her own and try to school me in my own writing. Who did she think she was?

This kind of thing goes on even now in my circle. Sort of. It's more subtle. I don't have anyone to talk to about my writing progress. No one is actually excited for me to reach any milestones. Did I really have that toxic of a group? Why was I always a target for them? It was always so easy for everyone to shit all over me when I was the one who was only ever trying to survive and find my niche.

Unfortunately for them, I have survived, and one day, I'll be published and respected. I'll have series upon series made and they'll be the can have that imposter syndrome. Not me. I create my own world while they whine and remain stagnant. I really do wish them the best though, unlike how they wished me, but I'm no longer their shadow. I am the motherfucking sun.

I will also no longer cater to so-called friends who would rather I be suppressed. I will not hang out in the background so others can have their moment of fame. I'm worth something too. I'm a fucking leo, damnit. I am the star of the show. Egotistical? Yes. Is it about damn time I was? Also- yes!

Those of you who keep others dim so you can shine, maybe ask yourself if you were ever good enough to begin with. Ask yourself why it is you can't let someone else have their moments of fame too. It's because you're scared. You're jealous. Let go of that shit and step aside, the stage is big enough for everyone, including those you try to keep buried.