Shocking: Married men still love watching adult films and striptease shows

Here’s a joke: A man came back from a performance and suddenly developed a severe eye condition. His eyes were red, swollen, dry, and itchy. After the ophthalmologist carefully examined his eyes, he said, “It’s nothing. Just remember to blink when you watch a striptease next time, and you won’t have this problem.”

The idea of getting an eye condition from watching a striptease paints a vivid picture of how immersed the man must have been. Women might notice that, whether it’s young boys with no sexual experience or married men who have been in relationships for years, few can resist the allure of adult films or stripteases. For example, in movies with striptease scenes, it’s usually the men who are the most enthusiastic and wild (with very few women in the audience). And when it comes to spicing things up in the bedroom with adult films, it’s mostly men who take the lead. Why is this the case? Is it simply because men are “horny” by nature?

Most men are highly imaginative and visually oriented, which makes them more susceptible to hypnosis and allows them to experience sensory stimulation as if in a daydream.

Milton Erickson, the master of hypnosis, categorized people into three types: visual, kinesthetic (touch-oriented), and auditory. Among these, visual people are the most easily hypnotized. This is because they have rich imaginations and can more readily enter a hypnotic state when guided by a hypnotist through language, facial expressions, and body movements. Hypnotists often find that most men are visual, while women tend to be more auditory. (Interesting, isn’t it? Could this suggest that women dress up mainly for men?) People who possess both male and female traits are usually a combination of visual and kinesthetic.

Visual people generally dislike long phone conversations and prefer face-to-face chats. If they can’t see the person they’re talking to, they feel like their words are being blown away by the wind and never existed. Compared to sensory experiences, they are more drawn to visually stimulating things with strong color contrasts and smooth lines. Because of this trait in men, when they watch adult films or stripteases, they often can’t help but imagine themselves as the “lucky” and “powerful” man dancing with the female lead. Since the distance between the performer on stage and the viewer is both close and distant—difficult yet easy to bridge—the more covered parts of the performer’s body provide the greatest stimulation, fueling even more sexual fantasies. When visual men watch such performances, they can’t help but imagine revealing the final covered parts themselves. This kind of imagination can drive them into a near-frenzied state. This is also why shy women are more stimulating to men than flirtatious ones, as they evoke stronger desires for possession and control in sexual fantasies.

Some men believe that this is a spiritual need related to mystery, adventure, and freedom, or a way to relieve stress, rather than just a form of erotic stimulation.

For those who see marriage as a monotonous routine, the desire for mystery, adventure, and freedom becomes particularly strong. They view striptease performances as a completely different world from the daily chores of cooking and cleaning. It’s a space where they can temporarily remove their rigid social masks and break free from societal constraints to enjoy a moment of freedom and uninhibited expression with strangers. In this process, there’s an excitement that comes from challenging the mysterious, a sense of freedom from having sexual fantasies directed at strangers (the dancers) without any responsibilities or obligations, and a release of their true selves under the cover of dim lighting. All of these elements create an indescribable sense of pleasure and relief, which, however, has little to do with sex itself.

Men who are addicted to adult films and stripteases (rather than just occasional viewers) are actually using these as a way to avoid intimacy.

It’s not wrong for men to seek excitement through adult films and stripteases, as long as it’s within the bounds of law and morality. But as a psychotherapist, I’ve found that men who are addicted to these things often have difficulties in establishing intimate relationships. Building a close relationship with a real person requires deep self-disclosure, spending a lot of time communicating and being together, and allowing the other person to share one’s private space. For some, this is very difficult. The difficulty lies in their fear of revealing their true selves (they think they are bad, ugly, and unlovable) and their fear of being judged for their real thoughts (they think their thoughts are dark, childish, and laughable). They long for someone to truly enter their inner world (a basic psychological and emotional need), yet they lock their inner doors tightly (because they fear being ridiculed, hurt, and abandoned). So, they choose to watch adult films on a screen or go to strange places to watch stripteases, preferring to use external stimulation and the illusion of intimacy to escape the loneliness that haunts them, rather than opening up their private inner space to someone they consider unsafe.

So, these are people with a lot of anxiety, fear, emptiness, and pain in their hearts, and they are worth our attention and further understanding. Through psychotherapy, we can help them break free from their emotional difficulties.