A Woman’s Response To My Article Further Shows Why Men Aren’t Honest With Them

I wrote a blog recently called “22 ‘Honest’ Thoughts Men Don’t Share With Their Women” where I shared a list of things men often think but choose to keep to themselves for the sake of their relationships.

Shortly after, a woman responded to the article… and honestly, her response proves exactly why most men keep these thoughts to themselves by showing the emotional turbulence that men try to avoid by not being brutally honest.

Let’s dive into her response, break it down, and show how it reinforces the points I made in the original article. (NOTE: I will be quoting parts of her full comment, which is quite long; however, if you want to read it for full context, I have pasted it at the end of this article.)

“What a woman doesn’t know CAN hurt her.”

While it’s true that honesty can hurt, the issue here isn’t about protecting someone from the truth; it’s about how that truth is delivered.

If you expect a man to always lay out the brutal truth no matter how harsh, you’re ignoring the emotional cost that comes with it. Men aren’t trying to protect women from growth — they’re trying to protect the relationship from unnecessary conflict and emotional turmoil.

Sometimes, the truth can be delivered with tact, but sometimes, it’s about reading the situation and deciding whether it’s the right moment for hard truths.

“If you keep things to yourself, to protect yourself from her reactions, that’s just weak. If you think you’re protecting her from her own reactions? That’s called enabling and it’s unhealthy and immature.”

Here’s where we see the S.I.G.N. language (shame, insults, guilt, and the need to be right) come into play — specifically the “insult” and “need to be right” components.

Labeling men as “weak” or “immature” for not being brutally honest is a clear example of shaming tactics. Men don’t hold back the truth out of weakness, but because they understand the emotional chaos it could stir up.

This response is exactly the reason why men feel they need to hold back: the emotional fallout and the potential for things to escalate into an argument. And most of the time, it’s over stuff that isn’t actually a big deal but gets turned into one because of how it made her feel.

“If my coochie stinks, or my clothing makes me look unattractive, or my talk about the curtains is boring, my boyfriend better tell me!”

This is an example of “things women swear they won’t take personally when men know most will.”

Men withhold these kinds of things because we know that regardless of how it’s communicated, it often results in emotional blowback.

If a man were to say to you, “Your vagina smells bad and you need to get it checked,” how do you think that would go over? To most women it wouldn’t be taken in a loving or constructive/objective way.

Instead, we know saying that is likely to trigger embarrassment, defensiveness, and a lot of unnecessary emotional chaos, all over something that’s simply an observation on our part.

Men’s goals aren’t to hurt your feelings or cause unnecessary fights. If we feel the thing we have to tell you may cause such things to happen, we can feel it’s better not to address it.

“Then, after I probably have to apologize for overreacting, I can get down to the business of calling my gyno.”

I mean… she’s literally proving the exact point I made in the article here.

She’s acknowledging that, yes, she would overreact — crying, getting defensive, lashing out — but in the end admits she’d come around to the truth. So why should men be expected to endure that?

It’s emotionally exhausting. And we’re also thinking, “if she’s going to just agree with me in the end, why not just do that instead of all the emotional B.S. beforehand?!?”

Men are trying to avoid this cycle of overreaction, apology, and processing. It’s not that they don’t want to share the truth, but they want to avoid the emotional turbulence and the inevitable “come down” that follows.

“If you keep your truth of your experience of her a secret from her, or worse, lie to protect her, you just robbed her of the dignity of getting to grow up.”

Once again, we see the “need to be right” and “shame” language here.

Men don’t lie to “protect” women in a condescending way; they do it to protect the relationship and her ego. It’s not about robbing anyone of dignity — it’s about managing the emotional reality of the situation.

Also, the response here demonstrates exactly why men avoid the truth in these situations. She is basically saying she’d go through an emotional rollercoaster before coming to terms with it. That’s the type of situation men are trying to avoid.

“Men online keep professing that they have a preference for young, inexperienced girlfriends. But, spoiler alert, young women have not developed the emotional maturity you seem to desire with the writing of this listicle.”

…not sure how this correlated to anything in particular I said in the article, but let’s address it anyway.

First off, this comes across as more of a generalized insult than a productive point. It’s not about “immaturity” in women, it’s about emotional volatility. Women of all ages can experience emotional reactions to difficult truths, and that’s something that should be addressed.

Second, the real issue is how we communicate and whether both partners are emotionally ready to handle difficult truths. A man who feels like he has to protect a woman from every uncomfortable reality is not infantilizing her, he’s just trying to preserve peace in the relationship.

“You are doing her no favors by protecting and enabling her further.”

This is another form of “shame” language.

Saying that men are “enabling” women is both condescending and unhelpful. Men aren’t trying to enable anyone — they’re trying to preserve the emotional health of the relationship.

We get that women need to experience and process emotions, but the constant emotional fallout from brutal truths isn’t productive for anyone. Sometimes, holding back on certain comments is about timing and tact, not about avoiding reality.

“Face it. The truth hurts like an awful bitch sometimes.”

Ah, so we agree! Yes, the truth does hurt sometimes.

But here’s the thing: men are not scared of telling the truth. They’re looking to avoid the unnecessary emotional aftermath. And your willingness to sit through emotional turbulence doesn’t mean everyone else should be expected to do the same.

The emotional fallout from being “brutally honest” all the time can be exhausting, and not every situation calls for full disclosure.

“It’s not that she can’t handle the truth. It’s that you can’t handle watching her react to the truth in the moment.”

She admits that her emotional reactions would be overwhelming, and that it would include things like crying, jealousy, and anger. So how is a man supposed to “handle” that without feeling like he’s walking on eggshells?

If we’re expected to deal with your overwhelming emotions every time we’re honest, it puts a massive strain on the relationship. And it’s not fair to a man who starts to feel like his honesty with you is going to be punished EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Meanwhile, while men are expected to be patient, stay calm, and handle their girlfriend’s emotional outbursts, women can react emotionally, and it’s seen as “a necessary part of the process.”

What about men’s emotional well-being? What about the impact of constantly having to absorb emotional turbulence? This is exactly why men don’t share every truth — they don’t want to bear the emotional cost of it.

“My boyfriend would absolutely tell me that he would f — k my beautiful friend if he had the chance.”

This is exactly what I mean by brutal honesty causing unnecessary emotional turmoil.

In this example, her boyfriend’s honesty would almost certainly lead to jealousy, self-doubt, and a ton of emotional fallout. And yet, she swears she would want her man to be honest about it should she ask him, which is a LIIIIIIIIIIE.

It’s unrealistic to expect someone to deliver harsh truths when the only outcome is emotional chaos. There’s no productive reason to tell someone this unless you want to spark unnecessary conflict.

“Wow, I’m so glad I’m not one of your girlfriends.”

This is a prime example of the kind of response men get when they present a point that women disagree with.

The response isn’t focused on engaging with the argument — it’s an immediate dismissal, wrapped in a personal jab.

This kind of reaction further shows why men hesitate to be honest in relationships, or with women in general. When they are, they often face judgment or emotional shutdowns instead of productive conversation. Who would want to risk that if the goal is to keep things peaceful?

“Or perhaps, you think you deserve to be with a chill, pick me girl who never gets her feathers ruffled.”

I find it interesting that women who are able to stay calm, agree, and manage their emotions are often insulted by other women for doing so.

The term “pick me girl” is meant to imply that women doing these things is somehow a bad thing. But being a “chill” partner who doesn’t explode emotionally every time a truth is spoken doesn’t make someone any less of a woman.

In fact, it’s a sign of emotional maturity and self-regulation, which — let’s face it — is often exactly what men are looking for from women in a relationship. Why is it seen as a flaw to be someone who can stay composed and handle things in a more balanced way?

While I agree that honesty is important in a relationship, expecting men to not feel uncomfortable when thinking about delivering truths — especially when they know it’ll lead to emotional chaos — is unrealistic.

The response left by this woman highlights the very issues men face when trying to be transparent: the emotional volatility that follows being honesty about certain subjects. Men are not afraid of the truth, but they are afraid of the emotional fallout.

What’s especially interesting is that the woman who responded is advocating for men to handle their partner’s emotional outbursts with patience and understanding.

But let’s be real: if I were to encourage women to handle their man’s irrational lashing out in the same way — if I suggested that women should endure a man’s emotional outbursts without blinking an eye — no woman would support that.

The idea of having to “tolerate” irrational, emotional reactions for the sake of the relationship isn’t something many women would sign up for. So, why is it expected of men when the roles are reversed?

Look, it’s not easy for either partner to navigate the emotional turbulence that can come with being brutally honest. At the very least, it’s ideal to be with somebody that you can tell the full truth to — in a kind way, mind you — and the result be that the other person can, at the very least, sit down and have a conversation about it without completely flipping out.

Until both partners can handle the truth with emotional maturity and compassion, most men will continue to choose their words carefully.

So, the next time you ask for honesty, consider whether you can truly handle it — or whether you’re just asking for the truth to be delivered on your terms.

HER FULL RESPONSE

As promised, here is her entire comment:

Wow, Im so glad I’m not one of your girlfriends.

Here’s the thing. What a woman doesn’t know CAN hurt her. If you keep things to yourself, to protect yourself from her reactions, that’s just weak. If you think you’re protecting her from her own reactions? Thats called enabling and its unhealthy and immature.

If my coochie stinks, or my clothing makes me look unattractive, or my talk about the curtains is boring, my boyfriend better tell me! Yes, its true that he has to sit there (in his masculine strength) and be patient while I go through a litany of ugly emotions: Embarrassment, self reflection, doubt, crying, anger, possibly even some lashing out. (“Ya, well your baunch doesn’t smell like a bed of roses either!” I might yell.)

Then, after I probably have to apologize for over reacting, I can get down to the business of calling my gyno to address the smelly infection, or face that I might need new clothes or to loose some weight, or face the truth of my own bad habits like talking at nauseum about the texture and color of what drapes I will never decide on.

But in the end, it’s FAR better than him lying to me.

Because I have to feel my feelings, express my disappointment, process all that shit, then come back around to the concepts of unconditional love, radical acceptance, and trusting friendship. If you keep your truth of your experience of her a secret from her, or worse, lie to protect her, you just robbed her of the dignity of getting to grow up.

Men online keep professing that they have a preference for young, inexperiences girlfriends. But, spoiler alert, young women have not developed the emotional maturity you seem to desire with the writing of this listicle. It takes years for a girl to develop skills of emotional self regulation.

Please stop infantilizing women.

This is the very backlash you get from protecting women from their feelings and emotional reactions. Let them. Let them have their full range of emotions. Learn to be around it and not fear it.

If a toddler cries for a toy, you don’t just buy if for them because you’re afraid of the high pitched sound of their disappointment. You’re just robbing them of a chance to develop self awareness. (Harry’s note: did she really just compare women to children?? If I did this, oh boy…)

If a young woman threatens to explode, don’t just lie to her to stop it from happening. Its not that your girlfriend can’t handle the truth. Its that she might fly off the handle in the moment and scare you, so you avoid the truth that you assume (sexist) that she can’t handle.

Face it. The truth hurts like an awful bitch sometimes. It can be shocking and cause waves of crazy female hormone fueled emotions. It seems to me that you’re simply scared of experiencing the turbulence that is the female experience.

Or perhaps, you think you deserve to be with a chill, pick me girl who never gets her feathers ruffled. Good luck finding such a unicorn.

My boyfriend would absolutely tell me that he would f — k my beautiful friend if he had the chance. Then he would wait it out as I process that through my own fragile ego. I might cry, experience jealousy, a mountain of self doubt and a landslide of anger and fear of being left alone. “It’s so not fair! She’s so much prettier than me! Why don’t you just go do it then!” Sob, wail, sniffle, boogers. Sob, sniffle, boogers…

But when I look up, there he is, holding my hand, eyes sparkling with love and desire for me. And his love reminds me that, yes, life is not fair. But that doesnt make it bad. That doesn’t make him bad. He wants to f — k every beautiful woman on the planet. (and if hes being truthfully honest, a handfull of beautiful men too)

That’s just life and I can take it or leave it. I choose to take it, every time. It just takes time to get there. I want this experience to be available for every woman.

I hope every woman gets to know the love and acceptance of a boyfriend who isn’t afraid of telling her the truth. Who isn’t afraid of her terifying, negative reactions to a newly learned truth. And I hope every man gets to have the same. A girlfriend who doesn’t pander to his ego either. A woman who will tell him the truth and stand by his side as he processes the truth in his own way.

Its not that she can’t handle the truth. Its that you can’t handle watching her react to the truth in the moment. Women and men do have some differences. For women, nothing is sexier than a guy who will be honest with her, then stay by her side through the long process of feeling her feelings and eventually coming around to the other side.

Guys, this takes serious patience and compassion. If you can’t handle your girlfriends reactions to your honesty, then you have a bigger problem than you think. You are giving up the second she flies off the handle. If your girlfriend truly can’t handle the truth, and never comes around, she is very likely emotionally immature.

She might be too young to be in a relationship, or has, perhaps, been protected from the truth and her own emotions her whole life. This isn’t a good thing. It isn’t something to perpetuate. You are doing her no favors by protecting and enabling her further.

Be honest with her. You don’t have to be brutal about it. Just stop lying and lying by omission. Tell her how you feel, especially when you’re afraid to do so. Then, take a deep, centering breath, feel into your masculine strength, and hold a bucket load of space for her to process her emotions.

It ain’t easy. I’ll grant you that. But Men who really understand and love Women learn how to do this. I hope you do too!

P.S. Reading all this reminded me: at the end of the previous article I said “What are some things you’ve thought [about being honest about] but kept to yourself? Drop your honest thoughts in the comments!” and a man left the following:

“I might add: finding it difficult to follow the details of a story or a point she is making and wishing she would be more concise or just get to the point but not wanting to say anything for fear of coming across as rude — this is a big one for me.”

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