Do You Know If You Have a Kink?

Back in the day, words like, “Kink,” would have made some people clutch their pearls but it’s a new day and we should talk about these things with no shame. After having multiple conversations with sex therapists, educators and kink experts on the podcast that I co-host , my eyes have been opened to a whole new world and I've learned…

I MAY HAVE SOME KINKS TOO.

According to HealthyWomen.org, 62 percent of women are unsatisfied with their sex lives. Sexual satisfaction is a major part of women’s health as sex reduces stress and boosts immunity. Orgasms increase these benefits thanks to the oxytocin and endorphins being released.

With that being said...

Are you satisfied?

THE BOTTOM LINE:

SEX IS BETTER FOR WOMEN WHEN WE ACTUALLY ENJOY IT.

Here's a few things we've learned from our introduction to kink.

The basic rules of kink are:

• Be safe.
• Be Sane - meaning to make sure all parties are mentally competent and able to properly assess and understand the act in its totality.
• Consensual sex ONLY.

Also, learn what's needed for your partner(s) and for yourself in terms of after-care.

By definition,

"aftercare is the process of attending to one another after intense feelings of a physical or psychological nature relating to BDSM activities," [source].

Participants are more than likely to have additional rules such as safe words or even non-disclosure agreements.

The beauty of kink

It’s about taking back our sexual power and exploring the things that turn us on, or the things that turn us off. The point is that we educate ourselves to know our likes and dislikes. We don’t have to put ourselves, our desires or our pleasure last (unless that’s your kink).

MY BIGGEST TAKEAWAY ABOUT KINK

There are MANY different kinks. Way too many to explore in one article. Sex is not a black and white subject and neither are kinks.

How do I figure out my kink?

Well, there’s plenty of ways. Some people may have known early on in the beginning of their sex lives what they gravitated towards naturally. Some may have enjoyed sex with a dominant partner, but lacked the proper after-care and felt uncomfortable because they had no idea about the importance of after-care in a dominant/submissive sexual relationship. Some may have even explored many kinks and decided they were more vanilla.

Then there’s the people who simply don’t know but are curious to find out.

Try taking a kink test

If you aren’t ready to jump into the water and try stuff with your partner just yet, you can start with one of these quizzes.

For a quick quiz, Marriage.com’s Kink Test is 10 questions and acts as a great starting point to the world of kink.

If you want to dig a little deeper and have some extra time to spare, we suggest heading to www.kinktest.org. Their entire website is dedicated to helping you figure it out. Not only does their kink test ask a bunch of questions, but it allows you to sign up to track how your mind (and kink) may change over time.

Learn yourself

Overall, there’s so much for us to know and you should not be ashamed for exploring your own sexuality. From BDSM, to group sex, voyeurism, roleplaying or even if you’re considered “vanilla.” Getting to know ourselves sexually is a major part of getting to know ourselves, period.

After discovering certain parts of yourself, not only will you be able to better communicate your needs and desires with your partner, but you’ll be able to boost your own sexual pleasure and enjoy yourself. Great sex is absolutely attainable and you deserve it, sis.