Getting to Know Safewords: The Key to Safe and Satisfying BDSM

Let’s talk about safewords, friends. Whether you’re just dipping your toes into the wild and wonderful world of BDSM or you’ve already got a collection of gear that would make Christian Grey blush, safewords are your besties in this journey. They’re not just a safety net—they’re a big ol’ hug of trust and respect wrapped up in one little word.

So, grab your favorite snack and let me walk you through the who, what, when, and why of safewords. Spoiler alert: they’re super important and make everything way more fun because you'll feel safer and more in control.

What Are Safewords?

In the magical land of BDSM, a safeword is like a pause button you can hit anytime you need to slow down, stop, or just catch your breath. It’s a special word or phrase you and your partner(s) agree on before diving into the action. The beauty of it? It’s crystal clear and non-negotiable—when someone says the safeword, everything stops. No questions, no debates, just instant respect for boundaries.

Why not just say “stop” or “no”? Well, sometimes those words are part of the scene (hello, roleplay!), so safewords make sure there’s zero confusion.

Why are they so important?

Safewords are all about consent. they keep you in control even when it seems like you're not the one controlling, and it fosters a feeling of trust between the participants. It also lets you inform your partner that you're not enjoying whatever it is they're doing without breaking the mood.

How do you choose a good safeword?

A solid safeword shouldn't be something you might say accidentally, yet it shouldn't be something that would be too difficult to remember when the pressure's on. Try to think of something fun like a private joke between you and your partner.

I'll share a tip I once heard when i started exploring the BDSM scene. Before you start using your safeword, practice saying it under your breath during your normal daily routine so that it will seep into the forefront of your mind and be easily accessible in times of stress (or pain) when you really need to remember it!

I'll never forget shopping at the local market for eggs while muttering "Rhubarb" under my breath! yes, Rhubarb was indeed my first safeword but not the one I currently use. Which reminds me, don't be swapping out safewords very often or you'll risk forgetting the current one when you need it most!

One important note to consider is that if you enjoy (or don't enjoy) the use of a ball gag or full facemask, I recommend having a second safeword, which is non-verbal. In fact, from experience I can tell you that I would recommend this backup being a very simple gesture not relying on an entire arm movement as you may need to pull out the safety card while your hands are tied up! I personally use a simple tapping of my thumb and pinky which I've tested and can rely on in any tied up position that I frequently find myself in.

Let’s Debunk a few Safeword Myths

Using a safeword isn’t a fail: You didn’t ruin anything by calling a safeword. In fact, you're following best practices and using thoughtful communication with your partner so that's a positive thing!

Dominants can use safewords too: This isn’t just for submissives. If the person in charge feels off, they’ve got every right to hit the pause button.

Not just for newbies: Even the pros use safewords. They’re like the Swiss Army knife of BDSM—useful for everyone. In fact, pro's would be the first to tell you the importance of using a safeword and will probably have some good stories to tell of what was going down when they or their partner had to rely on it!

So take the time to find a safeword that'll work for you and your partner and put into play - you won't be sorry.